Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

DP_2017 · Dec 12, 2018 at 04:49 AM

After that massive blow out with mom last night, and knowing you are out of my life in 2 days, I am insanely depressed. You have been such a source of laughs and happiness when I felt so terrible in my family, now I got nothing again. I know my family still hates me and now It feels like you do too. What is the point of my life? I seriously have no idea.

junkDNA · Dec 12, 2018 at 05:39 AM

I hope u read that excerpt

junkDNA · Dec 12, 2018 at 05:40 AM

cuz I be attacking u with my beta elements ALL DAY

88Butterfly88 · Dec 12, 2018 at 08:12 AM

Dear T,

Some random person online called me a terrible name last week and I haven't been functioning the same since. I know I should just blow it off but that's easier said than done. Help!

-Butterfly
(The person wasn't from Psych Central)

Lemoncake · Dec 12, 2018 at 09:55 AM

I'm happy but stupidly tired.

6 days till my exam, and I have to be at the hospital at 6.30am tomorrow.

p.s

Quote:

I'm gonna end all my emails with love your biggest headache,

S

LostOnTheTrail · Dec 12, 2018 at 10:34 AM

Thank you for that little spike of anxiety, and the prompt resolution. Glad that we will meet tomorrow after all.

Echos Myron redux · Dec 12, 2018 at 10:43 AM

I don't know what to do with the fallout from that session when it inevitably hits, since I am no longer allowing myself to manage my emotions with alcohol.

LabRat27 · Dec 12, 2018 at 11:11 AM

That trigger that we've talked about came up again. Maybe I watched this video because I wanted to trigger myself. I already know full well that he's a trigger, especially if he's angry or arguing. It worked.
I felt shaken up, angry, and unsafe. I wanted to cry tears of frustration.
Everyone else is turning it into memes.
Do you know what a meme is?

I feel stupid every time I bring this trigger up. On some level it's validating though. He's been a trigger since long before I started seeing you, and I know I'm not making my reaction up.

Do you think it's a stupid trigger? Do you believe me that it's a trigger and I'm not just making it up or exaggerating?

Echos Myron redux · Dec 12, 2018 at 12:40 PM

I need you.

nottrustin · Dec 12, 2018 at 01:16 PM

T why does it seem so difficult this time around? I know I use to question what you said but never said anything. Eventually it would make sense and I would realize you never meant what I initially thought. Except our last email exchange, where we never had the chance to clear it up. I realized I was doing this before your accident but it was to late and I was unable to see that week.... then your accident happened to days later. I am sorry for not trusting you.

Lemoncake · 02:10 PM

I will not email.
I will not email.
I will not email.

Of course you know the books are from me, even if they don't have a note attached to them and I don't need to email to tell you so....

SlumberKitty · Dec 12, 2018 at 02:33 PM

Dear T. I'm having a harder time not SH-ing. Not sure I'm gonna make it to the end of the year after all. Wish I had former T. I would have been able to get some support from her in between sessions. Kit

winterblues17 · Dec 12, 2018 at 02:39 PM

I can only depend on myself so it seems!!! What a load of BS, I was right all along

LonesomeTonight · Dec 12, 2018 at 03:44 PM

Dear T,
I'd intended to avoid a second session this week, but when I'm crying in public because a particular song comes on that I associate with ex-MC, I'm clearly not OK. So hope you have something available. Especially as my plans with my dad tomorrow fell through (which is part of why I switched around the schedule to begin with...). And I think I've gotten really good at scheduling emails that don't include any extraneous info.
Love,
LT

Lemoncake · Dec 12, 2018 at 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I will not email.
I will not email.
I will not email.

Of course you know the books are from me, even if they don't have a note attached to them and I don't need to email to tell you so....

I still haven't emailed but I feel like you're going to feel disappointed with my gift this year. Last year I spent what I would have for my own father, this year I don't feel like I have to try so hard to be the best version of myself.

Echos Myron redux · Dec 12, 2018 at 04:47 PM

You are the most intuitive person I have ever met. Moments like those don't do much to counteract the old idealising transference you know!

