Questions for new part-time T

How is it okay for me to be attached to two people at the same time who share the same role? Especially when the rules state you can't have 2 individual Ts at the same time. I'm going to have to choose between the two, and that's not fair to me. And I so know I'm going to get attached to L. I'm already rereading her emails a bunch of times, and I have the urge to email her again.

The way I see it, your T is OK with you attaching to L during the time that she is unable to be your primary T. So, you have her 'blessing', if you like, to attach to L during the period of your regular T's maternity leave. It may be helpful to view L as an interim care provider, to whom you can attach for now. That attachment is safe, and will be there to allow her to work with you during the times that regular T is away, or unavailable.

But if I attach to L, how am I supposed to choose between the two?

Are you sure you have to choose? Maybe in your case more sources of support would work well and I have understod your T has even told you you need more people to depend on, not just her? Maybe that is something you could ask both your T's next session, she might not be against it at all, whatever the rule is. You do worry about lots of things, maybe taking one day worrywise at a time could be something to aim for. We have no way of knowing for certain how things turn out in months. Maybe then you want to choose one or another. Your situation actually sounds really good - you found an interim T you seem to like a lot. How could it get any better now? I'm happy you found a great T to work with.

T is your regular T...if you attach to L, then it will be helpful to know that there is attachment there so that you feel safe with her when T is unavailable.

I wish I could talk to T, but I don't see her again until the 28th I wish I could understand her perspective. I can see both of your examples make sense. I guess it's October that I'm worrying about.

I have found it helpful to stop thinking three steps ahead of myself, trying to predict the future, and focus on the present and/or the next step. You can't plan for October. I'm not even sure you can plan for beyond April.

Sure, there are general guidelines of therapy, but good therapists can allow for flexibility based on the needs of the client. For example, there is a "rule" of therapy that everything needs to stay in the room and outside contact is inappropriate because it breaks the frame. But many therapists -- yours and mine included -- have chosen not to follow that rule with clients who benefit from being able to contact them between sessions. Since your T's situation is changing in a way that is disruptive to you, she is again being flexible about suggesting you see (and attach to) somebody else. That seems like the fair and reasonable thing to do to encourage you to get the support you need. You would be much worse off if she somehow tried to prevent you from getting therapy just because she decided to have a baby. That wouldn't be very fair to you.

I also think you can't know how you'll feel and what the situation will be like in October. I can't tell you how many times I have worried about some imagined stressor way off in the future and then discovered that it wasn't worth worrying about because of some unforeseen circumstance. I know that's easier said than done, but I do think it's worth taking things one day or one week at a time until it all feels less overwhelming.

I did email L last night. I probably shouldn't have. She confirmed that she thinks it's a good thing if I get attached. I told her my fears and she said it's understandable. But she directed me back to T. She said she'll talk with T, and we'll all figure out what type of contact will be best for me from now until April.