Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII - Page 52 - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 12-28-2018, 09:39 PM #511
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

It has been nice to be off for this week and some of next week. Work has been getting better. I feel somewhat normal. I appreciate that you helped me through all of this.
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Old 12-28-2018, 10:50 PM #512
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

I'm angry about the abandonment thing. Again.
Rationally I understand that you taking a few weeks off isn't abandonment. But I'm alone with my feelings and it hurts and I need you and you're not here.

And the last session was a lot of emotional intensity and I'm feeling and processing so many things. And I'm having to do it alone. What were you thinking??

And I can't accept the compassion and emotional intimacy, so now I'm going to be angry at you instead of vulnerable. I need to push you away. But instead of being able to talk it over before I can completely convince myself of these awful things, I'm stuck with these awful thoughts that feel more and more believable every day.
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Old 12-29-2018, 12:44 AM #513
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

I am so angry. I don't even know why or who I'm mad at.

Well, actually, right now I'm mad at C because I want to go to the session on Monday. I feel like confronting you. About what? I don't know; I haven't come up with a pretense yet.
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Old 12-29-2018, 01:30 AM #514
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

Today, while driving to lunch, I suddenly had a mental image of myself wrapping my arms around you and kissing you on the cheek. I was thinking how I wished you had accepted the Christmas present I gave you last year. I just wanted you to take your husband to that restaurant. I thought it'd be fun.

Anyway, I started crying. When I got to the place where I was meeting my co-workers for lunch, one of them was standing outside as I pulled into the parking lot. I don't know if he saw the tears on my face.

But I liked those tears. The pain, the longing, they make me feel closer to you.

I still miss you.
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Old 12-29-2018, 04:14 AM #515
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

I'm feeling better today. You come back in only 10 days!

I leave the day after tomorrow. Then it's back to studying.
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Old 12-29-2018, 05:43 AM #516
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

You undercharge. Like, a lot.
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Old 12-29-2018, 06:35 AM #517
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

I can't stand anything anymore. I hate this period.
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Old 12-29-2018, 06:51 AM #518
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

I miss you, R, and I miss how much I missed you this time last year. I don't miss M very much at all.

This sucks.

I wonder if you're going off somewhere to take pictures of lizards.
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Old 12-29-2018, 07:32 AM #519
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

I'm ill so this might be feverish, medicated nonsense, but I'm so sad, I feel so alone. So much seems to be happening and half of it I haven't even been able to tell u.
So I'm laying here cos I can't do much else, and I'm thinking about how different it was this time last year. We were on a break then aswell, but I felt secure with u and happy with how this was going, I felt close and that I had u on my side and with u there I could accomplish life, roll on a year, u leaving me, alone, no contact, nothing! Telling me to reach to another T for support, how do I even do that. Firstly the relationship with u took many months to form, and secondly I don't trust in therapy or therapists anymore cos look where that's got me.
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Old 12-29-2018, 08:03 AM #520
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

I miss you so much. Do you miss me like you said you would? I'm gonna go with no.
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