[ScarletPimpernel]

So my T wants me to live for other people/things besides just her. The only other thing I live for are my dogs. I wish I could say my H, but honestly he's the one that sometimes pushes me to the edge. So T told me my homework is to figure out what else there is to live for. I don't have friends, I have a love/hate relationship with my family, and I don't have children. All I can think of is her and my dogs. I would say ex-Pdoc too if she was still my doctor.

What do you live for?

[Lefty Seven]

My wife, MIL, and few friends. I had dogs but they died.

[Waterloo12345]

I may be misinterpreting your question but at the moment I live for the possibility of becoming a person who can truly engage in all types of relationships, feeling all emotions in a regulated way, not withdraw into dissociation and feel that I'm worth it, develop some self esteem and self belief.

I've hope that can happen with the support of my therapist, doctor, and increasingly friends and family as I become more open.

When I had no hope that was it. So I've a dog that I love, family that want to be loving and caring, loving and caring t and doc and friends but it was not enough to keep me.

I think now as I develop amd grow its becoming a tie, not to live for, but to find some way of living for me, so I live with them.

Or something. It's the middle of the night here and I'm awake. That's never good!

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by Waterloo12345

I may be misinterpreting your question but at the moment I live for the possibility of becoming a person who can truly engage in all types of relationships, feeling all emotions in a regulated way, not withdraw into dissociation and feel that I'm worth it, develop some self esteem and self belief.

I've hope that can happen with the support of my therapist, doctor, and increasingly friends and family as I become more open.

When I had no hope that was it. So I've a dog that I love, family that want to be loving and caring, loving and caring t and doc and friends but it was not enough to keep me.

I think now as I develop amd grow its becoming a tie, not to live for, but to find some way of living for me, so I live with them.

Or something. It's the middle of the night here and I'm awake. That's never good!

Maybe that's my problem. I don't know where I can grow. I feel stuck. Then again, I'm in the middle of a horrible depression episode, so it's really affecting my thinking. I just don't see myself getting any better. Medication helps, but if I'm honest, I don't think I can gain much more from therapy. I use it for support, processing, and reminders, but I'm not really learning anything new. I haven't since ex-T and even then, a lot of it was reminders. The only way I see myself growing is through people, and that scares the hell out of me.

[RaineD]

I live to learn life's lessons, both sweet and bitter, for the hope of becoming a better person and making a difference in the world. That's a nice lofty statement, but, practically, I live for my career and my relationships with various lovely people.

I really love my career. It gives me meaning and purpose in life. I think I would be very sad without it.

[MRT6211]

My dog, my guinea pig, and my future patients. I live because I know that some day, I will save a life, hopefully many lives, and even though sometimes I don’t feel like my life is worth living, I keep trying to shift my focus to those future patients, their lives, and the lives of their loved ones. Maybe some day I’ll be the person that saves someone that few others could’ve.

[Waterloo12345]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Maybe that's my problem. I don't know where I can grow. I feel stuck. Then again, I'm in the middle of a horrible depression episode, so it's really affecting my thinking. I just don't see myself getting any better. Medication helps, but if I'm honest, I don't think I can gain much more from therapy. I use it for support, processing, and reminders, but I'm not really learning anything new. I haven't since ex-T and even then, a lot of it was reminders. The only way I see myself growing is through people, and that scares the hell out of me.

Depression completely distorted my thinking, but I'm fortunate in that medication helps lift the blanket/fog/deadening effect and gives room below for me to at least try to think a different way. When I was depressed I was stuck.

What I get from your post is that it's huge you can see a way of growing even in the midst of this crappy phase and you know that your scared of it

for me insight has been the key to change which I've got from pyschodynamic therapy but I don't want to evangelize, the import bit is the insight.

I can't recall what type of therapy you do but even if it's just giving you support, reminders etc, if you are scared of growing through people but do it anyway in the tinest of baby steps then the therapy can still support you in that way?

Your growing through people comment has made me think I'd like that as well. So I'm going to go write to a friend, try and be a bit vulnerable irl even if only by what's app instead of engaging in abandonment thoughts. Thank you!

[MessyD]

I can relate to pretty much everything expect in my case it’s the cats. There was a time that I mostly lived for my T. I still need him But I know I could live without him. Sometimes I don’t even know why cause I don’t really have anything good and I’m not very close to my family but I also don’t want to hurt them. So I don’t really have an answer but I know that I don’t feel as miserable as when I started seeing my T, so that gives me some kind of hope that things don’t stay the same way. And maybe there will be something else some day. Only one way to find out...

