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Grand Magnate
BudFox
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#21
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Also, failed therapy can be traumatic, and just blowing it up and pushing the client to a new therapist could potentially begin the cycle again, and expose the client to the same risks and dysfunction all over again. I've been in a no-win therapy situation. People said it was ethical for the therapist to bail out. No, it wasn't. Nothing about it was ethical. |
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Poohbah
LabRat27
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Location: CA
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#22
Quote:
He's right that I need to help with regulating emotions and it's exactly the kind of bpd stuff that DBT is really effective for. There are a lot of reasons for my self harm, it's not one simple answer, but the intense irrational emotional responses to things are definitely a large factor and I'm very aware that I do it, and I knew that well before I started seeing him. Unfortunately being aware of it is not the same as being in control of it (though it is a helpful first step). I really do think DBT would be helpful and that those skills would be useful for me, or that it's at least worth trying. But, as I said, I have these strong emotional responses and even though I logically agree with him that a DBT program would be a good idea (though I don't necessarily think I should stop seeing him while I do it), and I know that he cares and isn't abandoning me, it still [I feels[/I] like rejection and abandonment and my emotional response is to that, not to what I believe intellectually, and it's a really really strong emotional response, and when I act based on that emotional response I do stupid things like end up in the ER getting 50 sutures. |
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*Laurie*
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Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: California Uber Alles
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#23
I'm so sorry this has happened to you, LabRat. If I was in your situation with a therapist I would feel frightened and very frustrated. Therapists definitely won't go past their personal area of experience and professional comfort - at least an ethical one won't. It seems cold-blooded, but I was informed by a therapist many years ago that therapists fairly commonly refer clients out to someone who has more experience in a certain area of psychology and behavior - and is interested in those areas. I could be wrong, but I suspect some therapists just don't really want to work with certain types of behavior, which could be for all sorts of reasons.
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Grand Magnate
here today
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Location: USA
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#24
Quote:
But there, stuck, the T was of no help. In many ways she just kept putting me down when I was trying to get out. It was me in a "role" or something that she didn't want. An authentic if somewhat unsocialized/uncivilized me, when she wanted a "helpee" to help her with her self-image as a "helper"? I don't know, maybe it doesn't matter, she terminated because she didn't have the emotional resources to continue. Digging myself out of the pit, I have gotten a lot from social support on occasion. But I haven't needed it from just one person to whom I was "attached". |
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tomatenoir
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Location: UK
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#25
Quote:
You seem very logically minded to me, and someone who likes to make decisions off the best data available (like you looking at reviews for this other therapist). So while you're deciding your next move, would it be worth asking why he wants you to see him after DBT, and not during? And if he says it has to be after, ask why you can't do both at the same time? You could also ask him if he had other recommendations for DBT practitioners. That may shed some light on his thinking and intentions and give you more peace of mind if you decide to stop therapy. You wouldn't be begging -- you'd be asking a very reasonable question. You could even email him if you don't want to ask him face to face or worry about getting emotional -- you could see it as admin. You're not making any decisions about what to do next, or asking him to continue seeing you, you're just gathering information at this stage. Alternatively, it's OK to press pause on everything. If you're not in a place where you could deal if you got an answer from him you wouldn't like, you're OK to take time out until you are, however long that might be. |
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Poohbah
LabRat27
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Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: CA
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#26
So I'm asking him to take me back. I'll find out tomorrow.
