T and Ex T’s Conversation

My T talked to my ex T, the one who terminated suddenly after I crossed her boundary. I was feeling very anxious and panicky about it because I was afraid ex T would sound mad or scared of me on the phone with current T and current T would not want to work with me after hearing about me from ex T. However, it seems like it went well. Before they talked, I was really trying to accept that ex T would never want to talk to me again, even a year from now. However, after asking current T about what she thought based on the conversation - she said it’s realistic that T would be up for talking to me 6mos to a year from now, as long as I get my &$%# together (she said it in nicer/more professional terms of course). She also told me that ex T seemed to realize/accept some of the specific things she did made things harder for me and ex T has not had the opportunity to tell me what they are really and won’t get the opportunity til we talk again.

Overall, this left me with a lot of hope I’ll talk to ex T again. I know I need to work on myself for MYSELF but I can’t help be more motivated now that I know it’s possible. Also, I think it will matter less to me at that point anyway, after I’ve spent more time away from her and continue to process and grieve. Part of me is afraid that talking to her will rekindle the attachment feelings, even if I wait 6mos. So I think I may wait for a year. Deep down, even if she did allow some form of contact, I can see myself holding onto her working with me again and I might be pretty sad if she’s not willing to.

Does anyone have any advice on whether I should hold onto hope or not, whether it’s a good idea? I don’t want hope to disrupt my grieving process, but I also want to be open to connection if it’s available. Many people have said on here that in order to overcome my “addiction”, I need complete abstinence. Does anyone have experience with reconnecting with their therapist a year after termination? Did it go well? Did the attachment get intense again?

I think you are desperate because you are heart broken. That is a very sad place for you. You ex therapist is not offering you anything. There is no direct contact with her, no clear time span for renewed contact, no agreed contract with her about what needs to change to enable a therapeutic relationship to be re-established. Draw your own lines. Your healing is not dependent on her.

what do you mean by reconnecting? Have her as a therapist again? Or speak with her 1 more time ( and only one more time)?