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Default Dec 13, 2018 at 10:17 PM
  #1
I wont get into the session details much because it's personal but I had my final session with t. He ended up giving me TWO things that had meaning to us. He put them in a box and walked them to my car with me where we had our final hug.

I did pretty well... I sobbed the whole ride home but in session itself, very minimal tears. I wanted to focus on laughs and just casual stuff. We played a game and he agreed to a pic with me and my dog.

I had brought something I got specially made for my dog who passed but forgot to show him so I texted him after and he didn't reply until almost 9pm which is not like him at all... but I'm glad he did. He still seems very open to meeting up in 2 years and happily before if we cross paths, which is unlikely since we live so far away.

Something super odd though... not many of you know... but my mom is, well ******. She's never been kind or supportive to me and she randomly called me to night and said "How are you doing?" it took my by surprise (omg she is human!)
I told her I was ok and then she said "Did he ask you to keep in contact?" I said "No, there's rules. I'm not allowed to" and she replied with "Not even as friends? That's BS!" Totally amazing for 2 reasons... 1-- she has long FREAKED out at the idea of me even being friends with men... and now she was suggesting it and 2-- she's totally with me on my views of therapy rules.

All of that was weird, it made me feel like maybe I will have a weird and unexpected support through this.

I'm still really sad, I'm not sure it's hit me yet completely. I haven't deleted him from my phone but his phone, since its a work phone, is being turned in tomorrow. Just wanted to post here since many of you knew today was my day from hell... I probably wont be posting here much anymore though, without therapy to even talk about, but I will pop in from time to time to see what everyone else is up to.

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Default Dec 13, 2018 at 10:38 PM
  #2
My leaving t this past summer was also sudden and unexpected, but even seeing him just once a week as i had been at the end, it took me a couple of months to adjust to the lack, then a few more months to develop a new pattern of being. I always felt like i was on the end of a game of crack-the-whip on skates.

Eta - so just saying, i dont think you just STOP being a client. Ts say, "once a client, always a client" and i think that applies to n+1 - starting immediately is important too.
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Default Dec 13, 2018 at 10:40 PM
  #3
A lot of people here aren't in therapy and still get support. You're always welcome here.

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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 07:36 AM
  #4
DP, I'm so sorry. This has to be truly difficult for you! But I'm kinda glad about your mum. Maybe there's a chance that your relationship will improve.
Anyway I'll also miss you here! I hope you will come back here. I liked your posts.

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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 07:45 AM
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I think posting here about post therapy feelings is just as important.
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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 07:54 AM
  #6
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DP, I'm so sorry. This has to be truly difficult for you! But I'm kinda glad about your mum. Maybe there's a chance that your relationship will improve.
Anyway I'll also miss you here! I hope you will come back here. I liked your posts.
Not likely. I'm sure she will always be a narcissistic person, but she has random times when she seems decent or human. I mean, every day this week before today, we got into screaming matches. I'm just glad that she found some small compassion in her to at least try to be kind for a moment.

I laugh because she feels the same as I do about many of the therapy rules and she didn't even know there was rules. Just kinda goes to show you, how silly even regular folks think it is sometimes. She isn't the first person to say something similar to me either.



As for those saying I can still post, well I know that. I just personally don't feel up to posting much anymore without stories to share. I wont be going to a new T. I find it incredibly hard, especially with the holidays, to read about other people who still have a T. So we will see. I'll be around, just not as much.

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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 08:50 AM
  #7
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Not likely. I'm sure she will always be a narcissistic person, but she has random times when she seems decent or human. I mean, every day this week before today, we got into screaming matches. I'm just glad that she found some small compassion in her to at least try to be kind for a moment.

I laugh because she feels the same as I do about many of the therapy rules and she didn't even know there was rules. Just kinda goes to show you, how silly even regular folks think it is sometimes. She isn't the first person to say something similar to me either.



