Couch 187: Dry Cheerios

unaluna · Jan 13, 2019 at 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

When I was irritated with R, I messaged another T asking for an appointment. He said he would get back to me on tuesday to confirm thursday's 9.30am slot.

I feel like i'm doing something wrong.

Can you think of things you would like to talk about? Like what prompted you to call? Whether you get or take the appointment or not, the reason, the FEEEEEELING is really the thing that exists and needs to processed by you?

Lemoncake · Jan 13, 2019 at 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

YouTube

It's not much but it's home.

Lemoncake · Jan 13, 2019 at 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Can you think of things you would like to talk about? Like what prompted you to call? Whether you get or take the appointment or not, the reason, the FEEEEEELING is really the thing that exists and needs to processed by you?

I don't want to be so hopelessly dependent on R. It brings up a lot of shame for me.

Before R left for his break we made new rules. which were the following and he reminded me that I broke three in the first week:

-weekly sessions
-I pay every week- ( I paid up front for a month which broke rule number 1)
one email per week (I emailed telling him I passed after my Hi email)
-reply within 5 working days
-10 days at holiday time
-face to face sessions only (I hid my face during the video call when I was crying)
-calls permitted for diary purposes
-min two months notice for holidays

I want to move back up to two sessions a week, but I don't think he will agree. I want more support. My next exam is now in 16 days, and it's the biggest out of the three but I'm just feeling incredibly burnt out and low.

DP_2017 · Jan 13, 2019 at 01:58 PM

Lemon

can you get a second T for the additional support?

LonesomeTonight · Jan 13, 2019 at 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I don't want to be so hopelessly dependent on R. It brings up a lot of shame for me.

Before R left for his break we made new rules. which were the following and he reminded me that I broke three in the first week:

-weekly sessions
-I pay every week- ( I paid up front for a month which broke rule number 1)
one email per week (I emailed telling him I passed after my Hi email)
-reply within 5 working days
-10 days at holiday time
-face to face sessions only (I hid my face during the video call when I was crying)
-calls permitted for diary purposes
-min two months notice for holidays

I want to move back up to two sessions a week, but I don't think he will agree. I want more support. My next exam is now in 16 days, and it's the biggest out of the three but I'm just feeling incredibly burnt out and low.

This seems like an excessive number of rules. Did you make them together, or was he the main one making them? I see nothing wrong with trying out another T. It could be that R might not be the right fit for you right now. Or you may do better seeing someone twice a week, and if R isn't willing to do that, maybe you could see both? (I don't know if R would have any rules about that.) But even just to consult with the other T about your therapeutic relationship with R (which is how I initially started with Dr. T, with the intent of consulting for a month or two, as I felt stuck with ex-MC and didn't feel like ex-T was helping). Even if I hadn't stayed with him, the new perspective would have been helpful.

I felt pretty guilty when I made the appointment with current T and told ex-T about it, but she was understanding. And I feel a bit guilty now if I'm upset with Dr. T and am skimming listings on Psychology Today, considering whether to contact anyone (been a couple months since I've done that) but it also helps to see that there are other options out there.

Lemoncake · Jan 13, 2019 at 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Lemon

can you get a second T for the additional support?

That's what I was thinking. It sounds stupid, but the parental transference is stupidly painful. The only thing I'm thinking about is money. I'm trying to save as much as I can for a house deposit, as I really want to get as far away from the house as possible after I graduate. (approx 2 more years to go as I'm on a 6 year course not the normal 5.)

DP_2017 · Jan 13, 2019 at 02:19 PM

Lemon

I hear you there, I'm hoping to move out this year too. Well, I have owned a place, I lived alone for 3 years there, but couldn't afford it anymore so I moved in with my brother, and while it's nice here, I need to distance myself from my family.

Hopefully you will be able to get enough money to move when the time comes

Lemoncake · Jan 13, 2019 at 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

This seems like an excessive number of rules. Did you make them together, or was he the main one making them? I see nothing wrong with trying out another T. It could be that R might not be the right fit for you right now. Or you may do better seeing someone twice a week, and if R isn't willing to do that, maybe you could see both? (I don't know if R would have any rules about that.) But even just to consult with the other T about your therapeutic relationship with R (which is how I initially started with Dr. T, with the intent of consulting for a month or two, as I felt stuck with ex-MC and didn't feel like ex-T was helping). Even if I hadn't stayed with him, the new perspective would have been helpful.

I felt pretty guilty when I made the appointment with current T and told ex-T about it, but she was understanding. And I feel a bit guilty now if I'm upset with Dr. T and am skimming listings on Psychology Today, considering whether to contact anyone (been a couple months since I've done that) but it also helps to see that there are other options out there.