[growlycat]

At the very least I try to live as to not hurt those who care about me. I try to be there in ways that I can for family and friends even if it is limited it is something. My cat and therapist are in the mix too. And I live in hope that I will continue to improve and get my **** together. My career is one place where I actually excel.

[Echos Myron redux]

As well as family and stuff, I live for what I can contribute. It might sound trite, but I like the idea of impacting on the world in some small way by following my integrity and contributing to the wellbeing of other people. I don't just mean in my job, but in my other activities too. I have an insatiable thirst for learning too, which will always give me motivation to go on.

You're still young Scarlet and have plenty of time to work out what meaning life can have for you.

[peacelizard]

I honestly don't know that I live for any one person. I wouldn't hurt myself because of a few people close to me, but to me that's not living for them.

I think, if anything, I live for the hope that things will get better eventually. Because at the end of the day, I know I don't want to die. I just don't want to feel that overwhelming pain and sadness and self-loathing. I don't want to fear most people and that I have to isolate myself. That's all, really.

[elisewin]

My kids, my H, my friends, my work, everything beautiful and interesting around, life's gorgeous surprises,...

[elisewin]

.. and not to forget, for myself.

Originally Posted by elisewin

.. and not to forget, for myself.

I think this is the only thing we truly live for. We might disguise it with other people.
Whrn I've attempted suicide in the past. I believed everyone would be better off if I went.

If we're still here. It's because we've chosen to keep ourselves here.

[Merope]

I live for the experience, I guess. I remember a few years ago when things in my life seemed to be going really well, I told myself that no matter what would happen, I wouldn’t give up on life because all experiences, be they good or bad, have something valuable in them. Of course it’s easy to say things like these when feeling ok, it’s often much more difficult to keep to that when not feeling good. For instance now things are not going so well and I often struggle to get out of bed in the morning, but then I remember that maybe one day I will be able to look back and see the value/lessons in the suffering. And maybe write about it.

I also cling to the hope that things will maybe get better for me. It may make me sound naive, but I haven’t given up on being curious about what I’m going to find down the road.

At the moment, and for the past few months, I also live for T and the way our relationship is changing me and adding a hoard of valuable lessons to my life. Both comforting ones and painful ones.

[piggy momma]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Maybe that's my problem. I don't know where I can grow. I feel stuck. Then again, I'm in the middle of a horrible depression episode, so it's really affecting my thinking. I just don't see myself getting any better. Medication helps, but if I'm honest, I don't think I can gain much more from therapy. I use it for support, processing, and reminders, but I'm not really learning anything new. I haven't since ex-T and even then, a lot of it was reminders. The only way I see myself growing is through people, and that scares the hell out of me.

If growing through other people scares the hell out of you, that is a HUGE topic for therapy! If your therapist can help you manoever that path, it will be life changing.

As for me, I live for my pets - dog, cat, pig, my jobs that I really enjoy - I’m a dog groomer and I work for an airline, school - I just started my degree and I am loving it, the ongoing progress I am making in therapy - it has been huge lately, the potential for the future - I have goals, dreams, and aspirations. I want to be around to see them come to fruition.

[Lemoncake]

The hope and promise of tomorrow. That everything i've gone through had a point which I can't see now but only when looking back all the dot will connect.

The last bit is paraphrased from a Steve jobs graduation speech.

mainly my music.

it's no secret now I want to hear every single song ever recorded (I love music, discovering it too)

that, and the simple joys of life- breathing, looking at the sky, that kind of thing

and I suppose because it's only one shot. if I go I need to be absolutely sure

I have a diffrent respect for life I suppose.

I almost lost it so many times (through my own attempts), and I almostm issed out on so much.

I don't want that

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

So my T wants me to live for other people/things besides just her. The only other thing I live for are my dogs. I wish I could say my H, but honestly he's the one that sometimes pushes me to the edge. So T told me my homework is to figure out what else there is to live for. I don't have friends, I have a love/hate relationship with my family, and I don't have children. All I can think of is her and my dogs. I would say ex-Pdoc too if she was still my doctor.

What do you live for?

Same situation as you. My H is an emotional stone and is not a factor in keeping me alive. I live for my dog and I worry about her if I died. The fear of the unknown is what keeps me here more than anything else but when I am in a really bad spot in my mind I can override that.