In Session Today: Part V - Page 52 - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 12-19-2018, 05:33 PM #511
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

Echos-reading from afar, it sounded like he rubbed salt in your wound when he said the video was scary. Maybe there was a connection where the Facebook part of the video led to a reopening of the wound from your big rupture where he referred to you as an "internet sleuth". It seemed really out of line for him to say the video was "scary", regardless if it was an oversight about the connection with the previous rupture or only due to common carelessness. I couldn't help but notice that he self discloses unusually excessively. I wonder if you've thought about that?

The video seemed funny except when she stopped playing the piano--then it had a brief sense of being out of control. That is scary to me. I've been on the end of idealization many times; one time,
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So I can see something like that seemingly harmless video as scary or even triggering me. Then again, I'm not a therapist and never could be due to this issue that resulted in what seems like lifelong PTSD now. Anyway, when someone overidealizes, and I don't mean the garden variety, they lose their whole sense of self and are merged with the person they are idealizing. It's very similar to psychosis, but instead of someone disconnecting from reality in the world around them, they disconnect from the reality of who they are. That can be very scary when you are on the other end. Maybe that has happened to your T? I hope you don't mind me sharing this.

I can relate to not feeling accepted by T. I've dealt with some painful ruptures with my T when he seemed rejecting of my intense feelings. I don't think I ever recovered from it, and instead, introjected it like I did my mother's contempt for me for merely existing.

That's great that he gave you a christmas card, and I'm glad that you feel better now.
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Old 12-19-2018, 05:40 PM #512
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

Quote:
Originally Posted by octoberful View Post
I couldn't help but notice that he self discloses unusually excessively. I wonder if you've thought about that?
What has given you that impression? I don't think that's true of Echos' T at all.
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Old 12-19-2018, 06:01 PM #513
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

Quote:
Originally Posted by lucozader View Post
What has given you that impression? I don't think that's true of Echos' T at all.
It's not really an impression as he talks about his feelings a lot. Saying the video was scary is an example of his self disclosure.

Anyway, Echos, I was just curious about your thoughts about it, if you care to share.

Quote:
He thought for a minute and said he thought the power projected onto the therapist was scary; it's scary to him to have that much power, and that he found the therapist suddenly declaring she would be away for two weeks at the end of the session with no regard to the impact on the client pretty scary.

He said that he was shaken by how profoundly hurt I was by what he had said.

He said "I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job of it at the moment". I looked at him. I nearly said "I don't know what you're supposed to do" but before I could he said "That's not asking for reassurance, it's just a true statement of how I'm feeling right now.".

...how we both experience fear and enjoyment around the way we impact on each other sometimes.

He said he sometimes feels very connected to my experience in session, and thinks he does know a little of the pain I go through, but it's not all the time. He added that I was right, he hasn't experienced the kind of transference I go through. He paused and said "I had some pretty intense feelings towards my first therapist, but not on the level you experience".

He said that it is possible that I could remind him of parts of himself he has not yet accepted about himself, and that's happened a couple of times in the past and he has to work through that, but...and he said clearly "I am not aware, Echos, of finding any part of you unacceptable at all". He said "We have come too far for me to give you a simple answer, I feel like I owe you the truth [about not knowing what could be in his unconscious]."
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Old 12-19-2018, 06:16 PM #514
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

Quote:
Originally Posted by octoberful View Post
It's not really an impression as he talks about his feelings a lot. Saying the video was scary is an example of his self disclosure.

Anyway, Echos, I was just curious about your thoughts about it, if you care to share.
Oh, sorry, I wasn't aware that your opinion was actually an objective fact. That was silly of me.

Generally the term 'self-disclosure' is not used to refer to a therapist sharing their feelings and reactions in the moment, and in response to what the client brings, although yes that is certainly something that Echos' T does. And yes she has thought about it. She very much likes and requires him to work in that way. It's pretty unusual, though, for him to do it in the manner of that email. I also don't believe he does it to an 'unusually excessive' degree, and I don't understand what you are basing that on. You proclaim it as if you're some sort of expert.

It's usually used to refer to a therapist sharing facts about their life outside of the therapy. That is not something that Echos' T does much of at all - though he will do it if he sees good reason to.
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Old 12-19-2018, 07:03 PM #515
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

Quote:
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Oh, sorry, I wasn't aware that your opinion was actually an objective fact. That was silly of me.

Generally the term 'self-disclosure' is not used to refer to a therapist sharing their feelings and reactions in the moment, and in response to what the client brings, although yes that is certainly something that Echos' T does. And yes she has thought about it. She very much likes and requires him to work in that way. It's pretty unusual, though, for him to do it in the manner of that email. I also don't believe he does it to an 'unusually excessive' degree, and I don't understand what you are basing that on. You proclaim it as if you're some sort of expert.

