In Session Today: Part V - Page 4 - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-23-2018, 11:31 AM #31
Echos Myron redux Echos Myron redux is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,805
Echos Myron redux Echos Myron redux is offline
Grand Poohbah
Echos Myron redux is tired
 
Member Since: Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,805 (SuperPoster!)

1 yr Member
1,615 hugs
given
Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lemoncake View Post
Echos you were so brave in session, thank you for sharing this. I love how he reacted to your question. I think that's really rare in a T, to be so open with a client to how they feel.

Thanks Lemoncake. Yeah he's courageous too i think. In fact I think that he models telling me how he feels encourages me to open up too. Feels safe because I can trust him to be real. Appreciate the hugs
Echos Myron redux is offline  
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 08-23-2018, 11:51 AM #32
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
Swimming duck
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 11,618
LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
Swimming duck
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 11,618 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
47.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

T yesterday—extra session to deal with stuff from Monday. Went back and sat down. T had printed a copy of my email from Monday night--I said I had a copy, too. He asked where I wanted to start. I said I probably should have figured that out before session. He suggested we start with the ex-MC part, and I said OK.

I'd said in email how it felt like Monday, T had said I'd done something wrong in telling ex-MC that I loved him, that I felt like he was saying that what happened with him was all my fault. T: "The only mistake you made was sharing something like that and not being prepared for him to have a big reaction to it." Me: "Um..." T: "I'm trying to help you understand how people can react to you. That in choosing to tell someone something, you need to understand how it can affect them and how they could react." Me: "OK...I get that, but...it still seems like you're trying to say it's all my fault what happened. When I don't think it was just me. I think it was some stuff with ex-MC, too."

T said he wasn't trying to assign blame, that some of ex-MC's inconsistent boundaries likely contributed. He mentioned ex-MC's excessive self-disclosure. T: "It probably felt to you that he was letting you into his world." Me: "Yes, it kind of did. I don't know that he realizes the effect it had on me or could have on other clients." T: "He probably doesn't." Me: "He'd say it's just who he is as a therapist."

I said I couldn't believe that I was the first client to tell him I loved him. T: "And Ex-MC is a lovable sort of guy, very warm and sensitive and caring. He's squishy." Me: "Yeah, it's why I said a stuffed animal made sense to represent him."

Me: "When you said boundaries, I assumed you meant because he was our marriage counselor." T: "Well, there's that, too. It complicated things." Me: "I kind of feel like...the way he was inconsistent, that he was sometimes willing to talk to me on phone but other times not, that he would sometimes reply to email sometimes not, that he would say we could talk about anything in session sometimes, then other times say we had to stick to marriage counseling stuff--it felt like that contributed to my insecure attachment." T: "Hm, like intermittent reinforcement. That makes sense." Me: "Yes, like sometimes he gave me what I wanted so I kept pushing him to get it, to get more of it."

I said sometimes I wished that I could have just been working with ex-MC, so that we could have fully addressed it. T: "Well, but that could have had its own set of problems. Then you would just be a man and a woman sitting in a room talking, with no H there." Me (thinking...isn't that what I'm doing right now with you?): "True."

Me: “Maybe I just define love differently, like I have a lower threshold. Where some people would think it means I’d take a bullet for them.” T: “That could be. Maybe for you it could be how someone makes you feel when you’re with them, for example.” Me: "Yes. So my saying love might seem scary to someone because of what they think it means. Which is different from what I mean. when I say it." Mentioned how a guy had dumped me after I said I loved him, and how I'd vowed never t say it first in relationship after that. And with people since then, including H, if I started feeling love toward them, it was like "Oh no, what if they can tell, what if they can figure it out." I forget what T said to that.

Said I wanted to cover some other topics in email too. Brought up the ever-present original stone, how his reaction to that still continued to affect me. I said it wasn't so much that I wanted an apology for what he said, I just wanted him to really understand why it upset me. Like when he called it "10% creepy" and compared it to digging through a celebrity's trash. T: "But remember, I said that was on the other end of the spectrum." Me: "But I don't want to be on that spectrum at all!"

I asked why he was OK giving me the stone now for the trip--was it because it was for a set period of time? T: "Maybe that's part of it, but it's really more that I know you better now and I think I understand what's going on with it."

