Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII - Page 95 - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 01-11-2019, 10:58 PM #941
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

Labrat, I'm sorry if this hurts or isn't helpful, but I feel like someone has to say it. The fact that your therapist was so resistant to identifying that your childhood was worse than average, which we all know (even you, if only on a rational level) is really concerning. I try not to throw around the transference/countertransference labels a lot, as they are often used to distract, avoid taking responsibility, and invalidate. However, it really seems to me, judging by what you've said, that your therapist is having some sort of abreaction. There is really no reason that he should have avoided validating your childhood as worse than average.

Edit: Unless you specifically asked for his feedback on your childhood in comparison to his other clients.
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Old 01-11-2019, 10:59 PM #942
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

you said you appreciated my honesty... but did you really?
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Old 01-11-2019, 11:31 PM #943
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
Labrat, I'm sorry if this hurts or isn't helpful, but I feel like someone has to say it. The fact that your therapist was so resistant to identifying that your childhood was worse than average, which we all know (even you, if only on a rational level) is really concerning. I try not to throw around the transference/countertransference labels a lot, as they are often used to distract, avoid taking responsibility, and invalidate. However, it really seems to me, judging by what you've said, that your therapist is having some sort of abreaction. There is really no reason that he should have avoided validating your childhood as worse than average.

Edit: Unless you specifically asked for his feedback on your childhood in comparison to his other clients.
I didn't ask about in comparison to other clients. I just asked "do you think my childhood was worse than average" and he said he couldn't really say.
He's described parts of it as horrible and awful and did validate that there was abusive behavior... But he said like when he started practicing he was shocked at the number of women who disclosed sexual abuse by a family member (which I'm a bit upset about because I was not physically or sexually abused and I've told him before that anecdotes about other clients with "worse" situations make me feel worse and feel invalidating, even when I can understand the point he's trying to make...)
Then he told me that that's not what matters though, my feelings matter, and all that other ****.
I appreciate that he didn't just lie to me and tell me what I wanted to hear I guess.
I just don't know what to believe. I thought I was kind of understanding what might be true at least on some rational level but I guess not. Maybe I was wrong. Just because I want it to be true doesn't mean that it's true. Maybe it really wasn't that bad. No one else at the time really believed my father was being abusive. At least my T believes that...
I don't know what kind of countertransference would make him reluctant to validate it, it's not like he wants to hurt my feelings... This is just why I should know better than to ask questions if I can't handle the answer. I kinda brought it on myself by asking.

(on some level it's validating that at least two people have said they disagree/think it was worse than average... it's what I want to believe, but I don't know if I'm allowed to believe it. So thank you, and I appreciate disagreement with my T/validation on this one)
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Old 01-11-2019, 11:56 PM #944
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

I'm not sure that it would be helpful for me to elaborate on the countertransference angle. I don't think he consciously means to hurt you.

In any case, I hope you reflect on whether doubting how damaging your childhood has been to you has ever done you any good. I know you have a habit of telling yourself things affect you because you are weak in some way, but what if it's not that? What if you're the only one who can know the "truth?" I understand why you want your therapist's validation, I do. But please consider the fact that he doesn't know any better than you do in this matter. So don't let him mess with your mind.
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Old 01-12-2019, 12:24 AM #945
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

He would have been 24 today. I miss him everyday. It hurts to look at his picture, but itís comforting at the same time. I donít know if Iíll ever understand why it had to happen.
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Old 01-12-2019, 12:43 AM #946
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

I feel cranky af.

I haven't angry texted you since 10/29.
I said: I don't like when you and C talk about me!
Then: I'm not a problem! C is stupid! I hate her!
Finally: I'm in charge!

You never replied. I hate that. You always reply to C.

Then you asked C on Thursday if you should stop talking to me. You guys must have lost your ****ing minds. I do pretty much everything you ask me to do, and apparently, I'm still not seen as a person with her own personal agency. What the **** is up with that? And why the **** should I keep to this new Susannah routine when it gets me exactly nothing, not even respect? And I've certainly lost a lot of SELF respect in making so many compromises only to be no better off.

I'm ****ing angry. And somebody is going to ****ing pay. I'm done with this ****.
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Old 01-12-2019, 02:42 AM #947
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

You probably thought I'd be ok after a few days, like she's strong, she's dealt with loss and being left before. Yeah she's sad but she be ok. In fact so much so you probably forgot already and enjoying your first weekend without this 'nightmare' client!
Well no I'm not ok, I'm lost, hurt and in complete grief over this. I think perhaps you don't realise just how much a part of my life u become over time, and how much I needed you to be there the next few weeks!
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Old 01-12-2019, 03:11 AM #948
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

I thought about sending you a nice angry text to start the weekend right, but C was listening when you told Christine your weekend plans. Seems like you will have enough to deal with seeing your friend with ALS without me causing drama.

But I'm still angry. And I reserve the right to change my mind about abstaining from angry texts. I like to leave the option open.
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Old 01-12-2019, 03:17 AM #949
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
I feel cranky af.

I haven't angry texted you since 10/29.
I said: I don't like when you and C talk about me!
Then: I'm not a problem! C is stupid! I hate her!
Finally: I'm in charge!

You never replied. I hate that. You always reply to C.

Then you asked C on Thursday if you should stop talking to me. You guys must have lost your ****ing minds. I do pretty much everything you ask me to do, and apparently, I'm still not seen as a person with her own personal agency. What the **** is up with that? And why the **** should I keep to this new Susannah routine when it gets me exactly nothing, not even respect? And I've certainly lost a lot of SELF respect in making so many compromises only to be no better off.

I'm ****ing angry. And somebody is going to ****ing pay. I'm done with this ****.
That's super annoying. I can see why you're pissed. I'm sorry.

How does the therapist decide who is a real person and who isn't?
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Old 01-12-2019, 03:23 AM #950
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVII

8 days to go. This is the longest Christmas break you have had. I am nervous, have you cut your hair? Have you shaved your beard off? Have you changed in anyway. Be prepared for a full inspection on the 21st. At the beginning of the break I didnít think I would be bothered but halfway through I had all those old feelings back.
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