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susannahsays
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Default Jan 11, 2019 at 11:58 PM
  #941
Labrat, I'm sorry if this hurts or isn't helpful, but I feel like someone has to say it. The fact that your therapist was so resistant to identifying that your childhood was worse than average, which we all know (even you, if only on a rational level) is really concerning. I try not to throw around the transference/countertransference labels a lot, as they are often used to distract, avoid taking responsibility, and invalidate. However, it really seems to me, judging by what you've said, that your therapist is having some sort of abreaction. There is really no reason that he should have avoided validating your childhood as worse than average.

Edit: Unless you specifically asked for his feedback on your childhood in comparison to his other clients.
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Default Jan 11, 2019 at 11:59 PM
  #942
you said you appreciated my honesty... but did you really?

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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 12:31 AM
  #943
Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
Labrat, I'm sorry if this hurts or isn't helpful, but I feel like someone has to say it. The fact that your therapist was so resistant to identifying that your childhood was worse than average, which we all know (even you, if only on a rational level) is really concerning. I try not to throw around the transference/countertransference labels a lot, as they are often used to distract, avoid taking responsibility, and invalidate. However, it really seems to me, judging by what you've said, that your therapist is having some sort of abreaction. There is really no reason that he should have avoided validating your childhood as worse than average.

Edit: Unless you specifically asked for his feedback on your childhood in comparison to his other clients.
I didn't ask about in comparison to other clients. I just asked "do you think my childhood was worse than average" and he said he couldn't really say.
He's described parts of it as horrible and awful and did validate that there was abusive behavior... But he said like when he started practicing he was shocked at the number of women who disclosed sexual abuse by a family member (which I'm a bit upset about because I was not physically or sexually abused and I've told him before that anecdotes about other clients with "worse" situations make me feel worse and feel invalidating, even when I can understand the point he's trying to make...)
Then he told me that that's not what matters though, my feelings matter, and all that other ****.
I appreciate that he didn't just lie to me and tell me what I wanted to hear I guess.
I just don't know what to believe. I thought I was kind of understanding what might be true at least on some rational level but I guess not. Maybe I was wrong. Just because I want it to be true doesn't mean that it's true. Maybe it really wasn't that bad. No one else at the time really believed my father was being abusive. At least my T believes that...
I don't know what kind of countertransference would make him reluctant to validate it, it's not like he wants to hurt my feelings... This is just why I should know better than to ask questions if I can't handle the answer. I kinda brought it on myself by asking.

(on some level it's validating that at least two people have said they disagree/think it was worse than average... it's what I want to believe, but I don't know if I'm allowed to believe it. So thank you, and I appreciate disagreement with my T/validation on this one)
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 12:56 AM
  #944
I'm not sure that it would be helpful for me to elaborate on the countertransference angle. I don't think he consciously means to hurt you.

In any case, I hope you reflect on whether doubting how damaging your childhood has been to you has ever done you any good. I know you have a habit of telling yourself things affect you because you are weak in some way, but what if it's not that? What if you're the only one who can know the "truth?" I understand why you want your therapist's validation, I do. But please consider the fact that he doesn't know any better than you do in this matter. So don't let him mess with your mind.
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 01:24 AM
  #945
He would have been 24 today. I miss him everyday. It hurts to look at his picture, but it’s comforting at the same time. I don’t know if I’ll ever understand why it had to happen.
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 01:43 AM
  #946
I feel cranky af.

I haven't angry texted you since 10/29.
I said: I don't like when you and C talk about me!
Then: I'm not a problem! C is stupid! I hate her!
Finally: I'm in charge!

You never replied. I hate that. You always reply to C.

Then you asked C on Thursday if you should stop talking to me. You guys must have lost your ****ing minds. I do pretty much everything you ask me to do, and apparently, I'm still not seen as a person with her own personal agency. What the **** is up with that? And why the **** should I keep to this new Susannah routine when it gets me exactly nothing, not even respect? And I've certainly lost a lot of SELF respect in making so many compromises only to be no better off.

I'm ****ing angry. And somebody is going to ****ing pay. I'm done with this ****.
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 03:42 AM
  #947
You probably thought I'd be ok after a few days, like she's strong, she's dealt with loss and being left before. Yeah she's sad but she be ok. In fact so much so you probably forgot already and enjoying your first weekend without this 'nightmare' client!
Well no I'm not ok, I'm lost, hurt and in complete grief over this. I think perhaps you don't realise just how much a part of my life u become over time, and how much I needed you to be there the next few weeks!
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 04:11 AM
  #948
I thought about sending you a nice angry text to start the weekend right, but C was listening when you told Christine your weekend plans. Seems like you will have enough to deal with seeing your friend with ALS without me causing drama.

