Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

chihirochild · Dec 21, 2018 at 04:56 PM

You done ****ed up, voldy. Again.

And don't you *dare* tell me that this is all my fault, that this is me creating or enacting a cycle of victimization--you're the one who keeps bringing this crap up.

I feel so crappy right now and it's your effing fault. I am so sick of your guts.

WarmFuzzySocks · Dec 21, 2018 at 07:16 PM

This keeps popping into my mind today:
I really didn't like it when you used the word "fragile."

Even though I agree, I know it's true. I was in a fragile space for a long time.
Even though I get that it was in reference to a specific issue we were discussing, and about protecting the strong space I'm in now.
Even though I know you are careful with your words, and you've never used that word before to describe me, and it was contextually accurate.

Those are my thinking reactions.
My emotional reaction was pretty visceral, strong: I am not fragile.

Which is not rational, when I think about it. I didn't have anywhere else to BE fragile. I'd come shatter on the couch in your office, and we'd spend those sessions gluing me back together. Of course I was fragile.

I just don't want to hear about it.

toomanycats · Dec 21, 2018 at 07:21 PM

It is incredibly hard for me to NOT feel replaced/forgotten right now. If you don't respond tonight, that is going to say a lot.

junkDNA · Dec 21, 2018 at 07:49 PM

I'm not showering as frequently as I should it's been 6 days again. I have terrible memories and flashbacks of the bath tub

and being at my mom's makes it worse cuz this is where it all happened

my mom said I smell

LabRat27 · Dec 21, 2018 at 07:57 PM

I feel anxious for our appointment in a way I haven't in a while. My stomach is in knots. Please be good at getting things out of me today. Please tell me it's okay. Please be more open than usually. Please share some emotional intimacy.
Please.
3 minutes
P.S. Also please don't be late again

toomanycats · Dec 21, 2018 at 08:35 PM

I'm not going to lie...
I was hoping for more than a seemingly quick-fire sentence after all this time.

I feel like a d*** saying that, but it's the truth. Maybe I am a d***. Probably I am. You've got a ton of other clients...and family...and a life...and I am demanding and needy and want you to myself all the time. I should be grateful you responded at all. Instead, I'm hurt. And angry.
Mostly, from this I get that I should just leave you alone. Which leaves me alone - the little parts of me - the in-pain parts of me - the parts that only get/got to come out with you...or S. But that's my problem to deal with.

Lemoncake · Dec 21, 2018 at 09:08 PM

I was too busy to miss you today.

nottrustin · Dec 21, 2018 at 10:56 PM

Why??? Why does everybody leave me. Based on you family history it seemed you would live a long happy life. Unfortunately you met me. Everybody around me dies young. I wish I didn't care so much about you. You could still be alive today if it weren't for me.

susannahsays · Dec 21, 2018 at 11:19 PM

I'm not sorry!

RaineD · Dec 21, 2018 at 11:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Why??? Why does everybody leave me. Based on you family history it seemed you would live a long happy life. Unfortunately you met me. Everybody around me dies young. I wish I didn't care so much about you. You could still be alive today if it weren't for me.

It's not your fault. I know you know that rationally. But I'm going to tell you again: it's not your fault.

Anastasia~ · Dec 22, 2018 at 12:14 AM

Apart from having a bad cold, I actually feel okay and grounded. I know I have the week off, so I am able to not stress as much as usual. I remember last session you talking me through and labeling my emotions and then pointing toward the thought I had about the emotion. I remember that it felt confusing to me. But I found it to be really interesting and it makes sense.

Lemoncake · Dec 22, 2018 at 06:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I was too busy to miss you today.

16 days, 23 hours, 9 minutes and 29 seconds.

Dec 22, 2018 at 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

I'm not showering as frequently as I should it's been 6 days again. I have terrible memories and flashbacks of the bath tub

and being at my mom's makes it worse cuz this is where it all happened

my mom said I smell

It's ok to smell. It's better to smell than to put yourself in an unsafe space.

DP_2017 · Dec 22, 2018 at 08:05 AM

Had my first post therapy dream about you. I miss you and wish I could hug you and hear you laugh again

Dec 22, 2018 at 09:49 AM

One of these days I will tell you what I've been holding in. You won't like it one bit. You'll get all defensive like you usually do when someone talks back to you. Hopefully, you'll be behind bars because that is the only way I'll be safe from you.

