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Old 12-17-2018, 02:51 PM #41
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Default Re: Decision about holiday gift

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Originally Posted by coolibrarian View Post
I mailed my T her Christmas present. As some of you know, she is out on medical leave. So, anyway, she said *I* could text her as much as I want, but she would not answer every text. That hurt at first, but I understand why she had to do that. But, back to the gift?! I sort of expected her to reach out and say "thank you," but she didn't. Then I thought maybe it got lost in the mail. Either way, I had to know. We had talked about this gift for a few weeks before she went out on medical leave (She had surgery in mid-November.), but I don't know if she thought I would send it to her. So, finally, a little scared, I texted her and asked her if she received a package from me, and she said, "Yes, thank you for the lovely [gift]." I felt relieved, happy, and a little annoyed, all at the same time. I'm glad the package got to her. I'm happy because of the nature of the gift (Don't want to say details here), but I'm annoyed because I had to ask her if she got it. Shouldn't she have just started a text to me, "Cool, thank you for the lovely gift." And maybe some other sentiment? December is an extremely hard month for me, for a variety of reasons, and she knows that, and all she could say was,
"Yes, thank you for the lovely [gift]?" My feelings are a little hurt. Comments?
Hi Cool, I think my feelings would have been a little hurt too if that had been me. I'm glad she got the present and I'm sure she liked it. I'm sorry December is really hard for you. Kit
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Old 12-17-2018, 03:04 PM #42
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Default Re: Decision about holiday gift

Yeah: it's just rude. I don't think it's personal about you, I think it just reflects poorly on your T.



But there does seem to be a generational shift, at least in US culture. I've always received a hand written card/thank you note from my Ts when I'v given a gift. But my Ts were always older than me, of generations that were brought up to do so. I was brought up the same way: from childhood, thank-you notes were written a couple of days after Christmas to demonstrate appreciation to those who cared to send a gift. It was part of the rhythm of the holidays. Judging from what I hear from a lot of people, it's much less common now. I think it's sad, and it would bother me.
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Old 12-17-2018, 10:26 PM #43
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Default Re: Decision about holiday gift

This is my 3rd Christmas with my T. The first year I got her a card game that I thought she'd really enjoy based on a comic set I had shared with her and she liked. I was really nervous as it was the first gift I gave her. She was working at a clinic with a large health center. I was not sure if she was even allowed to get it. It was a kick starter. I ordered it really early and it was supposed to arrive by Dec 1. It was late and didn't arrive until the middle of Jan. That year, every time I turned I found something I wanted to give her.

Last year, I didn't even think about it until Dec. At first, I wasn't sure if I would get her anything, then the younger parts started pointing things out. I ended up getting her 3 separate gifts, one from each of my younger parts - a remote control car for age group 4-6, magnetic thinking putty, and a jigsaw puzzle.

This year, again I wasn't sure I would get her anything. I did settle on a book about micro terrariums and a Groupon for a class at a terrarium shop. I'm not sure if I should have got it or not. I'm also now in a weird place where I'm not sure if I got her something because not getting her something would be just as weird as getting her something.
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Old 12-18-2018, 01:14 PM #44
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Default Re: Decision about holiday gift

Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom View Post
Yeah: it's just rude. I don't think it's personal about you, I think it just reflects poorly on your T.



But there does seem to be a generational shift, at least in US culture. I've always received a hand written card/thank you note from my Ts when I'v given a gift. But my Ts were always older than me, of generations that were brought up to do so. I was brought up the same way: from childhood, thank-you notes were written a couple of days after Christmas to demonstrate appreciation to those who cared to send a gift. It was part of the rhythm of the holidays. Judging from what I hear from a lot of people, it's much less common now. I think it's sad, and it would bother me.

My T is 8 years older than I am. Big Cool is chalking it up to T just not feeling well in her recovery from cancer surgery. But you can bet it will be on the list of things I will talk to her about, the next time I see her.
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