But I'm still angry. And I reserve the right to change my mind about abstaining from angry texts. I like to leave the option open.
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 04:17 AM
  #949
Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
I feel cranky af.

I haven't angry texted you since 10/29.
I said: I don't like when you and C talk about me!
Then: I'm not a problem! C is stupid! I hate her!
Finally: I'm in charge!

You never replied. I hate that. You always reply to C.

Then you asked C on Thursday if you should stop talking to me. You guys must have lost your ****ing minds. I do pretty much everything you ask me to do, and apparently, I'm still not seen as a person with her own personal agency. What the **** is up with that? And why the **** should I keep to this new Susannah routine when it gets me exactly nothing, not even respect? And I've certainly lost a lot of SELF respect in making so many compromises only to be no better off.

I'm ****ing angry. And somebody is going to ****ing pay. I'm done with this ****.
That's super annoying. I can see why you're pissed. I'm sorry.

How does the therapist decide who is a real person and who isn't?
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 04:23 AM
  #950
8 days to go. This is the longest Christmas break you have had. I am nervous, have you cut your hair? Have you shaved your beard off? Have you changed in anyway. Be prepared for a full inspection on the 21st. At the beginning of the break I didn’t think I would be bothered but halfway through I had all those old feelings back.
 
 
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 05:21 AM
  #951
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That's super annoying. I can see why you're pissed. I'm sorry.

How does the therapist decide who is a real person and who isn't?
I'm not quite sure. When I've tried to argue my case, she has been rather evasive. Sometimes she'll say something like C is the one who gets money to pay for housing and tuition. But I feel like that isn't valid. Because if there weren't a C, there would still be a Susannah to receive the money and pay the bills. And the irony is that I do more than half of the labor that pays for therapy. So I feel like I'm an equal stakeholder and my participation in therapy should not be dependent on the whims of C. I guess I could take my one session a week and find another therapist, but that seems like it will overcomplicate things.
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 05:59 AM
  #952
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Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
I feel cranky af.

I haven't angry texted you since 10/29.
I said: I don't like when you and C talk about me!
Then: I'm not a problem! C is stupid! I hate her!
Finally: I'm in charge!

You never replied. I hate that. You always reply to C.

Then you asked C on Thursday if you should stop talking to me. You guys must have lost your ****ing minds. I do pretty much everything you ask me to do, and apparently, I'm still not seen as a person with her own personal agency. What the **** is up with that? And why the **** should I keep to this new Susannah routine when it gets me exactly nothing, not even respect? And I've certainly lost a lot of SELF respect in making so many compromises only to be no better off.

I'm ****ing angry. And somebody is going to ****ing pay. I'm done with this ****.

No. Just, no.
Bad T.
The others in me are highly, highly offended on your behalf.

No wonder you are pissed.
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 10:06 AM
  #953
Whoever listens to you is completely out of their mind. You have crossed so many lines and made others cross with you. I don't know how you bamboozled them but I feel sorry for all of you. Cruel idiots.
 
 
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 10:37 AM
  #954
Something has shifted between us. Normally I’d be feeling unsettled by now. I’m starting to feel unsettled by the fact that I don’t feel more unsettled.
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 10:40 AM
  #955
If you lose your license, you brought on yourself. You are one sick man. Doesn't matter how many people you fool with your charm, you are still a vile sleazeball.

Last edited by Anonymous59275; Jan 12, 2019 at 10:53 AM..
 
 
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 12:01 PM
  #956
Maybe I should just quit therapy.

I'm triggered, spiraling and just stupidly sad.

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Last edited by Lemoncake; Jan 12, 2019 at 12:20 PM..
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 12:39 PM
  #957
Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
I'm not quite sure. When I've tried to argue my case, she has been rather evasive. Sometimes she'll say something like C is the one who gets money to pay for housing and tuition. But I feel like that isn't valid. Because if there weren't a C, there would still be a Susannah to receive the money and pay the bills. And the irony is that I do more than half of the labor that pays for therapy. So I feel like I'm an equal stakeholder and my participation in therapy should not be dependent on the whims of C. I guess I could take my one session a week and find another therapist, but that seems like it will overcomplicate things.
Your therapist's reasoning doesn't make any sense to me. Surely, the money is given to both of you, not just to C.

WTH, I'm also offended on your behalf.
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 12:44 PM
  #958
Dear therapist,

Kindly **** off.
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 01:12 PM
  #959
This week we touched some core issues of mine, quite accidentally. I'm glad I could be perfectly honest with you and you returned it by showing some vulnerability and openness back. It was very helpful and sessions like these give me hope I can get ever further.
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 01:19 PM
  #960
You may think you are the BIG man on campus now, but one of these days, you will wind up in the gutter again. Back where you belong -ooh write that down, maybe you can sell it. Back stabbing miserable %$*&
 
 
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