advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
chihirochild
Magnate
 
chihirochild's Avatar
chihirochild is trying
 
Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: North America
Posts: 2,360
5 yr Member
4,865 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 22, 2018 at 12:17 PM
  #1
I have a small conundrum and would appreciate any thoughts or advice y'all might have. I'll be working at a different hospital for the next two weeks. Part of the purpose is educational (for me to learn how other specialties at other hospitals function), but another purpose is for them to check me out and decide whether or not they might be interested in hiring me or offering me a fellowship spot once I'm done with residency.

The conundrum is that normally I have to miss several hours of work on Friday afternoons in order to go to therapy (~3.5 hours--one hour of therapy, one hour of group, and 45 minutes drive time each way). I'm afraid that if I tell them I have depression, they won't want to hire me (because of stigma, and because me having to go to therapy every week is kind of a scheduling nightmare for hospitals/doctors). However, I don't want to misrepresent myself, and I don't want to contribute to stigma of mental illness in medicine by not disclosing, and I think that acting ashamed of a thing usually makes any existing shame worse... plus if they're the sort of workplace that won't take me because I have depression, I may not want to work for them anyway.

As far as I can tell, my options are:
- not go either week, which would be stupid
- go one week but not the other to minimize impact, which would be less stupid
- go both weeks
- go one or both weeks and not explain why ("I have a medical appointment")
- go one or both weeks and explain why ("I've got depression and have a therapy appointment")

Thoughts? Perspectives? Stories?
chihirochild is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MRT6211, SalingerEsme
 
Thanks for this!
SalingerEsme

advertisement
piggy momma
Poohbah
 
piggy momma's Avatar
piggy momma loves all pigs. ALL. THE. PIGS.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,073
5 yr Member
70 hugs
given
Default Dec 22, 2018 at 12:33 PM
  #2
I can definitely appreciate your position.

If it were me, because the whole situation is new, I would definitely keep my therapy appts and tell them I have a pre-existing commitment I need to keep.

If and when they offer you the position, you can negotiate your Friday afternoons at that time.
piggy momma is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
chihirochild
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,699 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 22, 2018 at 12:50 PM
  #3
I'd say you have a doctor's appointment. Or maybe just "an appointment" if you worry about not being entirely truthful. Or "a personal obligation" (I mean, it could be something like taking a parent to an appointment). It's only 2 weeks, so wouldn't seem all that odd that you might have two appointments scheduled in that time. Could you offer to make up the time?
LonesomeTonight is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
chihirochild, LostOnTheTrail, MRT6211
Waterloo12345
Member
Waterloo12345 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2018
Location: Uk
Posts: 424
5 yr Member
250 hugs
given
Default Dec 22, 2018 at 12:55 PM
  #4
It's a hard choice. I've disclosed at work (like finally and after at least 2 previous sabbaticals for MH) and taken less work on because it's time to prioritise my mental health.

So it took some time. And I kinda knew what the overall reaction would be.

For 'look see' like that I'd have previous appointments, evaluate the place, including whether they are MH friendly, then disclose when needed.

It's a lot easier for an employer to make accommodations when they know you and your good work. When you, as a prospective person with (I assume) competition for the place, some will be like, where all else is equal why take the one who, at the very least, is a scheduling hassle, if not some one we 'are' continually going to have to make accommodations for...

As for stigma I get you on that but sometimes put me first and then when you are settled fight for others
.
Waterloo12345 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Anastasia~, chihirochild, feralkittymom, LonesomeTonight, luvyrself, MRT6211, susannahsays, WarmFuzzySocks
CharlieStarDust
Member
 
CharlieStarDust's Avatar
CharlieStarDust has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 264
5 yr Member
16 hugs
given
Default Dec 22, 2018 at 12:58 PM
  #5
I've never told my employers that I'm in therapy - not because of stigma, it's just part of my life I want to keep separate from work. I usually tell them I have a pre-existing commitment that's very important to me and offer to make up the hours in whichever way works best (come in early, stay late, etc.).
CharlieStarDust is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
chihirochild, feralkittymom, Ididitmyway, MRT6211
feralkittymom
Grand Magnate
 
feralkittymom's Avatar
feralkittymom has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2012
Location: yada
Posts: 4,415
10 yr Member
1,974 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 22, 2018 at 01:16 PM
  #6
I think your situation is analogous to a first date: are you obligated to share every part of your private history on a first date? No. It's just a first date, not a marriage proposal.

I think the over weighted sense of an obligation to tell the "truth" also comes from a place of shame. You are entitled to your privacy. If you want to keep the appts, then let them know you have pre-scheduled appts that would not be possible to reschedule at short notice. I don't think you need be any more specific than that.


