I don't know

velcro003 · Dec 13, 2018 at 10:12 PM

i've always heard it as "uncomplicated" (ie:death of a grandparent in old age) versus "complicated" grief--basically anything that makes it more difficult than what one would expect with death, i guess.

04:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

So many are commenting on the unhealthy/inappropriate grief. Is it healthy to frequently be in extreme pain to the point of effecting a person's life for an extended period of time sometimes up to a month? That is what she said and I believe that was her intervention. She is the least judgmental person I know at least as a therapist.

Sorry, I really hesitated when I made my post over using the word judgemental. I am anti-psychiatry, anti-labels and anti someone else being an expert and saying something isn't healthy. I'm pro acceptance and respect. But from your response I think that her approach feels right?

nottrustin · Dec 14, 2018 at 06:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wild at heart

Sorry, I really hesitated when I made my post over using the word judgemental. I am anti-psychiatry, anti-labels and anti someone else being an expert and saying something isn't healthy. I'm pro acceptance and respect. But from your response I think that her approach feels right?

I think she could have said it better but I do believe she does make a valid point. I also believe she is basing information on on knowledge rather than personal experience

RaineD · Dec 23, 2018 at 09:49 PM

I just started reading "It's OK that you're not OK" by Megan Divine. It talks about how our entire culture does not understand grief. She talks about how poorly the psych profession understands grief. She talks about how so many therapists are unable to help people in grief because the profession is working off incorrect models. I only just started the book, but already I think you should get it for your EMDR T.

Megan Divine is a therapist who lost her husband to a freak accident.

nottrustin · Dec 23, 2018 at 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RaineD

I just started reading "It's OK that you're not OK" by Megan Divine. It talks about how our entire culture does not understand grief. She talks about how poorly the psych profession understands grief. She talks about how so many therapists are unable to help people in grief because the profession is working off incorrect models. I only just started the book, but already I think you should get it for your EMDR T.

Megan Divine is a therapist who lost her husband to a freak accident.

Thank you I will look into it. Sounds like I might like it as well.

LonesomeTonight · Dec 24, 2018 at 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

NT, it's YOUR therapy, not hers. If you want to mention it at every session, so be it. If you don't want to talk about it, then don't.--Cool

I agree that you should talk about it as much as you need to. I kind of stopped talking about my former marriage counselor (not a death, but termination, as he was someone very important to me at one time and T said I was grieving it) in therapy for a long time, because I kept worrying T would think "Ugh, this again?" Except then all the feelings came back and hit me hard around the anniversary of the rupture earlier this month, and we spent basically 4 full sessions on it. I think if maybe I'd discussed it more with him earlier, I could have processed it better/sooner. And T at one point referred to what I was dealing with as "complicated grief," which I think is a better term than "unhealthy grief," which does sound judgmental.

I found this: Complicated Grief. It says how it can be more common if someone has PTSD or past abuse. And also if the death is unexpected or sudden, as happened with your T. Maybe you could share it with EMDR T?

nottrustin · Dec 24, 2018 at 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I agree that you should talk about it as much as you need to. I kind of stopped talking about my former marriage counselor (not a death, but termination, as he was someone very important to me at one time and T said I was grieving it) in therapy for a long time, because I kept worrying T would think "Ugh, this again?" Except then all the feelings came back and hit me hard around the anniversary of the rupture earlier this month, and we spent basically 4 full sessions on it. I think if maybe I'd discussed it more with him earlier, I could have processed it better/sooner. And T at one point referred to what I was dealing with as "complicated grief," which I think is a better term than "unhealthy grief," which does sound judgmental.

I found this: Complicated Grief. It says how it can be more common if someone has PTSD or past abuse. And also if the death is unexpected or sudden, as happened with your T. Maybe you could share it with EMDR T?

Thanks for the link. T and Ihad discussed much of this such as I didnt allow myself to cry or talk to anybody about it for 8 years, I was abused and my mom was my one constant support in my life. She found this: Complicated Grief. It says how it can be more common if someone has PTSD or past abuse. And also if the death is unexpected or sudden, as happened with your T. Maybe you could share it with EMDR T?

Thanks for the link. My complicated grief is related to my mom not T. T and I discussed many of what was in the article. My mom didn't die suddenly but after a long painful battle with cancer. I was with her all day and evening up until her last breath. There are parts of that day that still haunt me.

I do believe Emdr T knows I have complicated grief. She believes it stems from the abuse and all the different issues that brings. Definitely worth bringing up to EMDR T

LonesomeTonight · Dec 24, 2018 at 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Thanks for the link. T and Ihad discussed much of this such as I didnt allow myself to cry or talk to anybody about it for 8 years, I was abused and my mom was my one constant support in my life. She found this: Complicated Grief. It says how it can be more common if someone has PTSD or past abuse. And also if the death is unexpected or sudden, as happened with your T. Maybe you could share it with EMDR T?

Thanks for the link. My complicated grief is related to my mom not T. T and I discussed many of what was in the article. My mom didn't die suddenly but after a long painful battle with cancer. I was with her all day and evening up until her last breath. There are parts of that day that still haunt me.

I do believe Emdr T knows I have complicated grief. She believes it stems from the abuse and all the different issues that brings. Definitely worth bringing up to EMDR T

Oops, sorry, reading comprehension fail! Then it really makes sense with your mom because it's a very complex relationship. And I imagine actually being there when she died would contribute to that. And if you acted as her caretaker for some of it. Plus I'm sure T passing away dredged all that up more.

coolibrarian · Dec 24, 2018 at 01:22 PM

What's "BBN?"

susannahsays · Dec 24, 2018 at 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wild at heart

I'm surprised she categorises grief as either healthy or unhealthy.

Sometimes I still like to talk to my new T about my T that died.

Well, I think there is sometimes grief that consumes a person's life to the point that they stop living. They no longer even connect to loved ones who are still alive because they are so wound up in grief over the person that died. Having grief continue to define life as time passes is not healthy because it leaves no room for anything else.

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velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Dec 13, 2018 at 10:12 PM #21 i've always heard it as "uncomplicated" (ie:death of a grandparent in old age) versus "complicated" grief--basically anything that makes it more difficult than what one would expect with death, i guess.
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coolibrarian Poohbah Member Since Feb 2014 Location: Upstate NY Posts: 1,302 10 1,041 hugs given	Dec 24, 2018 at 01:22 PM #29 What's "BBN?"
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