Can you tell your therapist anything?

I voted yes, I can tell her anything. I have told her some unspeakable things that I couldn't or wouldn't tell anybody else, and she has helped me understand them. I have asked her personal questions, some of which she has answered and some she hasn't. But she never seems upset when I ask. If she doesn't answer, she usually steers the conversation toward why I'm asking and what it would mean to me if the answer was one thing or another. Sometimes I welcome that line of questioning and sometimes I shut it down because I am embarrassed. I have actually talked about her sex life in general terms (no questions) because it was relevant to something I was explaining about myself. She did not seem ruffled even by that. I don't think it's my job to filter myself in session, and I'm pretty sure she would agree.

For my current T, I'll copy and paste the conversation from In Session Today that I think inspired this poll. We'd also talked about the topic a bit before.
T: "I know we've discussed this before, how you think a client should be able to say anything in therapy, but as you know, I don't agree with that." Me: "I just keep thinking that this should be the one place where I *can* share anything, that if I can't share it here... And that I should be able to ask you anything, you can just opt not to answer." T: "I don't really think that you can ask anything. Some things wouldn't be appropriate." Me: "Like if, say, I asked you what sorts of things you like to do sexually, that wouldn't be appropriate?" T: "Yes, exactly."

Me: "But I still want to be able to share anything." T: "I just think there are limits, that you don't have to share everything. If a client told me, 'Wow, I really wish you could come on vacation with me and my husband, you could sit at the dinner table with us, and help us work through everything, ha ha!' That's a totally fine thing to share." Me: "OK, that makes sense." T: "But if she were to say to me, 'I have this elaborate sexual fantasy involving you and my husband, and this is the point where I rip off your clothes,' that wouldn't be OK." Me: "Yeah, OK."

So, there are definitely limits with my T, although I wish there weren't. Will mention ex-MC's policy in separate post.

Edited to add: Also in that same session, I told T about my fears of crossing one of those boundaries without being aware he had it (or with him not even being aware it was a boundary until I'd asked). And he did reassure me that it's not like he'd terminate me over it, we'd process it and work through it. So that was good to know.

I couldn't decide between "Yes, there is no topic off-limits," or "I don't know," so I picked "other."

My T tells me all the time that therapy is for talking about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. So far, she has reacted well to everythign I've told her....but it is like pulling teeth to get me to talk, so there is a lot that is unsaid.

Deep down, I think I could talk to her about everything that goes through my brain, and think it would be okay, but there is so much fear and avoidance on top of that, that I am not sure it is actually true. If that makes sense?

With ex-marriage counselor, he seemed to be of the policy that it was OK to share anything, any thoughts or feelings. And up until something that happened near the end, he seemed accepting and nonshaming of anything I shared, including stuff about my transference for him. And he'd said it was OK to ask him anything, but he couldn't guarantee he would answer (and no, I didn't ask him the "what he likes sexually" question!) That mostly came up when I suspected, then he confirmed that his wife was sick, that I could ask him anything about what's going on with her, he just would only answer some of it. And he tended to be quite open about himself and his family otherwise, lots of disclosing without us needing to ask!

But then what led to the end of it all, which most of you have probably read before, is my sharing in an e-mail that I loved him. Even though it was something I'd said before, and I clarified in a subsequent e-mail that it was platonic, and he initially said, "Of course it's OK!" when I asked in that first e-mail if it's OK...a phone call after that led to the unraveling of our relationship when he acted harshly toward me, was gaslighting me about how he'd acted in the past (like with boundaries and outside contact and stuff), and then said I had to reduce contact. So apparently it wasn't OK to share *anything* after all...

I'm going to have a little trigger warning here.

First thing I'd like to ask of those who say no, what types of things do you feel you can't bring up?

My above questions leads into my answer. I said I don't know and I'm answering that about a therapist I saw 2 years ago and am about to start seeing again. My previous therapist from four years ago I was pretty open with about suicide and all things depression related but I never brought up transgender issues in part because I didn't know to apply that word to myself at the time and also because I wasn't ready to talk about it.

As far as the T I'm about to start seeing again, I originally sought her out because she openly advertises as an LGBT counselor. I openly discussed almost everything transgender related to her. I've contacted her and am going back to see her July 3rd and I'll be focusing on depression and suicidal ideation. I don't want to be in a situation where I can't be open about SI because she wants me to go to the hospital or something. So I'll have to feel her out and if she isn't comfortable going there then I might have to seek out a different T. I hope I don't have to seek out a new one.

I purposely waited until tonight to answer this poll, because I didn't know the answer until I had my session this evening. As I had planned to do, I said goodbye to my t this evening. So my answer is yes. I could (and did) talk about absolutely anything with her. Even telling her that I needed to say goodbye and then doing so.