As for those saying I can still post, well I know that. I just personally don't feel up to posting much anymore without stories to share. I wont be going to a new T. I find it incredibly hard, especially with the holidays, to read about other people who still have a T. So we will see. I'll be around, just not as much.
regular folks usually think it's silly

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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 08:51 AM
  #8
sorry it's come to an end... but it sounds like it went well

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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 08:58 AM
  #9
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regular folks usually think it's silly
Because it is, in this case, there is no rule about it, he even said that, it's just his own thing he goes by for all professional jobs.

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sorry it's come to an end... but it sounds like it went well
Well as can be considering. Now to get used to not having him in my life every week....

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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 09:27 AM
  #10
Speaking of triggers - first Tuesday of the month, at 1 pm, they test the emergency alarm system and sound all the alarms in the city and the state. Well guess who has been in t's office at that time every month for the past i dont know how many years?

So now for the past six months, the sirens sounds, and no matter what heinous thing Victor is doing on The Young and The Restless, all of a sudden in my mind there is t looking at me with his placido domingo face
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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 09:36 AM
  #11
Lots of people post on here after therapy. It is a great way to get support after therapy and feel you are not alone. Hugs
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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 09:44 AM
  #12
He wrote me a goodbye letter. While it wasn't as emotional as I hoped, there was alot of good thoughtful things in there. He's so good about being open to future contact too, not saying either of us will care in 2 yrs but it's nice to know there's that option.

I've decided to try my best to make the best of it. Respect his choice, even though I don't understand it, and realize that, it will make him feel less anxious if we meet again.

I think I'm gonna make a scrapbook. Is it weird to put our texts chats there? I wont feel so sad deleting them then. Plus I got alot of pics of him and some papers he gave me with stuff on it. Rather than being angry and throw it out all and regret it someday, I think it's best to do this.

The good thing is... I am making plans in my future. Trips and moving and such. Things to keep me busy and to look forward to so I'm not constantly obsessing over him. Hopefully it helps. I think the holidays will be the hardest but once I'm though with that, it might be easier for me to manage.

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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 10:30 AM
  #13
DP,
I’m sorry you had to leave your T but it sounds like the last meeting went well.

I’ve saved written notes and the rare post card from PrevT who I saw during my difficult time with an exploitative psychiatrist , 1992 ish - 1998(?). I hadn’t thought of making a scrapbook, but that’s a good idea. She also made an audio tape describing our time together, my gains and growth & her feelings and caring about me. It was very generous of her and helped a lot. I still listen to it occasionally.

She kinda had a two year rule, too, where it was mostly me mailing her cards, etc. but now we have email contact.

Feelings are just so hard.

You have helped make PC a positive informative place and I’ll miss reading your posts. We will be here if you decide to pop in for a visit.
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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 10:43 AM
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DP,

She kinda had a two year rule, too, where it was mostly me mailing her cards, etc. but now we have email contact.

Feelings are just so hard.

You have helped make PC a positive informative place and I’ll miss reading your posts. We will be here if you decide to pop in for a visit.
Was it hard for you do get through the 2 years? I probably could have mailed stuff to him during this time too but he is not gonna be a T anymore so that is an option I don't have Although he told me that in those cases, he wouldn't reply anyway.

Did you guys ever meet up or anything after or just the emails? I'm not sure what I will want in 2 years but like I said, he's so good about it. He really is. I even mentioned when we were laughing during our game that "See? in 2 years or so if we meet again, we can meet up and play this again" and he was like "yes! sure." So that was hopeful and he "liked" my dogs page on Facebook at my request so he can know if he passes away, which weirdly gives me comfort.

I hope he wont forget me... the weird thing is, I was his last client... at that company and potentially forever if he never goes back to therapy which is sounds like he has no interest in doing.

Also, thanks for the kind words. I've had many times where I felt unwanted or welcome here, but I've also met some nice people here, so I still stick around.