Lemoncake · Dec 22, 2018 at 10:11 AM

I'm on your website right now because I couldn't find that photo I'd previously saved.

I'm surprised you've raised your hourly fee to £60 for a normal day session and £75 for an evening session.Thanks for keeping me on my old fee.

I'm absolutely drained from yesterday and I've spent all day in bed watching GOT and not studying. I'm leaving tomorrow and have to be ready at 4pm. I actually need to finish packing and clean.

LabRat27 · Dec 22, 2018 at 10:39 AM

Oh.
Thank you for telling me that.
How did you know exactly what I needed without me even getting to that subject and telling you?
I'm really going to try not to let this keep me from telling you things in the future.

winterblues17 · Dec 22, 2018 at 10:51 AM

When does a thought become a plan?!

winterblues17 · Dec 22, 2018 at 11:18 AM

And what's your definition of safe?!

03:02 PM

Hiya L, an image of that endearing little grin of yours just popped into my head for some reason and it made my heart smile.

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Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

My Support Forums

chihirochild Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: North America Posts: 2,360 7 4,865 hugs given	Dec 21, 2018 at 04:56 PM #281 You done ***ed up, voldy. Again. And don't you dare* tell me that this is all my fault, that this is me creating or enacting a cycle of victimization--you're the one who keeps bringing this crap up. I feel so crappy right now and it's your effing fault. I am so sick of your guts.

toomanycats Grand Poohbah Member Since May 2017 Location: USA Posts: 1,734 6 542 hugs given	Dec 21, 2018 at 07:21 PM #283 It is incredibly hard for me to NOT feel replaced/forgotten right now. If you don't respond tonight, that is going to say a lot.

junkDNA Comfy Sedation Member Since Sep 2012 Location: the woods Posts: 19,301 (SuperPoster!) 11 8,149 hugs given	Dec 21, 2018 at 07:49 PM #284 I'm not showering as frequently as I should it's been 6 days again. I have terrible memories and flashbacks of the bath tub and being at my mom's makes it worse cuz this is where it all happened my mom said I smell __________________

LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	Dec 21, 2018 at 07:57 PM #285 I feel anxious for our appointment in a way I haven't in a while. My stomach is in knots. Please be good at getting things out of me today. Please tell me it's okay. Please be more open than usually. Please share some emotional intimacy. Please. 3 minutes P.S. Also please don't be late again

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,695 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Dec 21, 2018 at 09:08 PM #287 I was too busy to miss you today. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Dec 21, 2018 at 10:56 PM #288 Why??? Why does everybody leave me. Based on you family history it seemed you would live a long happy life. Unfortunately you met me. Everybody around me dies young. I wish I didn't care so much about you. You could still be alive today if it weren't for me. __________________

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Dec 21, 2018 at 11:19 PM #289 I'm not sorry!

DP_2017 Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2017 Location: A house Posts: 4,412 6 665 hugs given	Dec 22, 2018 at 08:05 AM #294 Had my first post therapy dream about you. I miss you and wish I could hug you and hear you laugh again __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love.

Anonymous59275 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 22, 2018 at 09:49 AM #295 One of these days I will tell you what I've been holding in. You won't like it one bit. You'll get all defensive like you usually do when someone talks back to you. Hopefully, you'll be behind bars because that is the only way I'll be safe from you.

LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	Dec 22, 2018 at 10:39 AM #297 Oh. Thank you for telling me that. How did you know exactly what I needed without me even getting to that subject and telling you? I'm really going to try not to let this keep me from telling you things in the future.

winterblues17 Member Member Since Nov 2017 Location: UK Posts: 379 6 62 hugs given	Dec 22, 2018 at 10:51 AM #298 When does a thought become a plan?!

winterblues17 Member Member Since Nov 2017 Location: UK Posts: 379 6 62 hugs given	Dec 22, 2018 at 11:18 AM #299 And what's your definition of safe?!

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 22, 2018 at 02:36 PM #300 Hiya L, an image of that endearing little grin of yours just popped into my head for some reason and it made my heart smile. Last edited by Anonymous43207; Dec 22, 2018 at 03:02 PM..