MRT6211 · Dec 12, 2018 at 05:02 PM

T,

You may think that ignoring me/my pleas for help, because I’m self-destructing, is good for me in some weird way. I know you don’t want to encourage the behavior, but I still NEED you right now, and you have failed me again. We had a crap session yesterday, you acknowledged that via email, and you told me to let you know how the week goes. Then I freaking send you 4 emails pleading for help in a 24 hour period. I told you I needed you to call me. You ALWAYS call me, or at least email back. You did nothing for me. You left me on my own and I’m in crisis and I don’t think I can ever trust you again. I don’t want to trust you again. You’ve confirmed for me that people are unreliable and that I should never depend on anyone, because all they will do is hurt me. Congratulations. I’m so angry at you that I’m shaking. I never even want to see you again.

LonesomeTonight · Dec 12, 2018 at 05:32 PM

Dear T,
Thanks--I really appreciate that you don't have a fully packed schedule. Your flexibility and openness for extra sessions means a lot. Even though this is really more of a normal second session, where last Friday was the extra one. I'm just trying to get myself in at least a kind of OK place before the holidays, and we have limited time to do that. (I mean, I know you're available some of the time that week, but I seriously doubt you'll be in on Christmas Eve, even if maybe you are Jewish--not sure if your wife also is, as ex-MC's wasn't).

Love,
LT

LonesomeTonight · Dec 12, 2018 at 06:07 PM

Dear T,
Also I wish you were more into music. Because at times, it's hard for me to put into words what I'm feeling. And I wish I could play a song for you and be like, "This, this is how I feel!" But would you get it? Or would you just be totally puzzled? I suppose I could ask you...I mean, it's not like I haven't puzzled you with my words before, why not music?
Love,
LT

lucozader · Dec 12, 2018 at 06:10 PM

You don't know what to do with me.

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Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

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junkDNA Comfy Sedation Member Since Sep 2012 Location: the woods Posts: 19,301 (SuperPoster!) 11 8,149 hugs given	Dec 12, 2018 at 05:39 AM #62 I hope u read that excerpt __________________

junkDNA Comfy Sedation Member Since Sep 2012 Location: the woods Posts: 19,301 (SuperPoster!) 11 8,149 hugs given	Dec 12, 2018 at 05:40 AM #63 cuz I be attacking u with my beta elements ALL DAY __________________

88Butterfly88 Moderator Community Support Team Member Since Dec 2015 Location: New Jersey Posts: 54,190 (SuperPoster!) 8 10.5k hugs given	Dec 12, 2018 at 08:12 AM #64 Dear T, Some random person online called me a terrible name last week and I haven't been functioning the same since. I know I should just blow it off but that's easier said than done. Help! -Butterfly (The person wasn't from Psych Central)

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,157 6 1,833 hugs given	Dec 12, 2018 at 10:43 AM #67 I don't know what to do with the fallout from that session when it inevitably hits, since I am no longer allowing myself to manage my emotions with alcohol.

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,157 6 1,833 hugs given	Dec 12, 2018 at 12:40 PM #69 I need you.

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,691 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Dec 12, 2018 at 01:36 PM #71 I will not email. I will not email. I will not email. Of course you know the books are from me, even if they don't have a note attached to them and I don't need to email to tell you so.... __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." Last edited by Lemoncake; Dec 12, 2018 at 02:10 PM..

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Dec 12, 2018 at 02:33 PM #72 Dear T. I'm having a harder time not SH-ing. Not sure I'm gonna make it to the end of the year after all. Wish I had former T. I would have been able to get some support from her in between sessions. Kit

winterblues17 Member Member Since Nov 2017 Location: UK Posts: 379 6 62 hugs given	Dec 12, 2018 at 02:39 PM #73 I can only depend on myself so it seems!!! What a load of BS, I was right all along

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,157 6 1,833 hugs given	Dec 12, 2018 at 04:47 PM #76 You are the most intuitive person I have ever met. Moments like those don't do much to counteract the old idealising transference you know!

lucozader Most Dangerous Member Since Feb 2017 Location: UK Posts: 2,920 7 7,642 hugs given	Dec 12, 2018 at 06:10 PM #80 You don't know what to do with me.