I'm doing a DBT IOP, but their first opening isn't until June 11th. One of the requirements is that I have an outside therapist, because they do groups but only a few one on one sessions. I've looked around for a DBT therapist who might be a good match, and I haven't found anything promising. If his rationale for not continuing to see me was that he thought that I needed DBT/skills that he couldn't teach me, then if I'm getting that from the IOP then maybe he'd be willing to see me again because it wouldn't be keeping me from getting DBT. I can't imagine going through the entire process of revealing all my vulnerabilities and shameful feelings with another therapist. And I want the security of having a therapist I've built a relationship with and who feels (felt?) safe. He actually works in the CBT IOP at the same hospital. I saw him when I was checking in for my intake but I didn't look up and make eye contact. I think he saw me, but I can't be sure. Someone who's in charge of some stuff, I don't remember their official role, is going to be asking him tomorrow on my behalf (there's no way I could bring myself to ask him). I don't know what I'll do if he says no. I'm making myself vulnerable by admitting that I care and asking him to be there. If he says no now, I don't know if I could ever bring myself to ask again. I just want to feel secure again. I feel lost and having to wait three weeks to even start the DBT program is making things really hard. I feel like I don't have anyone to turn to, and I keep ending up in the ER because the only way I know how to ask for help is to hurt myself. They said there's a waiting list and they'll call me if anyone drops out of the program and a space opens up. And they said the waiting list order is based on severity/need, not on who was on it first, and according to the person who did my intake, I will almost certainly be first on the list. So at least I'm the best at something? I don't have anyone I can talk to about this, because if he says no I'll feel so ashamed that I wouldn't want to admit it to anyone. And I don't want to admit how much this means to me. I almost want to call back and ask them not to ask him because I'm not sure I could handle a no, even if I completely understood his reasoning rationally. And I'm worried he'll say yes out of a feeling of guilt or obligation, if he knows how painful a no would be for be. I'm kind of putting him in a difficult position by asking him to either say yes or no. |
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Poohbah
fille_folle
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Member Since: Nov 2017
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#27
I don't think you should feel bad for asking, or worry about putting him in a bad position or something. And I hope he says yes!
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Poohbah
LabRat27
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#28
But if he says yes I won't know if he said yes because he wanted to say yes or if he said yes because he'd feel guilty about saying no. I won't know if I'm actually unwanted and he's just putting up with me out of a sense of duty or obligation.
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Poohbah
fille_folle
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#29
If he has healthy boundaries as a professional, he will have the capacity to say no without feeling guilty. That's not for you to worry about.
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Amazonmom
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Poohbah
LabRat27
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#30
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Always in This Twilight
LonesomeTonight
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#31
I hope he says yes--and because he wants to! Because you are doing what he asked you to do. Will the person in charge let you know today after they talk to him? Hugs...
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LabRat27
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elisewin
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#32
I wish you luck and him wanting to continue working with you. It would make sense as you seem to need a T while on the program anyway.
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LabRat27
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Poohbah
LabRat27
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#33
Quote:
I think/hope so. I'm trying not to think about it but I've been anxious about it all day. |
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Grand Member
maybeblue
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Location: USA
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#34
I am so sorry all this happened. It sure seems like you are doing absolutely everything that you can to take care of yourself. It seems so logical that he would take you back. It makes absolutely no sense that he wouldn't. And if he does, I'm sure it won't be because you made him feel guilty. I'm not sure those guys work that way. And if he doesn't, I bet it will be because of some kind of external pressure like a supervisor. I hate, hate, hate medical bureaucracies.
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Magnate
mcl6136
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#35
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Anonymous45127
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Poohbah
LabRat27
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#36
Even better than him just saying yes!
He called me. He said he'd seen me at the intake yesterday and assumed I was doing the DBT IOP (there's just the CBT IOP and the DBT IOP, and he works at the CBT IOP) and he wanted to see if, now that I was getting DBT treatment, I'd want to continue meeting with him. I was kind of confused because he seemed to be asking me and didn't mention anything about me asking. I asked if they'd talked to him and he was like well I talked to my supervisor when I saw you yesterday. And I told him that someone else was actually supposed to talk to him about it yesterday and that was news to him. He called to see if I wanted to go back to seeing him without knowing that someone was going to be asking him that on my behalf. So it was completely because he wanted to call me, not him saying yes to my request. And, just now, while I was typing up this post, I got a call from the DBT IOP saying a spot had opened up to start June 4th instead of waiting until the 11th. |
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Magnate
mcl6136
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#37
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LabRat27
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Poohbah
fille_folle
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#38
That's all great news, labrat!
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LabRat27
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elisewin
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#39
That is such great news!
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LabRat27
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Always in This Twilight
LonesomeTonight
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#40
That's all great news, happy for you!
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LabRat27
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