Then I made the stupid decision to bring up looking at his photo. Me: "What I don't understand is why you were bothered by the stone when you thought it was about you, but then you seemed totally fine with my looking at your photo, which is very clearly about you. It's not like I was looking at a photo of the building." T: "Well, I wouldn't say I was totally fine with it. Maybe 5% bothered." Me (starting to cry): "What? I thought you were OK with it?" T: "But that's such a tiny amount. It's barely anything at all. I don't see why it's so upsetting." Me: "Because I don't want it to be any percent. I just want you to be OK with it."

T: "I'm not immune to you, LT." Me: "What?" T: "Things you say and do affect me. I'm not going to hide that. I'm trying to teach you how other people can be affected by what you choose to share. So that maybe you'll think more carefully about it before you share with them." Me: "...Are you trying to say if something like this happens in the future, I shouldn't share it with you?" T: "Well, you should really think about the effect it could have." Me: "But wouldn't something like that have therapeutic value? Like, say, why I was looking at your photo one week but not another?" T: "I'm just saying to think about what you share." Me: "And I know you're trying to get me to know how affect other people...but I'm not going to tell my friend that I missed her and looked at her photo. Well, possibly a family member, but...I think that's kind of normal."

I started crying, "I just have trouble internalizing things, internalizing other people's feelings for me. Not just with you, with anyone. So I need the outside things sometimes. And I don't want to have to hide that." I forget what T said to that. I asked if it would bother him if I went back and read some of his emails to me. He said no, that he wrote emails to clients with the thought that they might revisit them, so that's fine. Me: "OK, that's part of why I initially wanted you to reply to Monday's email, so I'd have it to look at. But then I realized I was sort of afraid of how you'd reply, and we'd only have Friday before the break, so..." T: "I think it's better we met. I've said some fairly harsh things today, and it's better that I'm able to see your reactions to those." Me: "Yes, some of this would have been even more difficult over email."

Me: "I know we're near the end, but there's one other thing I want to bring up that wasn't in the email but that I thought about from Monday." T: “Is this going to be a uncomfortable place to end session?" Me: "I don’t think so, I just want to clarify something, an impression I got." T: "OK." Me: "So when we were talking about secure attachment, you were listing various things you'd said, like told me you wouldn't abandon me, worked through conflicts with me, said that you'd tell me early on if something I did bothered you. And it sort of felt like...I got the sense that you were frustrated with me. But it's not easy, if I've had attachment issues my whole life, to just hear those things and be like, Oh, OK, everything's fine now. So...are you frustrated with me?"

T (in a caring voice): “I’m not frustrated with you, LT.” Me: "OK, thanks." T: "As you know, I can be rather intense at times." Me: "Yes." T: "When I was saying those things to you, it's because I really hate that you have to struggle with the attachment, I don't want you to be suffering." Me: "Oh. OK. Thanks."

T: "I know some of this has been difficult for you today." Me: "Yes." T: "You often seem to react more strongly than I expect you to. So I'll sometimes try to dial back the level of intensity or feedback for you." Me: "I appreciate that." T: "Sometimes I think maybe you need to tell me what you want from a topic, what you're looking for from me." Me: "OK." T: "But I am going to give feedback. Because I want to help learn to listen to and trust your internal voice first, rather than someone else's." I think I started crying here--or said something that prompted his next comment.

T: “Maybe the question should be: Do you think you can handle me?” Me: "...I think so." T: "OK. But just think about it." Me: "I will. But this makes me think of a recent forum post. Where someone had just started seeing a new T, and they were pretty harsh to them, but then they felt it was helping. And I replied to it, talking about you, saying how you say some harsh things to me as well. But that I wonder if I need to hear those harsh things and experience the emotions that come with them, in order to really get at those emotions and work on them. Like shame, for example. And I feel like I'm making progress with you, even though it's been painful at times. But I think maybe I have to do with the pain to move forward. Does that make sense?" T: "That makes a lot of sense." Me: "OK."

Confirmed Friday. T said would be fine to schedule half-hour call while I'm on vacation next week, that I could just text or email about a time. Went over and paid. Usually he stays seated while holding out his hand to me, but this time he stood up like on other side of his chair from me then was walking around to me, and I wasn’t sure if he’d forgotten the handshake and wondered why I wasn’t leaving or if he was going to shake it standing up. To break the awkwardness, I just held out my hand, and he shook it. Said he’d see me Friday, I said I’d see him then and “thanks for the extra session, though I know this is your job.” He smiled. (I was sort of hoping for a "take care," but oh well.)
LonesomeTonight is offline  
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 08-24-2018, 12:42 AM #33
MessyD MessyD is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Here
Posts: 387
MessyD MessyD is offline
Member
MessyD has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Here
Posts: 387