It's usually used to refer to a therapist sharing facts about their life outside of the therapy. That is not something that Echos' T does much of at all - though he will do it if he sees good reason to.
I have no stake in the definition, but that's not true at all. A therapist talking about his feelings is self-disclosure. What you are referring to here is more the colloquial meaning rather than the clinical application of the concept.

As you've answered for Echos, and since I'm rather uncomfortable with your reaction/response to my question, I will not come back to the thread.
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Old 12-19-2018, 07:39 PM #516
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

I am in no way commenting on Echos's therapist's self disclosure, but I am also under the impression that self disclosure includes disclosures relating to the therapist's feelings.
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Old 12-20-2018, 04:10 AM #517
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

Thanks to all who have commented. As one of the commenters has decided not to return to the thread I won't respond directly to the points raised except to say thank you for the different perspectives. I know you are all sharing your feelings about what I have posted with consideration for me, and sincerity.
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Old 12-21-2018, 07:02 AM #518
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

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this is the book t got me!
can't wait to start reading it

https://www.amazon.com/Inside-Outsid...a-524509722238

In Session Today: Part V
I ordered this to read along with you
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Old 12-21-2018, 07:05 AM #519
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

Echos, your T seems emotionally brave and so do you. The focus on the relational aspect has a distinct flavor, that my T isn't trained for and wouldn't readily embrace.
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Old 12-21-2018, 10:51 AM #520
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

First, I asked T when he'd be back after Christmas. Then I said I had two different topics to discuss.

I wanted to talk about my mom. She made some mean comments about therapists last Christmas and I was worried it'd happen again. T asked how long I'd be there, whether my partner would join us. He said that if feelings come up based on what my mom says, to just accept and feel them. They'd be over in a few minutes and it wouldn't matter how often she'd say something, they'd just come and go. He also said I can of course tell her I have a different opinion. But to not fight and tell her she's wrong, she can have her own opinion as well and that's okay.

Then I said I'd been thinking some more about the way I sometimes behave in therapy. First I thought about one of my friends with whom I had acted quite similarly. After that I thought about one of my teachers. i talked with him a lot during high school, which my T knows. With that teacher I never really acted out, I cried sometimes but not in a way where I couldn't calm down anymore. I had some flashbacks when I thought about that, and I'd like to talk about one part, even though I'm not sure how connected it is to the actual thing I was thinking about.
T said that was okay.

I then told him a lot about the conversations I used to have with that teacher as well as the general situation around that time. T asked a bit about the teacher as well as whether I had issues with people in school. We talked about that for a while, we also talked about a girl I had a crush on in high school which didn't go over to well. We used to hold hands before I told her about my feelings, and T asked whether that's not a normal thing to do for 13 year olds. I told him that I didn't know, but it wasn't normal for me. T said he wasn't sure whether it's normal either, he couldn't tell. Then we also discussed the reaction of adults involved. He asked me what should have happened such that I would have felt better about everything. I answered that all I ever wanted to have an open discussion with that girl, to just tell her what's okay for me and what isn't. But instead I just got told what to not do and didn't have any way to answer, nobody listened to me. T mentioned how all the adults there seemed to not have understood what was important. That they either overreacted or under-reacted, but nobody would just let us talk to each other.

After that, he asked what the stuff we had talked about meant to me, what effect it had on me. I said I'm now scared to talk to women. I'm scared to share feelings with people and of people in general. He agreed with all of those points and asked whether I could also feel that or whether that's just my rational side. I said I can feel about 80% of it. He then went on for a while about how this is just a memory, a story. That it's not now and that's important to remember. That it's part of me and that it's okay.
He also said how some of the things that happened would probably not be allowed anymore today, like talking to a teacher off campus once a week. And he mentioned that we couldn't know what all the other people in this memory thought and felt at the time, but that it doesn't really matter either.

I said that I'd like to look at him. He replied that I could if I wanted to and I did. At first he just looked back, but then I smiled at him and he started to almost laugh. He seemed to really enjoy it. He said I seem to have more courage than a few weeks ago.

Then he mentioned we'd have to stop soon. He got a card saying when my next appointment would be. I was incredibly happy about it, even though it's just a generic thing. Then he wished me a good time and "good games" (referencing the fact that my main hobby is gaming). I laughed about that which made him laugh. He then again said that for how long he'd be out, I told him that he's already telling me this for the third time now. He said "Yes, I think I've already said everything...". Then he got up and we shook hands, he said "until next year" and I left.
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