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Old 12-13-2018, 08:46 AM #11
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Default Re: Feeling so small

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So, when she said that the way you sat made it less intrusive, did it feel to you that she was implying that you can be in control of your father's behavior and that the way you sit would make a difference and that if you sat in a certain way that would deter your father from touching you inappropriately? In a sense, did it feel like she was suggesting that you are in control of the situation?
Yes it did.
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Old 12-13-2018, 11:41 AM #12
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Yes it did.
Ok, then I understand why it made you feel bad.

Well, I don't know if your therapist meant it that way, but if that was the message, then it is invalidating and I disagree with it strongly. The way you sit or behave, the clothes you wear, the places you go or anything you do doesn't give anyone the right to touch you inappropriately. You are not responsible for your father's behavior. His behavior is his own choice and he is the only one responsible for it.
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Old 12-13-2018, 03:27 PM #13
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Default Re: Feeling so small

Now my T wants to talk to my dad because she said she thinks he sexually abused me. I dont know what to think about this. Like anyone would say Hey guess what I did. She said she suspects I dissociated as a child when he did innapropriate things and do now when he does. I dont I dont understand her specualtions sometimes. I would now if I dissociate around him.
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Old 12-13-2018, 05:00 PM #14
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Do you think this therapist is helping you? With all these assumptions, wanting to talk to your family members, then what is the useful outcome of those discussions and her hypotheses - does she evaluate the outcome with you and adjusts plan based on that?
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Old 12-13-2018, 05:01 PM #15
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I don't think it's wise for your T to meet with your dad. The last thing the therapist should do is to meet with a perpetrator or a suspected perpetrator because it compromises the client's safety. Generally speaking I have not been impressed with your therapist's approach from the beginning.

Remember that you are in charge of your therapy. If you don't want them to meet, you should say so.
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Old 12-13-2018, 05:07 PM #16
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Default Re: Feeling so small

I'm no expert, but I'm beginning to wonder how competent your therapist is. Why does she think she needs to talk to all your family members? The therapy is about you and your recollections and your feelings about them. She's not supposed to be a detective trying to find factual evidence. It seems to me she's causing you harm by planting all these disturbing ideas in your head. She should be working with the person sitting in front of her only.
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Old 12-13-2018, 06:37 PM #17
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I don't think it's wise for your T to meet with your dad. The last thing the therapist should do is to meet with a perpetrator or a suspected perpetrator because it compromises the client's safety. Generally speaking I have not been impressed with your therapist's approach from the beginning.

Remember that you are in charge of your therapy. If you don't want them to meet, you should say so.
How would it compromise my safety?
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Old 12-13-2018, 09:00 PM #18
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How would it compromise my safety?
Your father can retaliate against you for talking about it with the therapist or anyone else and can make your situation worse. If this was reported to authorities like police, it's unlikely that he'd do it because that would get him into a more trouble. But a therapist is not a legal authority.

I generally would not trust a therapist who implied that my sitting position may contribute to my father sexually abusing me. As I said, I don't know if that's exactly what your therapist was implying, but if I were a client and had a feeling that she did, that would be enough for me not to talk to her any more and to look for a new therapist.

As I said, I don't think your therapist is doing a good work with you, but I think so for the reasons slightly different from what others suggest.

I think too that she should not be talking to anyone in your family. It's not her job to investigate what's really going on. She has to work with whatever you tell her and not to go beyond that. She should have enough expertise to know how to navigate this situation best without bringing outside parties into it, which does NOT navigate it best.

I don't think she is "implanting" the idea that you are being abused. It is a fact that you have reported here and to her. The way your father is touching you now IS abuse, and that is a fact, there is nothing there to "implant". In regards to the past, I too can say that it is very likely that your father abused you since you were a child, because I have not seen any case when sexual abuse of a child came out of the blue in their adulthood when everything was fine before. It just doesn't make sense that a healthy parent with a normal protective parental instinct who has always behaved like a healthy parent, all of a sudden got an idea of touching their child inappropriately when they grew up. Once you are bonded with the child as a parent normally does, that bond never goes away no matter how old the child is. They are always your baby and you never look at them as a member of the opposite sex that you can have a different relationship with. As a normal parent I know that and any normal parent on this board knows that too, I am sure.
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Old 12-14-2018, 10:09 AM #19
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Default Re: Feeling so small

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Originally Posted by Dnester View Post
Now my T wants to talk to my dad because she said she thinks he sexually abused me. I dont know what to think about this. Like anyone would say Hey guess what I did. She said she suspects I dissociated as a child when he did innapropriate things and do now when he does. I dont I dont understand her specualtions sometimes. I would now if I dissociate around him.
I once interviewed a man who admitted he sexually abused his stepdaughter (years ago, the statute of limitations for criminal prosecution would have elapsed plus in the circumstances nobody would have prosecuted him anywayt). What really shocked me is he acted like his justification was really a justification. He said he wanted to "test how far she'd let a man go with her." She was 9 at the time. He thought he was doing something "fatherly." As in helping her. Twisted people with their twisted logic do have a way of revealing themselves even if they aren't intending to. It's possible the information your T might get from your dad would be really useful to you. Information is power, blah blah but true IME.

So you never know what people will admit. Also, it is really common for kids to dissociate and so your T's speculation makes sense to me. Personally, I think your movement in therapy in the past month or so with this T is leading you somewhere. I'd be inclined to trust her because she got you to this place. I don't see any reason why her talking to your father is going to result in anything negative from him-- if she's reasonably good at doing this, she will act as if he's doing her a favor and learning more about you. She's not going to accuse him or even raise his suspicions about what she really thinks. I do thing it's possible it may help you. And I also think that your therapist has a better handle on what may lead you forward-- again, you are in a very different place than you were not so long ago-- and it seems good to me, that maybe you are getting some answers. I would encourage you not to allow strangers on the internet to interfere with the relationship you have with your therapist.
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Old 12-14-2018, 11:36 AM #20
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Default Re: Feeling so small

Yeah, she said shes just going to talk to him like she did my mother. She isnt going to accuse him of anything. Just get imformation about my childhood from him. Im just curious why she would speculate. She said she believed my father sexually abused me when I was a kud a dissociated and because its all I have ever known I do it when he does innapropriate stuff now. I dont see how she can say these things without knowing.
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