T is pregnant

ScarletPimpernel · Dec 27, 2018 at 01:06 AM

Cried some more and now have made myself physically ill. I basically threw up my entire stomach content (I rarely if ever throw up). My head still hurts and so does my chest. I took an Ativan, but I probably threw that up too.

Amyjay · Dec 27, 2018 at 04:17 AM

Just ride this part out, it probably won't be this intense for too long. The initially shock threw me in to a

Possible trigger:

suicidal spin

for about 3-4 days. After that it slowly settled down - it wasn't good, but it was no longer totally destabilizing.
Your mind and body are reacting. Just ride this bit out. This is the "amygdala is in full alert" and "temporal lobes are down" stage. Hang in there for a bit, your physiology will return to your current baseline in a few days and you'll be able to process the news a bit better.

ScarletPimpernel · Dec 27, 2018 at 04:35 AM

A little bit of sleep helped. I was able to eat some, so that's good. H came home, and he's been nice. I feel a little more stable. Called T, so I'll hear from her tomorrow.

I don't want to go through this. Even if I can, I don't want to. I've been abandoned so many times. I've been homeless. I just am tired of it all. I'm tired of fighting. And I'm tired of my borderline bs. I wish I could have normal healthy relationships, but I don't know how to have friends. I understand counselors and therapists. I understand how my family works. And then there's H. But everyone else is a mystery to me. I just want my T. That's all.

ScarletPimpernel · Dec 27, 2018 at 04:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Oh no, I'm so sorry , Scarlet. I've been through this. It's awful and triggers every single abandonment trigger you could possibly have. HANG IN THERE! These feelings are going to pass!!
My T went on maternity leave over a year ago and hasn't returned yet.

I am doing okay with the T I transferred to though, so its okay now, but it was SO. HARD. in the beginning. I was genuinely happy for my T and genuinely devastated for me.

What I did to make it easier was see my new T while I was still seeing T. I visited new T for 15 minutes at a time at first and then worked up to alternating weeks between them. I didn't really want to do that but I knew I had to create that safety net for myself because I wasn't coping with the change.

You have time to work on your safety net. Do your best to create a strong one. 6 month will go by so fast, while at the same time feeling like forever. Just plug up those gaps with a stop gap T to tide you over the rough times.

You can do this. You can support yourself through this. I know how devastating it feels. But you can find ways to carry yourself through that devastation. It probably isn't going to feel good, but you can make it "good enough" to carry you through. You just have to survive this period of time. Anything else you may get out of it is a bonus. But you can make it good enough to get you to the other side.

I don't know if I can afford 2 Ts at once. T said she is willing to do a session with the new T. The lady on the crisis line said it might be a good idea to do a co-session after T gets back too so she understands what I went through.

I can't believe your T hasn't come back yet. If my T did that, I would definitely consider that abandonment. I'm sorry you went through this too.

ScarletPimpernel · Dec 27, 2018 at 05:20 AM

I think my T might be trying to get rid of me. Pawn me off to another T. Yes, she's never given me any reason to doubt her, but my past dictates that it will happen. Right before ex-T left me, ex-Pdoc went on maternity leave and I got pawned off to county. It seems like it's happening all over again.

I just don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired of struggling.

SalingerEsme · Dec 27, 2018 at 05:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Nope. No contact for at least 6 months. No phone calls, texts, emails, nothing. She starts maternity leave in April.

Scarlet, I am so so sorry. This is so unfair, especially given what you've been struggling with. Your T must know that it is going to be triggering and desolating for you to hear this? Given everything, maybe this is a time to find proactively a new T or to try out a few different styles of therapist, so at least you have the option not to face the baby stuff? I am so sorry. That is really a hard one. I doubt she wants to get rid of you, but she is going to be baby-absorbed maybe. I found a T2 last year during a really stressful impasse with my adored T. We resolved it, but I kept T2 , a sweet, easy, supportive, love bomb T so much different from my strict main one. I find comfort in t2, even though I don't do the same level of work.

growlycat · Dec 27, 2018 at 07:54 AM

This sounds so hard Scarlet. Maybe just remember that you have built new relationships with therapists so you are capable of doing it again. Every time I’ve had to switch therapists I get something new out of the new relationship. Everyone has something different to offer. I hope you can see someone else while she is on maternity leave.

Anne2.0 · Dec 27, 2018 at 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I think my T might be trying to get rid of me. Pawn me off to another T. Yes, she's never given me any reason to doubt her, but my past dictates that it will happen.

I am sorry that this struggle is so difficult. I really don't think that your T became pregnant and is going on maternity leave just so she can get rid of you. It is not uncommon for women to take that kind of maternity leave, a leave from work, where they don't actually work.

It's what she wants and needs for herself and her family; it is definitely not about you.

I'd second the recommendation to look for another T to take over when she's on leave. When my T was on medical leave a few years ago (5 months), I saw someone else in his office. It was helpful to have the support, but I didn't always need it. But it seems a good plan to have support if you do.

ArtleyWilkins · Dec 27, 2018 at 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I think my T might be trying to get rid of me. Pawn me off to another T. Yes, she's never given me any reason to doubt her, but my past dictates that it will happen. Right before ex-T left me, ex-Pdoc went on maternity leave and I got pawned off to county. It seems like it's happening all over again.

I just don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired of struggling.

I'm sorry this is so difficult, but basically what you are saying here is that your T got pregnant as an excuse to get rid of you. You know that doesn't make sense. One thing you have to do here is double check your thinking; this one doesn't pan out as based in any kind of reality.

ScarletPimpernel · Dec 27, 2018 at 11:28 AM

I don't think that my T getting pregnant has anything to do with me. I do, however, think she might use the opportunity to leave me.

