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Big Poppa
Member Since Oct 2011
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#1
Is it possible that both the therapist and the patient do the right thing, are neither of them seriously crazy, yet the therapeutic relationship fails?
__________________ Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
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growlycat, unaluna
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Fuzzybear
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Grand Member
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#2
I think so, if there's a personality mismatch.
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CantExplain, growlycat, may24
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Threadtastic Postaholic
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#3
Well then it wouldnt be the right thing because it didnt work.
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CantExplain
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2018
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#4
Yeah. For example when the therapist and client just aren't compatible.
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CantExplain
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Grand Magnate
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#5
Of course, just like any relationship. I think some relationships get so broken, like a shattered vase on the floor, that the sheer effort of thinking about repairing it is too overwhelming, or you just have to acknowledge it is so broken that all you can do is acknowledge the pieces on the floor. I'm not sure the word "failure" hits the right place for this in the context of therapy.
I do wonder in therapy, though, what the definition of failure is. Or what all the possibilities are. Because I'm not sure that a decision by one or both parties that there is nothing to be worked on is a failure as opposed to the therapy has gone as far as it possibly can. Perhaps the client needs to move forward with someone else or maybe they are done with therapy, "fixed" or not. In the case of a rupture that couldn't be repaired, I think I would ask myself the question of whether I had done everything I could to be open to the future of a relationship. For me the key would be openness, in the sense that I would ask myself if I were willing to be open to discussion without borders, to accept that the rupture happened and it wasn't completely repairable. If I still had a desire or a curiosity to see what the relationship might be like despite a sort of psychological trap door I didn't want to fall through (something that feels like a big risk to me), I would be willing to try to continue. But choosing not to continue a therapeutic relationship is not a failure to me, to the client at least. I'm not sure if I would label it as the therapist's or therapy's failure either. I don't think the paradigm of failure necessarily applies in therapy at all, even when success does. |
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CantExplain, unaluna
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Wisest Elder Ever
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#6
I think so sometimes.. If they are not compatible.
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CantExplain
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Magnet
Member Since Jun 2017
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#7
I imagine it's like any other kind of relationship in that regard. Sometimes it's just not right.
__________________ Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by accidents of time, or place, or circumstance, are brought into closer connection with you. (St. Augustine) |
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CantExplain
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Magnate
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#8
I'd say so if we talk about personal relationships when people are, sometimes, made of such different materials that it's incompatible.
I don't see therapy failure as a relationship failure. If the therapist is not a good match, that should be obvious from the beginning and you just wouldn't stay with them. But if the work went on for some time and there was progress and then the progress stopped, then, to me, it means that the therapist came to their natural limitations and it's time to close this chapter and to move on to something different. |
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CantExplain
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Account Suspended
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: Tainan, Taiwan
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#9
incompatible relationships always fail no matter how much you want to succeed
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CantExplain
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Therapy Ninja
Member Since Jan 2007
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#10
I once had a t I thought I was “compatable enough” with. But the difference between what I needed and what he was willing to do was too great of a chasm. Therapy failed in that case
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CantExplain
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#11
I think the fallacy is there in the statement of the problem - that there IS a "right" thing. You didnt say "right things" plural, it was singular. There is no singular right thing. That kind of thinking will kill any relationship, or thread...
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Rive.
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Therapy Ninja
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#12
There could be a “right thing” for oneself vs a “right thing” for the therapist. Those two things could be at odds
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Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, stopdog, unaluna
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#13
Im saying, the concept of knowing or claiming there EXISTS a right thing is faulty to begin with. Its saying, "you must", not "can we?" It doesnt look for a compromise.
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atisketatasket, growlycat
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underdog is here
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#14
The therapist is not always in a we situation. And I believe in clients knowing the right thing for themselves
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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growlycat, SalingerEsme
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Grand Magnate
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#15
I had a T I worked with for 4 years and HATED her. I was giving what little I had and getting nowhere. She was giving 110% of what she had and even took extra trainings and things to try and make it work. Eventually we terminated and I started working with someone else. Then sold T and I started running into eachother at church. We had known we both attended the same church but it was big enough we never ran into eachother. She has been an amaizing mentor and friend for over 20 years now! Last time we were together we were talking about old times... and I realized and shared with her... that if we could magically go back to her old office (she had since retired) I would still hate her and mistrust her as much as ever. I just could not connect with her as a therapist... even though she means the world to me years later as a friend. And, yes, we both agree that it is strange but neither of us did anything wrong.
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CantExplain
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Magnet
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#16
I think there are two ways of looking at "right."
Doing things the right/correct vs wrong/incorrect way, with a right way necessarily creating a contrasting wrong way is one way to frame people doing the right thing. And there's two people doing the best they can with what they've got, neither doing anything wrong, but it's just not a fit. Like trying to put together pieces from two different puzzles. There's nothing inherently wrong with either puzzle piece. They are each right for their puzzle, but just don't fit together. __________________ Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by accidents of time, or place, or circumstance, are brought into closer connection with you. (St. Augustine) |
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unaluna
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Big Poppa
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#17
Is that hostility I can smell?
__________________ Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#18
Not at all! Its just the idea of "right" going up in smoke!
Eta - thats the ts job, to teach us to stop saying "i know im right, do it my way" to your partner. I.e., to stop being an ahole. Unfortunately, to do it, THEY kinda hafta be an ahole... JK! |
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underdog is here
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#19
I don't see that as being the job of the therapist. I suppose someone might hire a therapist for that, but certainly it is not universal
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#20
Yeah, i was speaking more in the context of the presenting question of the thread?
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