2 yr Member
122 hugs
given
Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

I shared a feeling I never thought I would. Once again he’s proved to be safe and trusted. I don’t know how many more times he’s going to have to do that before I can express myself and let it all out. I need it, we know it, yet there’s still something shutting me down when I get close.
MessyD is offline  
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 08-24-2018, 06:15 AM #34
CantExplain's Avatar
CantExplain CantExplain is online now
Big Poppa
 
Member Since: Oct 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 19,081
CantExplain CantExplain is online now
Big Poppa
CantExplain's Avatar
CantExplain is back to his normal grumpy self
 
Member Since: Oct 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 19,081 (SuperPoster!)

5 yr Member
18.5k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

I don't like your T, LT. He's wishy-washy. You should be allowed to speak freely without fear of his petty reservations.
__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc.

Have you tried strapping a potato to it?
CantExplain is online now  
Old 08-24-2018, 07:02 AM #35
SalingerEsme's Avatar
SalingerEsme SalingerEsme is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: Neverland
Posts: 1,546
SalingerEsme SalingerEsme is offline
Grand Poohbah
SalingerEsme's Avatar
SalingerEsme has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: Neverland
Posts: 1,546 (SuperPoster!)

1 yr Member
3,810 hugs
given
Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

Your T seems to be trying to tailor therapy just for you. He is trying to empower you in a very particular way, that same message as Andi McDowell to James Spader in Sex Lies and Videotape . You affect me, you affect MC with your words, you can't say things that have no effect on others and the feelings of others about you. People aren't immune to you- and that is good and bad. I think about the bond between you and your T in terms of children- how they are differently affected by words and how you have to be. And how he is there telling you hey LT, if you tell me you love me, then I am going to react huge bc that is a huge statement. I don't know if that s right.





Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
T yesterday—extra session to deal with stuff from Monday. Went back and sat down. T had printed a copy of my email from Monday night--I said I had a copy, too. He asked where I wanted to start. I said I probably should have figured that out before session. He suggested we start with the ex-MC part, and I said OK.

I'd said in email how it felt like Monday, T had said I'd done something wrong in telling ex-MC that I loved him, that I felt like he was saying that what happened with him was all my fault. T: "The only mistake you made was sharing something like that and not being prepared for him to have a big reaction to it." Me: "Um..." T: "I'm trying to help you understand how people can react to you. That in choosing to tell someone something, you need to understand how it can affect them and how they could react." Me: "OK...I get that, but...it still seems like you're trying to say it's all my fault what happened. When I don't think it was just me. I think it was some stuff with ex-MC, too."

T said he wasn't trying to assign blame, that some of ex-MC's inconsistent boundaries likely contributed. He mentioned ex-MC's excessive self-disclosure. T: "It probably felt to you that he was letting you into his world." Me: "Yes, it kind of did. I don't know that he realizes the effect it had on me or could have on other clients." T: "He probably doesn't." Me: "He'd say it's just who he is as a therapist."

I said I couldn't believe that I was the first client to tell him I loved him. T: "And Ex-MC is a lovable sort of guy, very warm and sensitive and caring. He's squishy." Me: "Yeah, it's why I said a stuffed animal made sense to represent him."

Me: "When you said boundaries, I assumed you meant because he was our marriage counselor." T: "Well, there's that, too. It complicated things." Me: "I kind of feel like...the way he was inconsistent, that he was sometimes willing to talk to me on phone but other times not, that he would sometimes reply to email sometimes not, that he would say we could talk about anything in session sometimes, then other times say we had to stick to marriage counseling stuff--it felt like that contributed to my insecure attachment." T: "Hm, like intermittent reinforcement. That makes sense." Me: "Yes, like sometimes he gave me what I wanted so I kept pushing him to get it, to get more of it."

I said sometimes I wished that I could have just been working with ex-MC, so that we could have fully addressed it. T: "Well, but that could have had its own set of problems. Then you would just be a man and a woman sitting in a room talking, with no H there." Me (thinking...isn't that what I'm doing right now with you?): "True."

Me: “Maybe I just define love differently, like I have a lower threshold. Where some people would think it means I’d take a bullet for them.” T: “That could be. Maybe for you it could be how someone makes you feel when you’re with them, for example.” Me: "Yes. So my saying love might seem scary to someone because of what they think it means. Which is different from what I mean. when I say it." Mentioned how a guy had dumped me after I said I loved him, and how I'd vowed never t say it first in relationship after that. And with people since then, including H, if I started feeling love toward them, it was like "Oh no, what if they can tell, what if they can figure it out." I forget what T said to that.

