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Old 01-04-2019, 03:07 AM #11
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

My T does both psychodynamic and CBT. He seems to be reading books on pretty much all modalities though, he knows lots about for example DBT and can work with those things if needed. So maybe if you interview somebody ask them what they know about modalities other than those that they list as their primary ones? I like to have a mixture of different approaches since the T can adapt to what I need in a certain moment.

Having BPD myself, I'd personally bring it up since it affects me a lot. You said the primary focus would be dealing with losing your T, so you will probably have to bring up your attachment. Of course you can also say you don't want to attach to the new T, even though one might argue that you can't just decide that.

Regarding outside contact: plenty of Ts offer that without being trained in DBT specifically. Pure DBT outside contact is somewhat weird as far as I remember. I think I read somewhere that it's for example if you self harm, then it's okay to reach out at any time before you do it, but not after you've done it. So maybe it might be a good idea to ask things like when is it okay to reach out, how often, how fast can you get a reaction, and so on.

Regarding hugs: if you think that'd be something you'd absolutely need in case you get attached, I'd ask. It doesn't hurt if you ask but then don't need it. But if you're suddenly attached to someone who doesn't allow it and it's important to you, that might be a problem. But maybe it would also be good to learn that you can be attached and feel safe without hugs?

I don't think you can decide whether or not you'll get attached to somebody. To me it doesn't sound too bad to be attached to two people though. It might distribute the intense feelings more onto two people instead of one? I don't know whether it would be like that of course, but I certainly don't think it would only be a bad thing to be attached.

Regarding gender, I think go with whatever you feel more comfortable with. My previous experience was always that I fell in love with men who listened to me, but I do not feel attracted one bit to my T. There's also some transference with him that I'm pretty sure comes from my mom, so I think that could happen with both genders too. Maybe don't focus on the gender too much at first and try to find somebody who matches your other needs?

In case a T doesn't specialize in DBT, I think it'd be good to ask whether they've worked with BPD before. I'd also mention what you're there for, what you're looking for and then ask what their general approach would be.
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Old 01-04-2019, 04:27 AM #12
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

I don't think that you will have much conscious control over whether you develop attachment bonds to a therapist.
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Old 01-04-2019, 04:58 AM #13
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

Relational Psychodynamic is what I think. I would definitely not give them a label of any kind about yourself, and tell your story afresh without self- judgment. Maybe someone who doesn't add trigger to the situation accidentally - no babies at home , maybe a different demographic?
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Old 01-04-2019, 05:16 AM #14
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

Personally, I'd suggest letting things flow as naturally as possible and, if it's easier and you're comfortable with it, maybe you could sign a release to have your current therapist talk to this new one.

What about interpersonal?
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Old 01-04-2019, 08:51 AM #15
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

Thank you so much for your advice and opinions. It really does help.

I know I can't control whether or not I get attached. I just don't want to. I actually hated current T in the beginning of our relationship because I never felt like she listened to me, and part of me still was hanging onto ex-T. T kept good clear boundaries, which also slowed how fast I got attached. But in the end, I did get attached. She fit the description of the type of person that I attach to, so it's not really a surprise. But if I'm going to attach to someone new, I'm going to feel like I'm cheating on my T. I know logically, she prefers me to attach to someone else as well as her. She also told me to give the T a chance even if I hate them at first.

I don't want to switch part-time Ts while T is gone. I want T's blessings for part-time T. I think that would make me more comf with part-time T.

I will be signing a release for the two Ts to talk. I want them to be on the same page. I always sign a release for my T with Pdocs, doctors, and Ts. I also have to if I want a dual session with them.

T has a male T in mind. She's never actually met him, but has heard good things about him from an office mate of his. She says he enjoys working with BPD. I'm going to try him out first. Then my pcp gave me a name of a T who works with a lot of her clients. And worst case, I turn to psychology today. But I don't have a lot of money, so I don't have the luxury of trying out a lot of Ts who don't accept my insurance.
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Old 01-04-2019, 12:00 PM #16
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

It's good your T has a suggestion for you. She knows you and she knows of this other T. I think that is a great place to start. Kit
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Old 01-04-2019, 10:15 PM #17
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

Okay. T gave me possible T's website. He's young! Graduated in 2016. I looked him up on psychology today and he does list borderline personality disorder. His modalities are CBT, DBT, psychodynamic and psychoanalytic. He says his age range that he likes to work with is teens, 20's, and 30's. I'm 36. I wonder if he'll consider me too old? And I'm afraid that because he is young, maybe he'll consider me an experiment? Practice for him? I need someone stable, secure, good but not severe boundaries.

I'm so scared! I don't want to do this! I just want my T!!!!!

But I did fill out an email to the guy. I would post it here, but their site wouldn't let me scroll to see all I wrote. Now I have to wait all weekend for a response.
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Old 01-04-2019, 10:34 PM #18
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

Found his FB page. He's married and has a golden doodle. And supposedly has 4 degrees? Wife looks to be a nurse. No kids yet. His profile is locked down except for 1 picture, but his wife's isn't and has a ton of pictures.
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Old 01-05-2019, 06:38 AM #19
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel View Post
Found his FB page. He's married and has a golden doodle. And supposedly has 4 degrees? Wife looks to be a nurse. No kids yet. His profile is locked down except for 1 picture, but his wife's isn't and has a ton of pictures.

Sounds like you are off to an excellent start already ...
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Old 01-05-2019, 07:17 AM #20
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel View Post
Okay. T gave me possible T's website. He's young! Graduated in 2016. I looked him up on psychology today and he does list borderline personality disorder. His modalities are CBT, DBT, psychodynamic and psychoanalytic. He says his age range that he likes to work with is teens, 20's, and 30's. I'm 36. I wonder if he'll consider me too old? And I'm afraid that because he is young, maybe he'll consider me an experiment? Practice for him? I need someone stable, secure, good but not severe boundaries.

I'm so scared! I don't want to do this! I just want my T!!!!!

But I did fill out an email to the guy. I would post it here, but their site wouldn't let me scroll to see all I wrote. Now I have to wait all weekend for a response.
I wouldn't necessarily worry about the age range he said he prefers to work with. My T's website mentions teens and young adults (plus couples), and when I emailed him from Psychology Today, I asked if he also worked with "not-so-young adults." He replied and said that he does. And ex-MC specialized in teens, but worked with adults of various ages (his client before us looked to be an elderly woman) and obviously married couples.

If he has 4 degrees and got his psychology degree (a PhD maybe?) in 2016, he might not actually be that young. Also, it's possible he's been working in psychology longer than that (besides his training)--like my T first got a master's in psychology and did some work related to that (not in private practice, but like at a psych hospital, I think) and then later got his PhD and started working in private practice after that. He's 7 years older than me (I'm 41) and I'm finding I like working with someone closer to my age (ex-T was like 30 years older).

If he is pretty new to the field, he could be more up on the latest treatment methods and theories and more enthusiastic about his job (not that T's who have been in practice a long time aren't!), which could be good. I hope he works out! And I wonder if maybe you'd feel less guilty if you got attached to him, because he's a different gender than your T?
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