Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

Amyjay · Dec 10, 2018 at 03:43 AM

T, you want adults, not children. It all feels too broken. The adults want nothing, they don't want life. The child one... she is the only one who can be right now.
It just feels too broken. We feel too broken. We have no fight in this.
I know, I know, you didn't sign up for this.
Sometimes it feels like you are too much like the mother. Sometimes you seem too fragile. We won't inflict this on you.
I don't yet know if we will come back. It feels like more pain than we can bear.
These pieces won't go back together.
| just don't want anymore. I've had enough.

LostOnTheTrail · Dec 10, 2018 at 05:11 AM

Saturation point. Still on the fence as to whether I'm going to be brave enough to touch the stuff that really screws me up in this last session before the festive break.

Echos Myron redux · Dec 10, 2018 at 06:58 AM

I wish you could take all my shittiness away.

LonesomeTonight · Dec 10, 2018 at 09:42 AM

Dear T,
Miss you. Want to talk about the ex-MC stuff. And more about the stuff from Thursday/Friday, too. But will wait till Wednesday.

LT

Lemoncake · Dec 10, 2018 at 11:30 AM

Hey T,

I'm happy but just tired more than anything.

GeekyOne · Dec 10, 2018 at 01:14 PM

Today was the second time in the last 4 weeks that you cancelled on me the day of our session. Today you said you’re sick, but I’ve got to wonder... are you just sick of me? Sure, you were able to fit me in later this week, but not until Friday afternoon. May as well just wait til Monday at that point.

I’m sitting at the office trying not to cry because I won’t get to see you until Friday and I feel so stupid and needy for it. I don’t even have much/anything to talk about.

Echos Myron redux · Dec 10, 2018 at 01:18 PM

I made you a Christmas gift. Do I give it to you this week or next?

Echos Myron redux · Dec 10, 2018 at 04:25 PM

I miss you lots now.

Anastasia~ · Dec 10, 2018 at 05:42 PM

I am so stuck in this depression and I can't get out of it. I usually love the cold weather, but today I hated it. I feel like I'm not me. I am trying to be mindful during the day, but I just can't stand how long a minute lasts. It is quite painful. Something is not right with me.

RaineD · Dec 10, 2018 at 06:22 PM

Hi T,

You're going to help me with this interview, right? Please?

Love you! <3

LabRat27 · Dec 10, 2018 at 06:47 PM

Are you relieved/grateful that I don't look at you?

I feel dirty and guilty and bad for wanting to look at you
Like it's invasive and dirty to want that emotional intimacy. I'm bad and you shouldn't have to look at me or have me look at you.
That you shouldn't have to see me
That I'm taking something I shouldn't have
You shouldn't have to be part of something so shameful
You should be disgusted by the idea

chihirochild · Dec 10, 2018 at 07:19 PM

Possible trigger:

I hate myself so much I want to die

nottrustin · Dec 10, 2018 at 09:43 PM

Not sure what possessed me to do it but I was in the general area of your office at our appointment time. So I went out of my way to drive over. I dont know what I was expecting but it it was so sad. There building was completely dark and no cars to be found. That never happened when we were meeting there. It was so sad. I wanted to park in my typical spot but I couldn't. It felt so creepy and painful. I wanted to cry but I just couldn't allow it. I know that use to drive you crazy. But I have cries so much since losing you. I will allow the feelings but not the tears. The emotions are a huge step for me, right.

piggy momma · Dec 10, 2018 at 09:51 PM

I survived your exams. They weren’t as bad as I thought and I can’t wait to see you on Thursday.

Anastasia~ · Dec 10, 2018 at 10:31 PM

I keep losing things at work, my meds., etc. My mind is next, I think. This is really stressful and I hate being me. I am so tired, I just want to sleep until summer. I don't know if you are going to make it through this with me, because I don't know if I am going to make it. I feel like I need to hibernate.

