advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-13-2018, 10:56 AM   #1
MoxieDoxie
Magnate
 
MoxieDoxie's Avatar
MoxieDoxie trust is a myth and caring is a painful lie
 
Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,351
5 yr Member
336 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Trig So now that you decided to live what has been so great about it?

So I did say that to T a couple of weeks ago. I did not die from my suicide attempt many years ago and even though I have been suicidal and wanted to still die all this time there has been nothing great that has happened for me to stick around for. You hear things like "Why don't you hang around you never know what life might bring you or what will happen." So I decided to live and stick around. Well my outlook on life has not changed. I hate it every single day I wake up. Oh I have done a lot over the years but I still do not have any joy over being alive. If a bus hit me tomorrow I would be thankful.

I am suppose to be grateful for what I have. I am in a way. I am grateful I am not homeless but if I was I would definitely off myself.

He had nothing to say about all that. Sorry but no amount of medications is going to change how I feel. I have always felt this way all my life. Is this how everyone else feels or is it just me?
__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.

Last edited by FooZe; 12-13-2018 at 06:29 PM.. Reason: added trigger icon
MoxieDoxie is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 12-13-2018, 11:22 AM   #2
piggy momma
Poohbah
 
piggy momma's Avatar
piggy momma loves all pigs. ALL. THE. PIGS.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,073 (SuperPoster!)
70 hugs
given
Default Re: So now that you decided to live what has been so great about it?

I used to feel that way. Even as recently as eight months ago when I was hospitalized for my suicide attempt. Then I decided that if I was going to be stuck on this earth, I needed something worth sticking around for that made things meaningful.

I've been working on this in therapy. I have found that I absolutely love school. I don't have any great goals once I'm done my degree, but I love the learning process. I wake up so excited to go to school each day.

I am working on developing relationships, even just friendships. I've learned that I NEED other people in my life to be happy.

I changed from a job that was sucking the life out of me to a different one that invigorates me and makes me happy.

I've had to make a lot of changes, some of them not easy, in order to find reasons to enjoy life. But I'm slowly learning they do exist. I have to either find them, or create them.
piggy momma is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-13-2018, 11:27 AM   #3
MoxieDoxie
Magnate
 
MoxieDoxie's Avatar
MoxieDoxie trust is a myth and caring is a painful lie
 
Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,351
5 yr Member
336 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: So now that you decided to live what has been so great about it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by piggy momma View Post
I used to feel that way. Even as recently as eight months ago when I was hospitalized for my suicide attempt. Then I decided that if I was going to be stuck on this earth, I needed something worth sticking around for that made things meaningful.

I've been working on this in therapy. I have found that I absolutely love school. I don't have any great goals once I'm done my degree, but I love the learning process. I wake up so excited to go to school each day.

I am working on developing relationships, even just friendships. I've learned that I NEED other people in my life to be happy.

I changed from a job that was sucking the life out of me to a different one that invigorates me and makes me happy.

I've had to make a lot of changes, some of them not easy, in order to find reasons to enjoy life. But I'm slowly learning they do exist. I have to either find them, or create them.
I just finished a year of school. Massage Therapy and passed my license exam. I thought that was going to be the thing that changed my outlook on life. I loved going to school every weekend and I probably could be a professional student going from one certification to another but you know I have to make money from it. I can not afford to stop working and go back to college for something I probably won't even succeed at and at 52 I do not even know what I would go to college for. If I picked something I doubt I would complete it as I would change my mind a few months down the road. I was horrible at college anyway. I went for 4 different things and never completed anyone of them.
__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
MoxieDoxie is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 12-13-2018, 11:28 AM   #4
Anonymous59356
Guest
Anonymous59356 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: So now that you decided to live what has been so great about it?

Who says you have to be Grateful?
Who says life has, to be enjoyed solely on reflection of material gain.
You are obviously still here. As am I.
Why? Because life isn't **** 100% of 100% of the time.
It just feels like that.
That's the scary part.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 12-13-2018, 11:29 AM   #5
MoxieDoxie
Magnate
 
MoxieDoxie's Avatar
MoxieDoxie trust is a myth and caring is a painful lie
 
Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,351
5 yr Member
336 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: So now that you decided to live what has been so great about it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessica11 View Post
Who says you have to be Grateful?
Who says life has, to be enjoyed solely on reflection of material gain.
You are obviously still here. As am I.
Why? Because life isn't **** 100% of 100% of the time.
It just feels like that.
That's the scary part.
I do not understand this.
__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
MoxieDoxie is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 12-13-2018, 11:51 AM   #6
Ididitmyway
Magnate
 
Ididitmyway's Avatar
Ididitmyway has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,071
8 yr Member
128 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: So now that you decided to live what has been so great about it?

Yes, the feeling has been the same for most of my life. The reasons might be slightly different, but I won't go into that.
__________________
www.therapyconsumerguide.com

Bernie Sanders/Tulsi Gabbard 2020
Ididitmyway is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 12-13-2018, 11:53 AM   #7
MoxieDoxie
Magnate
 
MoxieDoxie's Avatar
MoxieDoxie trust is a myth and caring is a painful lie
 
Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,351
5 yr Member
336 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: So now that you decided to live what has been so great about it?

I would try medication but fear being fat and no one will hire a fat personal trainer. I alreay just look at food and gain weight. I can hide hating life but I can't hide fat. Feeling like this is soo tiring.
__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
MoxieDoxie is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 12-13-2018, 12:06 PM   #8
unaluna
Elder Harridan x-hankster
 
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna - Hail, Max's Melania!
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 31,382 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
43.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: So now that you decided to live what has been so great about it?

Life is worth living for those gorgeous days when the air is so fresh and sweet.

Roses, pineapples, and Cap'n Crunch are proof that god exists.
unaluna is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-13-2018, 12:20 PM   #9
seeker33
Poohbah
 
seeker33's Avatar
seeker33 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,099
1 yr Member
1,299 hugs
given
Default Re: So now that you decided to live what has been so great about it?

I'm sorry you feel this way Moxie I too wouldn't mind if I died tomorrow.
Could you maybe see some meaning in helping your clients? I mean making their lives better, helping them get healthier? Could that be something you're proud of?
__________________
Complex trauma
Highly sensitive person

I love nature, simplicity and minimalism
seeker33 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-13-2018, 12:37 PM   #10
Elio
...............
Elio is not home, please leave a message at the beep.... ... ... ...
 
Member Since: Sep 2006
Location: in my head
Posts: 2,519
10 yr Member
7,685 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: So now that you decided to live what has been so great about it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie View Post
I would try medication but fear being fat and no one will hire a fat personal trainer. I alreay just look at food and gain weight. I can hide hating life but I can't hide fat. Feeling like this is soo tiring.
Not all medications result in weight gain. Welbutrin is one that is known not to cause weight gain as a general rule.

As far as have some thought/desires towards not being alive; yes, most my life has been like this or feeling like I'm just going through the motions with the question of why can't I just die; there's lots of other people that want to live, can't I take their place. I also used to have vivid images of ways I could die.

Sometime over this last year, that has changed. I'm not happy to be alive, I don't seem to be thinking of death as much or the same. I rarely have the vivid passive death wish images. At times I do miss them, other times I don't. It's been strange to realize that I don't remember the last time I had one or when I have the though it is more a thought and not filled with the graphical images I used to have.

What has been great about it? I'm not sure. What holds promise that I might find something good about it is that things are changing for me. I think I'd settle with something that is good, not sure I need something great.
Elio is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:06 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.