I really don't know. I haven't come across any limits about what I can talk about, but since all the topics are about me and it is my therapy I can't imagine that any topic would be inappropriate.
Once a little alter started to ask T if her father had ever raped her but an older one jumped in and stopped that. That part of us was innocent enough in her wanting to ask but the older one didn't want to put t in that potentially awkward spot.

My T would never, ever say that any topic is "not okay" and he values that I tell him the truth. He said so. It irks me that any therapist would put blocks on areas of conversation because they're not comfortable with them. Therapists have a responsibility to keep their own discomfort out of the client's way.

I said I can tell my T anything but I know there are questions she won't answer, like about her sexual relationship. So I wouldn't ask.

I have to be prepared for answers I don't like. When I emailed recently, about her breaking my heart because I wished we had a REAL relationship, she wanted to reinforce that she is my T and it's not about her, but about me. She says I fantasize that it is more. She wants me to find support from people in my real life, and that's been her goal for 8 years. It's fine to talk about my problem doing that, so I do believe I can tell T anything.

I can talk to my T about things I would never tell anyone else. On the other hand there is no way I could talk to him abut something like sex in my relationship with BF bc he is just really squeamish -seeming. I have never heard him use the word "sex" or refer to it in any way except to really come down hard on "people who have affairs" in general terms. This aspect of my life is fine, so it doesn't bother me, but it does stick out as something he just doesn't seem up for. He is amazing though with the topics I need to discuss.

Stopdog, you are the bestest.

Well said

I think there is also the situation where the therapist tells the client they can say anything but not realize they cannot handle everything. So while there may be no topic that is off the table - the therapist simply does not handle some topics well. So not a universal topic that one is not to talk about in therapy, there are topics one learns to avoid with a specific therapist because of how badly the therapist handles that topic. Also, there are topics I would advise people to avoid based on the laws for mandatory reporting ( in the u.s.).

Eventually I have been able to talk about anything. It has taken time and some topics have been harder than others, but eventually I have been able to bring up any subject and my T has always been encouraging.

Yes, in some ways, I actually prefer that my T is honest with me about what he can and can't handle. Or what would make him personally uncomfortable (of course...a recent situation showed that sometimes a T might not know what will make them personally uncomfortable until it happens...). But I do think there are benefits to honesty. Would I like a T who could honestly handle anything I throw at him (or her)? Sure! But if that's not the case, I prefer if they know their limits and can communicate that to me (so I can decide both what to share and also whether that T is right for me).

Do you feel like you connected with this past T? If so, yeah you can feel her out on SUI/SH, but hopefully a good T wouldn’t get freaked out about clients talking about that stuff. My T handles it amazingly. She had never expressed anything other than curiosity when I talk about these things. She knows SH is just another coping mechanism, albeit not a good one. We have gone deep in the weeds with suicidal ideation. She knows I have a plan if it ever gets bad. She knows in general terms what it is. She also had me sign a contract if i am feeling imminently suicidal, but also knows that it is just a piece of paper. She is better st reading my depression than i am. In the darkest of times, I trust her. If she says she thinks my meds aren’t working anymore, I will call the psychiatrist.

sorry, tangent! In all of this she has never threatened hospitalization on me. The most worried she has been is when we signed the contract and I promised her i was safe to go home.

I put "yes" although now that I think about it, there might be some limits. So far there hasn't been anything that I want to talk about that he hasn't been comfortable with as far as I can tell, and he's certainly never told me I can't talk about something. He's been ok with graphic descriptions of female problems and medical procedures. He's been ok with me being angry with him and telling him he's full of crap about something. But if I got very anti-religion or wanted to talk about graphic details of my sex life I think he might be uncomfortable. But I don't know how that would be helpful to me to talk about anyway.

I do actually think that if I were conflicted about my sex life or my lack of religion he'd probably manage to talk about those things though. So maybe it's more the purpose of talking about things rather than the content. If I just wanted to shock him for my own amusement, he'd probably be annoyed. But if it was an actual therapy issue, I think it would be ok.

IDK yet bc I have a new T, so we will see.

I woted "no" because there are things I wouldn´t share with my T unless they become to bother me or interfere with our therapeutic process. To me, thinking of her in relation to sexual/romantic scenes in movies is one such thing I wouldn´t tell her. Also, I wouldn't tell her that I´ve thought about how her sex life is and when/if she has had sex recently.

I think those things are quite normal in a way, I think my T has had thoughts about if I´ve ever had sex for example and for both of us and for others those thoughts are normal.

But I wouldn´t share it with her unless those thoughts took too much of my thinking which they don´t.


To me, I share things I know stop me from living a good life and I would also try to share if there´s something in our therapeutic relation that bothered me.

I think T's who say anything's ok to say are lying both to themselves and to their clients. Or perhaps they think that it's obvious that they don't mean everything everything.