Said I wanted to cover some other topics in email too. Brought up the ever-present original stone, how his reaction to that still continued to affect me. I said it wasn't so much that I wanted an apology for what he said, I just wanted him to really understand why it upset me. Like when he called it "10% creepy" and compared it to digging through a celebrity's trash. T: "But remember, I said that was on the other end of the spectrum." Me: "But I don't want to be on that spectrum at all!"

I asked why he was OK giving me the stone now for the trip--was it because it was for a set period of time? T: "Maybe that's part of it, but it's really more that I know you better now and I think I understand what's going on with it."

Then I made the stupid decision to bring up looking at his photo. Me: "What I don't understand is why you were bothered by the stone when you thought it was about you, but then you seemed totally fine with my looking at your photo, which is very clearly about you. It's not like I was looking at a photo of the building." T: "Well, I wouldn't say I was totally fine with it. Maybe 5% bothered." Me (starting to cry): "What? I thought you were OK with it?" T: "But that's such a tiny amount. It's barely anything at all. I don't see why it's so upsetting." Me: "Because I don't want it to be any percent. I just want you to be OK with it."

T: "I'm not immune to you, LT." Me: "What?" T: "Things you say and do affect me. I'm not going to hide that. I'm trying to teach you how other people can be affected by what you choose to share. So that maybe you'll think more carefully about it before you share with them." Me: "...Are you trying to say if something like this happens in the future, I shouldn't share it with you?" T: "Well, you should really think about the effect it could have." Me: "But wouldn't something like that have therapeutic value? Like, say, why I was looking at your photo one week but not another?" T: "I'm just saying to think about what you share." Me: "And I know you're trying to get me to know how affect other people...but I'm not going to tell my friend that I missed her and looked at her photo. Well, possibly a family member, but...I think that's kind of normal."

I started crying, "I just have trouble internalizing things, internalizing other people's feelings for me. Not just with you, with anyone. So I need the outside things sometimes. And I don't want to have to hide that." I forget what T said to that. I asked if it would bother him if I went back and read some of his emails to me. He said no, that he wrote emails to clients with the thought that they might revisit them, so that's fine. Me: "OK, that's part of why I initially wanted you to reply to Monday's email, so I'd have it to look at. But then I realized I was sort of afraid of how you'd reply, and we'd only have Friday before the break, so..." T: "I think it's better we met. I've said some fairly harsh things today, and it's better that I'm able to see your reactions to those." Me: "Yes, some of this would have been even more difficult over email."

Me: "I know we're near the end, but there's one other thing I want to bring up that wasn't in the email but that I thought about from Monday." T: “Is this going to be a uncomfortable place to end session?" Me: "I don’t think so, I just want to clarify something, an impression I got." T: "OK." Me: "So when we were talking about secure attachment, you were listing various things you'd said, like told me you wouldn't abandon me, worked through conflicts with me, said that you'd tell me early on if something I did bothered you. And it sort of felt like...I got the sense that you were frustrated with me. But it's not easy, if I've had attachment issues my whole life, to just hear those things and be like, Oh, OK, everything's fine now. So...are you frustrated with me?"

T (in a caring voice): “I’m not frustrated with you, LT.” Me: "OK, thanks." T: "As you know, I can be rather intense at times." Me: "Yes." T: "When I was saying those things to you, it's because I really hate that you have to struggle with the attachment, I don't want you to be suffering." Me: "Oh. OK. Thanks."

T: "I know some of this has been difficult for you today." Me: "Yes." T: "You often seem to react more strongly than I expect you to. So I'll sometimes try to dial back the level of intensity or feedback for you." Me: "I appreciate that." T: "Sometimes I think maybe you need to tell me what you want from a topic, what you're looking for from me." Me: "OK." T: "But I am going to give feedback. Because I want to help learn to listen to and trust your internal voice first, rather than someone else's." I think I started crying here--or said something that prompted his next comment.