Any other concerns are way down the road at this point, and those bridges can be crossed when and if you reach them.
feralkittymom is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Anastasia~, Anne2.0, chihirochild, LonesomeTonight, luvyrself, MRT6211, WarmFuzzySocks
peacelizard
Member
peacelizard has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 257
8 yr Member
Default Dec 22, 2018 at 03:48 PM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by chihirochild View Post
I have a small conundrum and would appreciate any thoughts or advice y'all might have. I'll be working at a different hospital for the next two weeks. Part of the purpose is educational (for me to learn how other specialties at other hospitals function), but another purpose is for them to check me out and decide whether or not they might be interested in hiring me or offering me a fellowship spot once I'm done with residency.


The conundrum is that normally I have to miss several hours of work on Friday afternoons in order to go to therapy (~3.5 hours--one hour of therapy, one hour of group, and 45 minutes drive time each way). I'm afraid that if I tell them I have depression, they won't want to hire me (because of stigma, and because me having to go to therapy every week is kind of a scheduling nightmare for hospitals/doctors). However, I don't want to misrepresent myself, and I don't want to contribute to stigma of mental illness in medicine by not disclosing, and I think that acting ashamed of a thing usually makes any existing shame worse... plus if they're the sort of workplace that won't take me because I have depression, I may not want to work for them anyway.


As far as I can tell, my options are:

- not go either week, which would be stupid

- go one week but not the other to minimize impact, which would be less stupid

- go both weeks

- go one or both weeks and not explain why ("I have a medical appointment")

- go one or both weeks and explain why ("I've got depression and have a therapy appointment")


Thoughts? Perspectives? Stories?
I would honestly keep both unless having to commit that much time (regardless of what it's for) is more a problem than anything.

I work in inpatient mental health and as much as I'd like to say medicine is more enlightened than the average person, stigma is still very real and can cause all sorts of problems for you professionally.

If you have to tell someone, I would limit it to whoever is absolutely necessity and only when you have limited to no options.

That's just me personally though and I tend to be a pretty private person in general. I don't mind sharing when I know people are good, but otherwise I don't want people in my business
peacelizard is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
chihirochild, luvyrself
SalingerEsme
Grand Poohbah
 
SalingerEsme's Avatar
SalingerEsme has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: Neverland
Posts: 1,805
5 yr Member
4,957 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 22, 2018 at 04:06 PM
  #8
I would not disclose until after they make you an offer. You could say you have an appointment and leave it at that one of the weeks, or maybe your T will compromise with you and see you at a special time?

__________________
Living things don’t all require/ light in the same degree. Louise Gluck
SalingerEsme is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
chihirochild, peacelizard
Rive.
Magnate
Rive. has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,002
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 22, 2018 at 04:55 PM
  #9
I would not suggesting disclosing. It is nobody's business, least of all employers who can discriminate.

Say you have a weekly commitment on Friday afternoons and as such, you won't be available between the hours of xxx and xxx.
Rive. is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
chihirochild, luvyrself
ChickenNoodleSoup
Grand Poohbah
ChickenNoodleSoup has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2017
Location: In a land far far away
Posts: 1,563
5 yr Member
1,300 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 22, 2018 at 05:39 PM
  #10
I don't work in medicine, but I was recently looking for a job in software engineering. I go to therapy every Friday afternoon and it's in a different city, so I can't work on that day, it'd be a nightmare to schedule.

I told them pretty upfront that I could only work 4 days a week and that I'd have to take Fridays off. All companies at some point asked why I didn't want to work full-time/what was going on on Friday. I told them that I have a regular doctor's appointment. Which is true since my T is a psychiatrist. They are not legally allowed to force me to answer what my condition is in that case. They asked me whether it'd impact my work while I'm there, but they didn't even ask about the specifics, what kind of doctor or what kind of illness.

I'd suggest not explaining why, and to at least if you are not too urgently required to find a job to choose to go every or every second week based on what you'd like better.
Once you start working there, know the people, everything, then you can still make the decision to tell them. But disclosing right away with what you struggle might make them less likely to hire you. Not because of the stigma, but because it's a risk for them and if another candidate does not pose that risk, they might choose that person. Since they don't know you, they can't tell what exactly depression means, does it mean sometimes just suddenly not showing up for work or is it no problem at all. So they might just go with the person who does not struggle with anything.