Coraline23 · Dec 11, 2018 at 12:01 AM

I think this is what I need to say to you next Thursday:

I think you overreacted last session, and I think you seriously overstepped. I don't think we can continue to work together if we can't agree on that. This is really hard for me because I grew up with people who never admitted their mistakes and doubled down when confronted with them. I didn't come here today to walk back into the same conversation I walked out of last session. I came to see if we could move forward, and I have suggestions for things I'd like to work on that I think will help me.

LabRat27 · Dec 11, 2018 at 03:42 AM

I should have told you that you didn't need to apologize
That was the most helpful thing you said today
I really believed you when you said it because you didn't mean to react that strongly
It didn't feel like you were just saying what you're supposed to say
Do you know how much of a relief it was to know that you really do believe it was bull***?
You believe me.

Dec 11, 2018 at 04:15 AM

**** you bringing up shame on my last session for the year and i wont see you for 6 weeks. **** **** ****

Echos Myron redux · Dec 11, 2018 at 11:38 AM

Miss you. I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.

daisydid · Dec 11, 2018 at 11:40 AM

I hope that I like your recommendation. I'm ready to move on, even though I wish that I didn't have to.

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Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

My Support Forums

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,157 6 1,833 hugs given	Dec 10, 2018 at 06:58 AM #23 I wish you could take all my shittiness away.

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,727 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	Dec 10, 2018 at 09:42 AM #24 Dear T, Miss you. Want to talk about the ex-MC stuff. And more about the stuff from Thursday/Friday, too. But will wait till Wednesday. LT

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,685 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Dec 10, 2018 at 11:30 AM #25 Hey T, I'm happy but just tired more than anything. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,157 6 1,833 hugs given	Dec 10, 2018 at 01:18 PM #27 I made you a Christmas gift. Do I give it to you this week or next?

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,157 6 1,833 hugs given	Dec 10, 2018 at 04:25 PM #28 I miss you lots now.

Anastasia~ Poohbah Member Since Jul 2017 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,019 6 5,296 hugs given	Dec 10, 2018 at 05:42 PM #29 I am so stuck in this depression and I can't get out of it. I usually love the cold weather, but today I hated it. I feel like I'm not me. I am trying to be mindful during the day, but I just can't stand how long a minute lasts. It is quite painful. Something is not right with me. __________________

RaineD Grand Member Member Since Aug 2017 Location: United States Posts: 950 6 962 hugs given	Dec 10, 2018 at 06:22 PM #30 Hi T, You're going to help me with this interview, right? Please? Love you! <3

chihirochild Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: North America Posts: 2,360 7 4,865 hugs given	Dec 10, 2018 at 07:19 PM #32 Possible trigger: I hate myself so much I want to die

piggy momma Poohbah Member Since Oct 2018 Location: Canada Posts: 1,073 5 70 hugs given	Dec 10, 2018 at 09:51 PM #34 I survived your exams. They weren’t as bad as I thought and I can’t wait to see you on Thursday.

Anastasia~ Poohbah Member Since Jul 2017 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,019 6 5,296 hugs given	Dec 10, 2018 at 10:31 PM #35 I keep losing things at work, my meds., etc. My mind is next, I think. This is really stressful and I hate being me. I am so tired, I just want to sleep until summer. I don't know if you are going to make it through this with me, because I don't know if I am going to make it. I feel like I need to hibernate. __________________

LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	Dec 11, 2018 at 03:42 AM #37 I should have told you that you didn't need to apologize That was the most helpful thing you said today I really believed you when you said it because you didn't mean to react that strongly It didn't feel like you were just saying what you're supposed to say Do you know how much of a relief it was to know that you really do believe it was bull***? You believe me.

Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 11, 2018 at 04:15 AM #38 ** you bringing up shame on my last session for the year and i wont see you for 6 weeks. **

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,157 6 1,833 hugs given	Dec 11, 2018 at 11:38 AM #39 Miss you. I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.

daisydid Member Member Since Oct 2018 Location: the astral plane Posts: 493 5 375 hugs given	Dec 11, 2018 at 11:40 AM #40 I hope that I like your recommendation. I'm ready to move on, even though I wish that I didn't have to.