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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 10:48 AM
  #15
I am sorry that the end is here but it sounds like he is much more openminded about future contact than he once was, and I very much think it's great that you are making plans for your future. I'm glad you feel like you can be here for support.
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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 01:00 PM
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Sad and abrupt ending but it sounds like the last session went quite well and it's good that he did not leave you with cutting off every option. As for participating on this forum, I have not been in therapy for quite a long time now and I still like to come here for all the interesting discussions and a bit of distraction I like your posts and the often unusual views and perspectives you tend to embody and the way you do not submit to unfair criticism - these are some reasons why I often respond on your threads. I am sure people would be interested in hearing how you are processing the end of your therapy and dealing with life in general. What I personally would not not do is using your mother as support if she has an extensive history of narcissistic type behavior toward you... but it may just be my preference.
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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 01:07 PM
  #17
I'm sorry your therapy had to come to an end but I'm glad the ending went well and that there is a chance in the future for connection. I too like Xynesthesia would be interested in hearing how you process the end of your therapy.
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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 01:42 PM
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Was it hard for you do get through the 2 years? I probably could have mailed stuff to him during this time too but he is not gonna be a T anymore so that is an option I don't have Although he told me that in those cases, he wouldn't reply anyway.

Did you guys ever meet up or anything after or just the emails? I'm not sure what I will want in 2 years but like I said, he's so good about it. He really is. I even mentioned when we were laughing during our game that "See? in 2 years or so if we meet again, we can meet up and play this again" and he was like "yes! sure." So that was hopeful and he "liked" my dogs page on Facebook at my request so he can know if he passes away, which weirdly gives me comfort.

I hope he wont forget me... the weird thing is, I was his last client... at that company and potentially forever if he never goes back to therapy which is sounds like he has no interest in doing.

Also, thanks for the kind words. I've had many times where I felt unwanted or welcome here, but I've also met some nice people here, so I still stick around.
Thing is, I don’t believe I understood about the two year rule when I stopped seeing her. I had to move several states away and I just felt I’d never see her again..and that was that. Yes, it was hard for me. She became my T during the time I was in an exploitative relationship with a psychiatrist. It was a turbulent time. I felt like she saved my life, and she probably did.

So, I was very attached and grateful and all that. It helped for me to mail and tell her how my family and I were doing. I don’t remember how or when we decided we could email each other but it was much later.

She told me one of her reservations about continuing contact was she didn’t want my contacting her to interfere with my finding another therapist in person. But I finally found a new T, so that helped in my case. I’ve told T all about PrevT and T is fine with my connection with PrevT.

T is helping me grieve the loss....and sometimes I use my current therapy to reevaluate things that happened during my time with PrevT. You might be surprised how time and distance can help you look at relationships with a different perspective.

We did meet up again one more time. My family traveled back to that state briefly due to family issues and I was able to see her for an hour, I think, in her office. There was one other time I thought about trying to meet with her again but she discouraged it.

Nowadays, we email and if something huge happens in my life PrevT allows me to phone her. I phone her less and less often now.

These therapeutic relationships can hold a unique intimacy for therapist and client that’s rarely found in other relationships.

I don’t think he will forget you.
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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 02:28 PM
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Sad and abrupt ending but it sounds like the last session went quite well and it's good that he did not leave you with cutting off every option. As for participating on this forum, I have not been in therapy for quite a long time now and I still like to come here for all the interesting discussions and a bit of distraction I like your posts and the often unusual views and perspectives you tend to embody and the way you do not submit to unfair criticism - these are some reasons why I often respond on your threads. I am sure people would be interested in hearing how you are processing the end of your therapy and dealing with life in general. What I personally would not not do is using your mother as support if she has an extensive history of narcissistic type behavior toward you... but it may just be my preference.
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I'm sorry your therapy had to come to an end but I'm glad the ending went well and that there is a chance in the future for connection. I too like Xynesthesia would be interested in hearing how you process the end of your therapy.
Thanks you guys. Very kind words from you

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I don’t think he will forget you.
I hope not. He has a crap memory but he has a few things I gave him and he says he will keep them. Plus I was his last client, and if he never returns to the field, the last ever. That has to be memorable.

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Default Dec 14, 2018 at 02:29 PM
  #20
I am doing ok, but suddenly got really sad. I think knowing his phone is gone now, and I have to delete him from my phone. Knowing he sent his last text to me and it was just meh.

I am sad thinking about his co workers getting to spend the day with him on his last day. It's sunny and warm and I wish so bad we could walk today. So it's getting tough.

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