I don't live in the US, my country has significantly less stigma around mental health. Yet my T has advised me to not talk about what I'm struggling with during interviews. I decided to go with that and feel it was a good decision.
ChickenNoodleSoup is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
chihirochild, luvyrself, MRT6211
RaineD
Grand Member
RaineD has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 950
5 yr Member
962 hugs
given
Default Dec 22, 2018 at 05:46 PM
  #11
I would not disclose. Just say you have an appointment and go one of the two weeks. I would skip the other week.
RaineD is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
chihirochild, MRT6211
starfishing
Member
starfishing has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 466
5 yr Member
Default Dec 22, 2018 at 10:02 PM
  #12
Quote:
Originally Posted by RaineD View Post
I would not disclose. Just say you have an appointment and go one of the two weeks. I would skip the other week.
I agree. Medical culture being the unfortunate double-standard filled tangle that it is, I think you're better off keeping the nature of the appointment private, and sticking with one week at most. It shouldn't be that way, but IMO it is. It might make sense to disclose later on in the process of you and them mutually sniffing one another out for fellowship, but at this point I think privacy is the better part of valor.
starfishing is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
chihirochild, MRT6211
MRT6211
Member
MRT6211 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: New York
Posts: 357
5 yr Member
208 hugs
given
Default Dec 23, 2018 at 03:50 AM
  #13
Quote:
Originally Posted by chihirochild View Post
I have a small conundrum and would appreciate any thoughts or advice y'all might have. I'll be working at a different hospital for the next two weeks. Part of the purpose is educational (for me to learn how other specialties at other hospitals function), but another purpose is for them to check me out and decide whether or not they might be interested in hiring me or offering me a fellowship spot once I'm done with residency.

The conundrum is that normally I have to miss several hours of work on Friday afternoons in order to go to therapy (~3.5 hours--one hour of therapy, one hour of group, and 45 minutes drive time each way). I'm afraid that if I tell them I have depression, they won't want to hire me (because of stigma, and because me having to go to therapy every week is kind of a scheduling nightmare for hospitals/doctors). However, I don't want to misrepresent myself, and I don't want to contribute to stigma of mental illness in medicine by not disclosing, and I think that acting ashamed of a thing usually makes any existing shame worse... plus if they're the sort of workplace that won't take me because I have depression, I may not want to work for them anyway.

As far as I can tell, my options are:
- not go either week, which would be stupid
- go one week but not the other to minimize impact, which would be less stupid
- go both weeks
- go one or both weeks and not explain why ("I have a medical appointment")
- go one or both weeks and explain why ("I've got depression and have a therapy appointment")

Thoughts? Perspectives? Stories?

For me personally, I would go with telling them you have an appointment and not disclosing why. You don’t owe them any explanation, just as with any physical heath issue, you wouldn’t.
Also, I’m only a med student, so you’re further along in your career than I am, but in my experience, the stigma within the medical field against mental illness is astounding. I was open with my med school administration, and it very nearly cost me my career. I had to fight so hard to get back into school, and I have to unnecessarily repeat MS1. You might have an even better idea of this than I do, but that’s just my two cents. Given, I feel that the level of stigma probably also varies based on the people, hospital, specialty...really everything. So you’re the one who can best judge. I just advise caution, based on what I’ve seen and heard happening at my hospital.
MRT6211 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
chihirochild, LonesomeTonight, SalingerEsme
 
Thanks for this!
chihirochild, LonesomeTonight, luvyrself, peacelizard
Lrad123
Poohbah
Lrad123 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 1,332
5 yr Member
372 hugs
given
Default Dec 23, 2018 at 09:48 AM
  #14
There’s a closed Facebook group called Physician Mental Health whose goal is to allow physicians to discuss their mental health issues and struggles. There’s an option to post anonymously if you choose. This might be a good place to post your question and perhaps find comeraderie.

Personally, I’d go one week, but not both and not disclose where you are going, but be sure to let them know way in advance that you’ll be missing part of a Friday. Then be fully present and impress the hell out of them during the time you are there. It’s truly a shame that the medical community can be so intolerant of mental health issues, but that’s the way it is. Huge kudos to you for getting the help you need now.
Lrad123 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
chihirochild, MRT6211
Lemoncake
Luna's offical mini me.
 
Lemoncake's Avatar
Lemoncake Adult female human
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,646 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
10.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 23, 2018 at 12:56 PM
  #15
Being mentally ill does not automatically make you medical incompetent, but I would only reveal after an offer had been made.

Would you and T consider something like sessions online like on skype or on the phone which could save the driving time?

__________________
"Love, like life, flows
Through the heart.
Feel the thrill of the flow
And say nothing."

Lemoncake is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
chihirochild, MRT6211
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:22 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.