T: “Maybe the question should be: Do you think you can handle me?” Me: "...I think so." T: "OK. But just think about it." Me: "I will. But this makes me think of a recent forum post. Where someone had just started seeing a new T, and they were pretty harsh to them, but then they felt it was helping. And I replied to it, talking about you, saying how you say some harsh things to me as well. But that I wonder if I need to hear those harsh things and experience the emotions that come with them, in order to really get at those emotions and work on them. Like shame, for example. And I feel like I'm making progress with you, even though it's been painful at times. But I think maybe I have to do with the pain to move forward. Does that make sense?" T: "That makes a lot of sense." Me: "OK."

Confirmed Friday. T said would be fine to schedule half-hour call while I'm on vacation next week, that I could just text or email about a time. Went over and paid. Usually he stays seated while holding out his hand to me, but this time he stood up like on other side of his chair from me then was walking around to me, and I wasn’t sure if he’d forgotten the handshake and wondered why I wasn’t leaving or if he was going to shake it standing up. To break the awkwardness, I just held out my hand, and he shook it. Said he’d see me Friday, I said I’d see him then and “thanks for the extra session, though I know this is your job.” He smiled. (I was sort of hoping for a "take care," but oh well.)
__________________
Living things don’t all require/ light in the same degree. Louise Gluck
SalingerEsme is offline  
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 08-24-2018, 08:45 AM #36
Anne2.0 Anne2.0 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,074
Anne2.0 Anne2.0 is offline
Grand Magnate
Anne2.0 elephant walks on
 
Member Since: Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,074

5 yr Member
132 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
And it sort of felt like...I got the sense that you were frustrated with me. But it's not easy, if I've had attachment issues my whole life, to just hear those things and be like, Oh, OK, everything's fine now. So...are you frustrated with me?"

T (in a caring voice): “I’m not frustrated with you, LT.” Me: "OK, thanks." T: "As you know, I can be rather intense at times." Me: "Yes." T: "When I was saying those things to you, it's because I really hate that you have to struggle with the attachment, I don't want you to be suffering." Me: "Oh. OK. Thanks."
I think this is a big deal, checking out your perception of his perceptions. I don't think too many people are good readers of other people, especially when it relates to reading others about us. And when we have an emotional reaction to our wrong perceptions, that's the cost. Most people are hard to read, and some (unlike your T) either can't or won't tell you what they think.

What has been helpful to me when I've checked out my guesses about T's emotional responding is that what I've read as anger or frustration is really his desire (similar I think to your T) to help me, to relieve my suffering (or as he sometimes says, "to rescue you from that x,y, or z"). I'm not sure if this is the same thing your T is saying, but it seems in the neighborhood. I think asking about whether my perceptions of him have been accurate has given me a strong sense of whoa, I'm way off there, especially because I'm reading his desire to help as something negative about me. I think it's also been useful in decreasing my anxiety about what other people think, because it seems pretty clear I can't know unless I check it out with them. And if I'm unwilling or unable to do so, I prefer to proceed on the most benign interpretation possible. It's helped me let go of a sense that people react negatively to me, or if they do, that I don't mind unless I'm unhappy with my responses to them.

I think it's great your T willing to be straight with you about this. It seems like he has said a couple of times that he wants to help you with your understanding of how people react to you. The understated part of this may be that you often distort what you think about other people's reaction as most of us do, over interpreting them as negative, which I think in turn drives your anxiety about their reactions, which may spin into a cycle because then your anxiety may drive behavior towards others that makes them want to back off, then that feels negative/bad, rinse, repeat, etc.

I think when therapy is a safe place to check our perceptions like this out, it's possible to make great progress in interrupting cycles of negativity.
Anne2.0 is offline  
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 08-24-2018, 10:41 AM #37
ElectricManatee's Avatar
ElectricManatee ElectricManatee is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,394
ElectricManatee ElectricManatee is offline
Poohbah
ElectricManatee's Avatar
ElectricManatee has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,394

1 yr Member
2,665 hugs
given
Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

I think Anne2.0 has a great point about using therapy to check in about others' perceptions of us. But I think the key word is "check in." I don't think the client necessarily needs a lot of input about what the therapist feels (especially if there is a negative component to it) before the client has a solid grasp on what they're experiencing, why, and how they [the client] feels about it. I think that's true even if the client prematurely asks if something is okay with the therapist. I can think of times when I have been highly emotional about something that brings me shame and have asked my therapist if it's okay. She usually mirrors my feelings back to me and tells me that my feelings are okay. I don't think that would be the right time for her to say, "Well, I myself am feeling a little uncomfortable right now..." I think it would be better for her to keep her impressions to herself and maybe use them later to inform her response if a similar thing is coming up in a story I'm telling about an interaction with somebody else, or if I get to a point where her discomfort is relevant to pushing my therapy forward. (I admit that this is hypothetical because I don't know that my T has found any of my behaviors or thoughts creepy or uncomfortable. But then she generally has a pretty good understanding of why I do the things I do, even when I initially don't.)
ElectricManatee is offline  
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 08-24-2018, 11:02 AM #38
Echos Myron redux Echos Myron redux is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,805
Echos Myron redux Echos Myron redux is offline
Grand Poohbah
Echos Myron redux is tired
 
Member Since: Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,805 (SuperPoster!)

