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Old 12-02-2018, 07:12 AM #1
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Default Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

Well.....has anyone successfully told their T about their type of transference (maternal, paternal, erotic) and the T was able to work with it, understand it and help you get past it? That is if they did not transfer you to another T or terminate you.
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Old 12-02-2018, 07:14 AM #2
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

I have strong paternal transference for my T. He embraced it & it is a big part of our therapy. Definitely no referral elsewhere.
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Old 12-02-2018, 07:16 AM #3
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

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Originally Posted by toomanycats View Post
I have strong paternal transference for my T. He embraced it & it is a big part of our therapy. Definitely no referral elsewhere.
How is it a big part of therapy? I do not understand how it is used as a modality? Is your T older or younger than you?
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Old 12-02-2018, 08:02 AM #4
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

My T is older - almost exactly my father's age, actually - off by a couple of months.

He has expressed his own paternal countertransference, and we freely talk from these places a lot. Meaning he will express that his paternal & protective feelings are quite strong at times. (E.g., when I have shared about a trauma). Although in much warmer terms than what I just stated...I'm not sure I'm comfortable expressly sharing some of what he's said verbatim. I'm slightly embarrassed by what I find comforting, I guess.
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Old 12-02-2018, 08:08 AM #5
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

Nope, not at all. I'm not sure that I believe it can be done any more.
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Old 12-02-2018, 08:53 AM #6
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

This was a good thread on similar topic, I also posted in it about mine in a link to yet another thread:
https://forums.psychcentral.com/psyc...t=transference

I think I've definitely worked through my main pattern, but not with a therapist. I actually believe that it can be more effective to do this using ordinary life experiences and relationships and examine them deeply and honestly in the context of both psych literature and our own life and personality. I think often trying to do this with and though a person we experience transference for can hinder the process and make it really messy, painful and ineffective. Doing it alone does require a good dose of detachment from the actual experience and looking at the larger picture, IMO. But it can be better sometimes, especially if one's pattern does not fit well in the common, textbook cases. When I tried to do some of it with a T, it went in all sorts of wrong, because they T was somehow unable to detach himself from his own pet peeves and fave theories and just kept projecting those onto me, which made me mad because it did not fit at all. I would definitely suggest doing it with a T who is pretty open-minded, creative and can deal with the unknown and evaluate individual patterns in their own context, not just the common literature.

For me personally, this process has been highly beneficial because my transference pattern was not really related to a desire for care and love not received in childhood, but a form of youthful identity search and finding/developing my own values, though associating myself with people who seemed to carry those things - maybe parental in a sense that my parents did not meet some of those quality expectations, not as parents but more as human beings. This is part of my I could do most of the examination on my own and use the findings for self-improvement. I am not sure how it could work with transference that is strongly parental in its nature other than maybe learning to "parent" ourselves and become more self-sufficient and having better self care.

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Old 12-02-2018, 09:07 AM #7
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

No, my t does not understand it or is trained to help me. He does try to understand and helps me know what supports i have in my life. I think in the next year or so i will be seeing another therapist at the clinic my therapist is near to retire
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Old 12-02-2018, 11:35 AM #8
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

In my experience and from the dozens of accounts I have read about it, no it’s not possible to work through something like that.
A lot of these « transference » cases are straight up addictions. The only way to stop an addiction is cutting off supply. Was that way for me. No amount of talking about it with my ex therapist was going to change anything except the state of my bank account.

From what I’ve noticed people who say they have worked through it are always still in therapy.
Not exactly a sign that things have been « worked through » imo.
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Old 12-02-2018, 11:42 AM #9
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie View Post
Well.....has anyone successfully told their T about their type of transference (maternal, paternal, erotic) and the T was able to work with it, understand it and help you get past it? That is if they did not transfer you to another T or terminate you.
I think it's more a case of recognising it.
 
Old 12-02-2018, 12:27 PM #10
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Myrto View Post
In my experience and from the dozens of accounts I have read about it, no it’s not possible to work through something like that.
A lot of these « transference » cases are straight up addictions. The only way to stop an addiction is cutting off supply. Was that way for me. No amount of talking about it with my ex therapist was going to change anything except the state of my bank account.

From what I’ve noticed people who say they have worked through it are always still in therapy.
Not exactly a sign that things have been « worked through » imo.
As someone who has experienced different kinds of addictions, at least one of them very severe, destructive and life-threatening, I tend to agree with the above. But exactly because I was lucky to be able to resolve all of them so far (and therapy did not help in that area), I would confidently say that there are many things one can learn from these experiences that can lead to profound personal growth. Still, if I could go back and choose whether I want this way of learning or not, would definitely choose NO. It comes at way too high cost and often through too much irreversible destruction. I did not get nearly as severely addicted to therapy as to other things, probably in part because the other experiences happened before all of my therapy (and a bit during). I was in a severely addictive personal relationship though before therapy once and there was no other way to resolve that but cut it off completely and even move a few states away from the source. But evaluating the costs and benefits in retrospect, full-blown addictions are never worth it in the grand scheme. And I fully agree that it is only possible to "work through" what drives them once the reinforcer has been stopped for a while. It is just not possible to see truly clearly while still using it and, for most people, moderating it will never be possible again. I am personally very happy that I was able to say 'no' to exploring my obsession with therapy with the therapists themselves. What people most often describe on this forum as "attachment" in therapy (or attachment issues) resemble substance abuse and other behavioral addictions so much to me, I am not sure I would dare to say they do not fit at least a milder form of addiction. And I generally agree with the futile nature of trying to resolve an addiction while still using, trying to think and talk ourselves out of it. What happens more, IMO, is that the reinforcer loses its efficacy over time and then people can move on. But spending decades to achieve that?! Plus, for those that are prone to it, they might just move on to trade it with something else.
 
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