Terrible Session

MRT6211 · Dec 11, 2018 at 05:11 PM

Today’s session with T went about as bad as it could’ve gone. She pushed me way too hard and in the wrong way. I am so down right now. I just want to disappear.

SlumberKitty · Dec 11, 2018 at 05:28 PM

I'm sorry today's session went so poorly. HUGS

weaverbeaver · Dec 11, 2018 at 05:29 PM

So sorry your session was so bad. Please don’t disappear, stay and talk .

MRT6211 · Dec 11, 2018 at 06:33 PM

She emailed me after session because I left some stuff in her office by accident. She also said this in the email:
“Please know my intention was not to upset you. Although it is extremely uncomfortable, I do think it is important to have these conversations and challenge your thinking. I do not like ending on such notes and I wish we had more time today. For that I do apologize. Please let me know how the week goes for you.”
I emailed her twice after that, though, trying to talk about what I was feeling. She never responded, and she always responds. Kinda just hurt me more there. I wish I hadn’t sent those emails now, I feel dumb.

Dec 11, 2018 at 08:06 PM

Maybe she went home.
Maybe she had to go to the market and cook dinner.
Maybe she has a family thing that needs her attention.
Maybe she is trying to get ready for the holidays.
Dont take her lack of response so personally. It was extremely kind of her to write you the first time and she clearly cares.

MRT6211 · Dec 11, 2018 at 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

Maybe she went home.
Maybe she had to go to the market and cook dinner.
Maybe she has a family thing that needs her attention.
Maybe she is trying to get ready for the holidays.
Dont take her lack of response so personally. It was extremely kind of her to write you the first time and she clearly cares.

That is all possible, and it’s otibably something like that. I’m just in a bad mood right now and a little mad at her for pushing me in the way she did, so I think that might be why I’m taking it so personally.

Pennster · Dec 11, 2018 at 11:19 PM

I’m sorry, MRT. Does she often push you? I’m someone who wouldn’t be up for being pushed at all. I would be upset, too. I think it’s ok to be mad- I would feel free to let her know how her pushing you affected you.

MRT6211 · Dec 12, 2018 at 12:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pennster

I’m sorry, MRT. Does she often push you? I’m someone who wouldn’t be up for being pushed at all. I would be upset, too. I think it’s ok to be mad- I would feel free to let her know how her pushing you affected you.

Sometimes she pushes me, and I don’t mind it, actually, usually I want her to. Right from the beginning, she made it clear to me that she has very high expectations for me (I’m a medical student, that’s a large part of why, she also knew me from groups before I saw her/was on the treatment team with exT), and I don’t mind that. But usually she wouldn’t keep going when she knew I was that uncomfortable. Perhaps she didn’t realize the extent of my discomfort. Perhaps she thought that I needed to be pushed anyway. I don’t know, but I know that I had an awful day today because of it. I’m a little drunk, now, because I couldn’t decide between studying and drinking, so I decided to do both at once because if I’m self-destructing, why not go all the way, right...? I’m gonna email her again soon, even though I probably shouldn’t. She definitely is not going to be happy with this behavior, but I don’t even freaking care at this point.

Dec 12, 2018 at 01:06 AM

What you are studying shouldn't affect how she practices or any expectations she might (mistakenly) hold about you. This attitude would piss me off big time.

seeker33 · Dec 12, 2018 at 01:14 AM

I'm so sorry about this situation! I would be so mad, too! And about her lack of response, too! Why would she mail you with the questions and then not reply? Rationally I do understand she had other responsibilities but I'd be so mad, anyway. I feel for you. This kind of thing always sucks.
I hope you two resolve this situation soon.

piggy momma · Dec 12, 2018 at 01:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SorryOozit

What you are studying shouldn't affect how she practices or any expectations she might (mistakenly) hold about you. This attitude would piss me off big time.

I think I get what he's saying though. I'm a psych major, and my therapist is also my prof. I know he has HUGE lofty expectations of me, because he's told me so. I think he also marks me harder because he's trying to push me more. I don't mind it, I actually appreciate it, but I can see the flip side where it could become distressful (and I did have a meltdown over it a few weeks ago when I told him that he needs to understand that I'm not nearly as smart as he thinks I am). That got me booked for an intelligence test in two weeks

.

Hopefully the T will reply to his messages before next session. There's nothing worse than feeling left in limbo. At least you'll have lots to talk about.

Amyjay · Dec 12, 2018 at 01:50 AM

Ugh, terrible sessions are so hard to deal with. I had a doozy of one a couple weeks ago.

These feelings are going to pass. It helps me if I let the feelings be what they need to be, without getting caught up in wanting to rage quit, feeling like its going to be like this forever and I might as well give up on everything now etc. When I am able to let myself ride them out they have usually eased way back by the time my next session rolls around and I can address the things more calmly.

She will answer your emails. I know its an anxious wait. She will get there. These feelings are hard but they will pass... all feelings do.

Dec 12, 2018 at 01:51 AM

How high should a therapist's expectations be when they are working with an electrician or a roadworker? Someone's job, or potential job in the case of study, should be irrelevant.

MRT6211 · Dec 12, 2018 at 03:09 AM

I may have sent drunken emails to both T and exT....probably going to get reprimanded for that at some point, but I don’t care. Good. I deserve whatever lectures I get about this.

