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Old 12-07-2018, 11:38 PM #111
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

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Originally Posted by BudFox View Post
Also, seems many people who report long term benefit are still in therapy. What happens after termination, which seems to destroy some people? Or if termination never comes, does that mean "working thru" transference is a process without end?
those are some interesting questions to ponder i too wonder why those who are in long term therapy and, i guess they do believe it's beneficial, but why continue to remain instead of going out and 'testing' the skills one should have learned or improved upon from their therapy? why do these clients prefer to remain?

personally, i always thought the point of most therapies was to get one to the point to where they no longer needed the support or assistance of a therapist. similar to a child growing up and going out into the world. i deeply love and cherish my children, and have watched them grow from infant-hood to young adults now. nothing brings me more satisfaction and makes me happier then to know that my job as a parent is almost complete. well, a parents job is never over, but at least i can say i have been with them along the way and watched them grow up into mature adults who i am confident are ready to venture out into the wide world with out me constantly having to hold their hand. i would hope a Ts motivation would be similar. honestly, as much as i love my kids, i want them to succeed and not have to move back home. i do question the motivation of some therapist who are happy to keep a client long term (10 years plus) and do start to wonder if that is more about the T and their needs instead of the clients needs.
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Old 12-08-2018, 12:24 AM #112
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

As one client, I would say that during a long therapy, I never experienced an on-going need for a T to hold my hand. I never experienced extreme dependency, nor did my T in any way encourage such dependency. A long-term therapy is not inherently a dysfunctional therapy, nor does it necessarily reflect any significant diagnosis.



And while I have recently been seeing a different T, after 20+ yrs since termination of my first experience, it is for very different reasons having no connection to the former therapy. I would not even characterize this experience as being "in therapy," but rather, as consulting a therapist.
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Old 12-08-2018, 01:01 AM #113
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

I was in long-term therapy (10 years) and also never experienced my therapist as hand-holding nor did I experience dependency that made my therapy dysfunctional or laden with transference issues. My therapist always had an end in mind and we worked toward that end so that when my goals were reached, ending therapy was not at all difficult nor was it traumatic or damaging; it was a very natural and positive ending, and I have done extremely well since leaving my therapy nearly 6 years ago.
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Old 12-08-2018, 01:53 AM #114
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

I am still in therapy, slowly wrapping things up. I don't see it as "transference not worked through". What a silly thought. For now I benefit from still going, it is a way of self care, not a sign of transference or dependancy. I benefit from discussing my issues and history with a professional, and as long as one finds it does good, I can't see where the problem is. In a way it is like gym or hairdresser for someone else. Something that improves the quality of life.

Last edited by elisewin; 12-08-2018 at 02:53 AM.
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Old 12-08-2018, 02:55 AM #115
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

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Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins View Post
My therapist always had an end in mind and we worked toward that end so that when my goals were reached, ending therapy was not at all difficult nor was it traumatic or damaging; it was a very natural and positive ending, and I have done extremely well since leaving my therapy nearly 6 years ago.
You don't miss your therapist ?
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Old 12-08-2018, 03:43 AM #116
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

It's really interesting reading people's different experiences and emotional reactions to therapy. Several years ago it helped me a lot to read about other people's negative reactions to therapy because I was struggling a lot with my own, and thought the negative reactions in me were "unacceptable" -- as, perhaps they were somewhat in their intensity and in their compartmentalization. Factors that might have been addressed in a "good" therapy -- but how could I, as I was at the time, understand or recognize that on my own? I couldn't/didn't. Reading other people's experiences and opinions about therapy helped me a lot.

I just got the book "The Betrayal Bond" mentioned in another thread, and wow, does it help explain things to me.

I was in therapy for a long time. My last therapist bailed. I/we got (close) to the nugget of my stuff and she bailed. It was too close to her unresolved stuff apparently, and hence "ethical" for her to terminate. What else could she do? She couldn't do what she couldn't do. But what a (repeat) betrayal to/for me.

It may help to distinguish that it wasn't just a "transference" that was the issue. More like, it became reenactment. The T wasn't fully conscious of her stuff, and couldn't get there, and hence couldn't help me. And I was traumatically bonded to her, and to the idea of therapy as help for my problems. A very negative, and hurtful, experience.
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Old 12-08-2018, 06:43 AM #117
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

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Originally Posted by koru_kiwi View Post
i too wonder why those who are in long term therapy and, i guess they do believe it's beneficial, but why continue to remain instead of going out and 'testing' the skills one should have learned or improved upon from their therapy? why do these clients prefer to remain?
I find it interesting that it seems to be the rule on this board that one should question ("invalidate") that people have experienced harm from therapy, yet when people talk about the benefits they've received from therapy and explain why, it's okay to be skeptical and question their experiences. It appears the questioning does not come from a place of curiosity and desire to learn, but just another way to express an opinion. I'm stepping away from this discussion, which isn't really a discussion at all.
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Old 12-08-2018, 06:44 AM #118
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

My post had morphed into a whole new animal.
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Old 12-08-2018, 08:10 AM #119
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

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Originally Posted by here today View Post
A question, if you will -- how do you "know" you will keep benefiting? In what ways do you think/feel you can still benefit? Could you, perhaps, get those benefits in other ways?
Just in the sense I'm always learning and growing and will use therapy to support it.
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Old 12-08-2018, 09:38 AM #120
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

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Originally Posted by Gogu2 View Post
You don't miss your therapist ?
No, not at all. Therapy served its purpose, quite successfully. My therapy wasn't about him. I like the man a great deal, but once my therapy was no longer needed, I also no longer needed him. He served a very functional purpose for a long time, but he no longer serves that purpose; thus, I've moved on. I run into him from time to time in stores, etc., but he's kind of like that old coworker you used to work with in your last job. You liked them well enough, but you've both moved on to other jobs. You're surprised and pleased to run into each other from time to time, but you catch up for a few minutes and go back to your shopping. LOL.

Last edited by ArtleyWilkins; 12-08-2018 at 09:53 AM.
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