ScarletPimpernel · Dec 27, 2018 at 12:18 PM

Just talked to Pdoc and T this morning. Pdoc is increasing my meds some more. T didn't reassure me that she wasn't abandoning me, but told me it's a different situation and different people than last time. She also told me that there's nothing I can do right now, this week, this month, so why torture myself. She said tonight will be better than last night, and that I need to re-read my homework where I disprove thoughts.

SlumberKitty · Dec 27, 2018 at 12:27 PM

Scarlet, so sorry you are going through this. HUGS Kit

Taylor27 · Dec 27, 2018 at 12:36 PM

Waterloo12345 · Dec 27, 2018 at 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Just talked to Pdoc and T this morning. Pdoc is increasing my meds some more. T didn't reassure me that she wasn't abandoning me, but told me it's a different situation and different people than last time. She also told me that there's nothing I can do right now, this week, this month, so why torture myself. She said tonight will be better than last night, and that I need to re-read my homework where I disprove thoughts.

I'm so so sorry you're going through this. It's so hard when my t just goes off on holiday. I'm not that impressed by what she told you though? I understand why she can't promise non abandonment, as anything might happen to take it out of her control, but the rest...?!

I read that thinking, have you ever been in an emotional abandonment flashback - cause it doesn't respond to logic, homework and who gives a **** that it might be better in the future, I'm living it now and do you know how long a second is???

But that said they do eventually respond to management strategies- have you seen Pete walkers suggestions for management? It's been a v v v long slow hard road for me but I am.making baby steps so sending you strength vibes.

peacelizard · Dec 27, 2018 at 02:43 PM

What about a cold compress or ice pack? Maybe a warm beverage like tea or hot chocolate?

LonesomeTonight · Dec 27, 2018 at 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I don't think that my T getting pregnant has anything to do with me. I do, however, think she might use the opportunity to leave me.

It's possible she could opt to leave her job, but I don't think it's about leaving *you* in particular. That said, I'm sure I'd be having a very similar reaction to you and similar fears...

ScarletPimpernel · Dec 27, 2018 at 03:48 PM

I promised her that I wouldn't look her up anymore, so it's been several months, but last I looked at her psychology today page, she no longer lists BPD. So I feel like I'm a burden to her. Especially lately since I've had to call her almost daily due to my SH and SUI thoughts. And she made a big deal about a guy T who enjoys work with people who have BPD. On top of that, her not reassuring me scares me.

88Butterfly88 · Dec 27, 2018 at 03:53 PM

Hang in there.

Waterloo12345 · Dec 27, 2018 at 04:00 PM

It's horrid isn't it. My doctor (lots of positive transference) just told me yesterday that he's changing role and I need to get another doc for some reason that intellectually sounds fine but all I feel is that you're ditching me cause I trouble you to much and so you're abandoning me.

He's said in terms 'I am not abandoning you' and other things (as I questioned him on it) but I don't hear those or process them.

All I've got in my body is either not thinking at all or thinking he hates me, I am a pain, he's using this new role as a way to get rid of me.

So, a long winded way to say, I feel you, it's crap, it's scary and big hugs.

Sorry but edit to add what we feel.is not reality but a big horrible emotional flashback so I take comfort from that
Hugs

ScarletPimpernel · Dec 27, 2018 at 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Waterloo12345

It's horrid isn't it. My doctor (lots of positive transference) just told me yesterday that he's changing role and I need to get another doc for some reason that intellectually sounds fine but all I feel is that you're ditching me cause I trouble you to much and so you're abandoning me.

He's said in terms 'I am not abandoning you' and other things (as I questioned him on it) but I don't hear those or process them.

All I've got in my body is either not thinking at all or thinking he hates me, I am a pain, he's using this new role as a way to get rid of me.

So, a long winded way to say, I feel you, it's crap, it's scary and big hugs.

Sorry but edit to add what we feel.is not reality but a big horrible emotional flashback so I take comfort from that
Hugs

I'm sorry you're going through something similar too. It sucks. My ex-T, when terminating with me, also said she's not abandoning me. She said: "If I don't leave you, I'd be abandoning you"?!?!

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ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,405 (SuperPoster!) 10 6,399 hugs given	Dec 27, 2018 at 01:06 AM #21 Cried some more and now have made myself physically ill. I basically threw up my entire stomach content (I rarely if ever throw up). My head still hurts and so does my chest. I took an Ativan, but I probably threw that up too. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
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growlycat Therapy Ninja Member Since Jan 2007 Location: How did I get here? Posts: 10,308 17 16.1k hugs given	Dec 27, 2018 at 07:54 AM #27 This sounds so hard Scarlet. Maybe just remember that you have built new relationships with therapists so you are capable of doing it again. Every time I’ve had to switch therapists I get something new out of the new relationship. Everyone has something different to offer. I hope you can see someone else while she is on maternity leave.
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ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,405 (SuperPoster!) 10 6,399 hugs given	Dec 27, 2018 at 11:28 AM #30 I don't think that my T getting pregnant has anything to do with me. I do, however, think she might use the opportunity to leave me. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Dec 27, 2018 at 12:27 PM #32 Scarlet, so sorry you are going through this. HUGS Kit
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Taylor27 healing from trauma Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Alberta Posts: 30,425 (SuperPoster!) 6 24.3k hugs given	Dec 27, 2018 at 12:36 PM #33
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peacelizard Member Member Since Oct 2014 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 257 9	Dec 27, 2018 at 02:43 PM #35 What about a cold compress or ice pack? Maybe a warm beverage like tea or hot chocolate?
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88Butterfly88 Moderator Community Support Team Member Since Dec 2015 Location: New Jersey Posts: 54,190 (SuperPoster!) 8 10.5k hugs given	Dec 27, 2018 at 03:53 PM #38 Hang in there.
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