SalingerEsme · Dec 12, 2018 at 03:43 AM

MRT, Did she write back? That feeling of a bad session, for me evokes what Bion called "Nameless Dread". I feel like the world is ending, but I also know the feeling is out of proportion to the situation. I hope she wrote back to you, and put some quietude int the rest of your night and the wait between sessions.

Dec 12, 2018 at 04:24 AM

Therapy is full of these moments.

MRT6211 · Dec 12, 2018 at 03:59 PM

She hasn’t written back or called all day. I guess I was successful in pushing her away finally. I sent an email at 1 to both T and exT apologizing for last night’s drunken rambles. I hate myself. Why would she tell me to let her know how the week goes if she’s just going to ghost me? Doesn’t she realize this is making everything worse?

Anne2.0 · Dec 12, 2018 at 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MRT6211

She hasn’t written back or called all day. I guess I was successful in pushing her away finally. I sent an email at 1 to both T and exT apologizing for last night’s drunken rambles. I hate myself. Why would she tell me to let her know how the week goes if she’s just going to ghost me? Doesn’t she realize this is making everything worse?

If I understand correctly, it hasn't even been 24 hours since your email. In my world, that's not "ghosting." That's I have a lot on my plate and maybe the multiple emails make it difficult to know how to respond, so I'm waiting until I have a few minutes free to call or write a thoughtful response.

I doubt your over interpretation "pushing her away" is accurate and your expectation that she will drop everything to respond to you immediately and that she should "know" anything, are pretty good distortions of what I'd consider normal email response times. I respond to very few people within 24 hours and very few people respond to me within 24 hours and yes, I'm a busy professional as are most of the people I communicate with.

MRT6211 · Dec 12, 2018 at 04:50 PM

Seriously, ***** her, this is why I push people away, because when I depend on them, all they do is abandon and/or hurt me.

guilloche · Dec 12, 2018 at 10:36 PM

I'm so sorry that you're going through this MRT. I had a bad session this week too. It's a special kind of awful, isn't it?

I hope you hear back from your T soon, and get some resolution.

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MRT6211 Member Member Since Dec 2016 Location: New York Posts: 357 7 208 hugs given	Dec 11, 2018 at 05:11 PM #1 Today’s session with T went about as bad as it could’ve gone. She pushed me way too hard and in the wrong way. I am so down right now. I just want to disappear.
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Dec 11, 2018 at 05:28 PM #2 I'm sorry today's session went so poorly. HUGS
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weaverbeaver Veteran Member Member Since May 2018 Location: Another planet Posts: 514 5 2 hugs given	Dec 11, 2018 at 05:29 PM #3 So sorry your session was so bad. Please don’t disappear, stay and talk .
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Anonymous47147 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 11, 2018 at 08:06 PM #5 Maybe she went home. Maybe she had to go to the market and cook dinner. Maybe she has a family thing that needs her attention. Maybe she is trying to get ready for the holidays. Dont take her lack of response so personally. It was extremely kind of her to write you the first time and she clearly cares.
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Pennster Poohbah Member Since Aug 2013 Location: US Posts: 1,030 10 442 hugs given	Dec 11, 2018 at 11:19 PM #7 I’m sorry, MRT. Does she often push you? I’m someone who wouldn’t be up for being pushed at all. I would be upset, too. I think it’s ok to be mad- I would feel free to let her know how her pushing you affected you.
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Anonymous53987 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 12, 2018 at 01:06 AM #9 What you are studying shouldn't affect how she practices or any expectations she might (mistakenly) hold about you. This attitude would piss me off big time.
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Anonymous53987 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 12, 2018 at 01:51 AM #13 How high should a therapist's expectations be when they are working with an electrician or a roadworker? Someone's job, or potential job in the case of study, should be irrelevant.
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MRT6211 Member Member Since Dec 2016 Location: New York Posts: 357 7 208 hugs given	Dec 12, 2018 at 03:09 AM #14 I may have sent drunken emails to both T and exT....probably going to get reprimanded for that at some point, but I don’t care. Good. I deserve whatever lectures I get about this.
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Anonymous59356 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 12, 2018 at 04:24 AM #16 Therapy is full of these moments.
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MRT6211 Member Member Since Dec 2016 Location: New York Posts: 357 7 208 hugs given	Dec 12, 2018 at 03:59 PM #17 She hasn’t written back or called all day. I guess I was successful in pushing her away finally. I sent an email at 1 to both T and exT apologizing for last night’s drunken rambles. I hate myself. Why would she tell me to let her know how the week goes if she’s just going to ghost me? Doesn’t she realize this is making everything worse?
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MRT6211 Member Member Since Dec 2016 Location: New York Posts: 357 7 208 hugs given	Dec 12, 2018 at 04:50 PM #19 Seriously, ***** her, this is why I push people away, because when I depend on them, all they do is abandon and/or hurt me.
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guilloche Magnate Member Since Jun 2014 Location: US Posts: 2,734 9 2,704 hugs given	Dec 12, 2018 at 10:36 PM #20 I'm so sorry that you're going through this MRT. I had a bad session this week too. It's a special kind of awful, isn't it? I hope you hear back from your T soon, and get some resolution.
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