1 yr Member
1,615 hugs
given
Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

LT, a lot of your most upsetting experiences have centred around peoples responses to you (take MC for example) so I don't think you are under any illusions about the way people respond to you. That's why this T reiterating a similar response to those you've experienced in the past seems less than helpful. It seems like further rejection and shaming. Much better, I would have thought, to explore where these needs are coming from and deal with that, rather than to supposedly try to educate you on his own ideas of what other people might be thinking. The irony that he accuses you of mindreading...

I don't know whether he has completely missed what an intuitive and attuned person you are, LT, but thinking he can somehow change the way you relate to others by telling you what others have told you before is patronising and really underestimates your ability to work this stuff out for yourself, I think. There are underlying needs driving your behaviour, not a misunderstanding about what other people think.

Last edited by Echos Myron redux; 08-24-2018 at 11:14 AM.
Echos Myron redux is offline  
Old 08-24-2018, 11:18 AM #39
Anne2.0 Anne2.0 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,074
Anne2.0 Anne2.0 is offline
Grand Magnate
Anne2.0 elephant walks on
 
Member Since: Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,074

5 yr Member
132 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

Quote:
Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux View Post
I don't know whether he has completely missed what an intuitive and attuned person you are, LT, but thinking he can somehow change the way you relate to others by telling you what others have told you before is patronising and really underestimates your ability to work this stuff out for yourself, I think. There are underlying needs driving your behaviour, not a misunderstanding about what other people think.
It seems to me it is a misunderstanding when LT said to T that she sensed he was frustrated but it turned out he was not, he was wanting to help her end her suffering. I don't have any special skills to determine who is or is not intuitive or attuned, but I think that even the most gifted of people often misperceive what they think other people are thinking and feeling without checking in with them to test whether these assumptions are correct. The people I've known who claim they are excellent at reading others pretty much uniformly aren't, but they've constructed an alternative reality where they believe they are correct and do not seek or pay attention to information that contradicts this.

I don't see any patronizing, just direct answers to questions and a willingness to engage what is brought to therapy.
Anne2.0 is offline  
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 08-24-2018, 11:24 AM #40
ElectricManatee's Avatar
ElectricManatee ElectricManatee is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,394
ElectricManatee ElectricManatee is offline
Poohbah
ElectricManatee's Avatar
ElectricManatee has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,394

1 yr Member
2,665 hugs
given
Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

Quote:
Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux View Post
LT, a lot of your most upsetting experiences have centred around peoples responses to you (take MC for example) so I don't think you are under any illusions about the way people respond to you. That's why this T reiterating a similar response to those you've experienced in the past seems less than helpful. It seems like further rejection and shaming. Much better, I would have thought, to explore where these needs are coming from and deal with that, rather than to supposedly try to educate you on his own ideas of what other people might be thinking. The irony that he accuses you of mindreading...

I don't know whether he has completely missed what an intuitive and attuned person you are, LT, but thinking he can somehow change the way you relate to others by telling you what others have told you before is patronising and really underestimates your ability to work this stuff out for yourself, I think. There are underlying needs driving your behaviour, not a misunderstanding about what other people think.
Yes! This is so spot-on! One last thing before I stop clogging up the In Session thread: my anxiety around needing to know what other people are thinking (and my assumption that their perception of me is very negative) comes from a childhood need to know what my passive-aggressive/ambivalent mother was thinking so I could contort myself and my behaviors enough to please her and get the care/attention/protection that I desperately needed. It worked then when she was so emotionally unpredictable and inconsistently available, but it doesn't work for me now that I'm surrounded by stable people who genuinely care about me. If your anxious attachment style has similar underpinnings, then your therapist's insistence on making his reactions such a central focus of therapy will threaten to replicate past experiences and probably won't actually help you become more confident in yourself and comfortable in your own skin.
ElectricManatee is offline  
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:52 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.