Thank you for posting LT. We did them together. I told him that I feel safer when I had rules because I knew what to expect. The main thing I had trouble with was waiting around for his emails, so I said I'd double the time I gave him to respond from 2 days to 5 and that did ease my anxiety.

New T offers a free intro session so I won't lose anything if we don't click either. But I know I get attached to everything and everyone.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 13, 2019 at 02:29 PM

Wanted to add that switching T's also helped me out of a rut. Even leaving ex-MC out of it, I felt I'd completely plateaued with ex-T. Bring ex-MC back into it, the paternal transference was the toughest part. And I had negative maternal transference for ex-T. I don't really have paternal (or maternal!) transference for Dr. T the majority of the time--some "authority figure" stuff comes out at at times, but I don't have the same "I wish he could have been my dad" or "I wish he could just hold me" (as though I were a child) stuff.

Lemoncake · Jan 13, 2019 at 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Lemon

I hear you there, I'm hoping to move out this year too. Well, I have owned a place, I lived alone for 3 years there, but couldn't afford it anymore so I moved in with my brother, and while it's nice here, I need to distance myself from my family.

Hopefully you will be able to get enough money to move when the time comes

I want to work up north in Scotland, but everything will happen when it happens I guess.

I'm loving the tiny house movement and have watched too many tours on youtube. I don't want anything fancy. I just want a safe place I can decorate myself. (Think the scene from fight club with everything from Ikea).

stopdog · Jan 13, 2019 at 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

Thanks. I'm not having any luck. I love a good quote.

I found it - it is in a book by Sheila Ortiz Taylor - Faultline:
(There has been an entire description of preparing and how to carve beef Wellington)
Malthus believed himself competent to deal with its unique requirements. He sliced carefully crosswise, whereupon the entire pastry wrapping released its tenuous grasp on the roast and hit the floor.

"Malthus" I said, "I am leaving you."

Well I know a symbol when I see one, but Malthus does not. He lives in the prison house of the literal. For a full three weeks he believed his wife of twelve long years left him because he ruined the beef Wellington.

Lemoncake · Jan 13, 2019 at 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Wanted to add that switching T's also helped me out of a rut. Even leaving ex-MC out of it, I felt I'd completely plateaued with ex-T. Bring ex-MC back into it, the paternal transference was the toughest part. And I had negative maternal transference for ex-T. I don't really have paternal (or maternal!) transference for Dr. T the majority of the time--some "authority figure" stuff comes out at at times, but I don't have the same "I wish he could have been my dad" or "I wish he could just hold me" (as though I were a child) stuff.

I think I have every kind of transference possible. It switches between the two, but after coming back from the house after Christmas I just want comfort more than anything.

unaluna · Jan 13, 2019 at 03:01 PM

How would the pastry hit the floor? Were they on a freakin boat?

stopdog · 03:40 PM

And you think I miss the point with you most of the time.

I didn't type out the whole chapter - just what I considered enough to put the part about prison of the literal in context.
I suggest just going and reading the book if you can still find it. I found it enjoyable enough. Not great literature, but a pleasant couple of hours (it is not long). I remember going to bars near the university and listening to her read chapters from it. Packs of baby lesbians drinking beer and listening to her read a book about coming out. Heady stuff at the time - we were still quite illegal.

ArtleyWilkins · Jan 13, 2019 at 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I found it - it is in a book by Sheila Ortiz Taylor - Faultline:
(There has been an entire description of preparing and how to carve beef Wellington)
Malthus believed himself competent to deal with its unique requirements. He sliced carefully crosswise, whereupon the entire pastry wrapping released its tenuous grasp on the roast and hit the floor.

"Malthus" I said, "I am leaving you."

Well I know a symbol when I see one, but Malthus does not. He lives in the prison house of the literal. For a full three weeks he believed his wife of twelve long years left him because he ruined the beef Wellington.

Ha! Nice.

Lemoncake · Jan 13, 2019 at 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

How would the pastry hit the floor? Were they on a freakin boat?

You don't miss the important stuff!

DP_2017 · Jan 13, 2019 at 03:23 PM

I really need to break my addiction and stop posting on this site

I'm so tired of drama happening because I have different views and stand firm with them. Not everyone here has to agree, I'm allowed those views and shouldn't have to be attacked for them.

My T at least would be proud of me for being assertive. Like me or don't, I truly don't care

stopdog · Jan 13, 2019 at 03:28 PM

Self care is certainly important.
But one might think disagreement of ideas/not attacking goes both ways.

unaluna · Jan 13, 2019 at 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

And you think I miss the point with you most of the time.

So we're becoming more compatible?

"One in a million - so what youre saying is, theres a chance!" -- Dumb and Dumber

unaluna · Jan 13, 2019 at 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

You don't miss the important stuff!

Pastry!!

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Couch 187: Dry Cheerios

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DP_2017 Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2017 Location: A house Posts: 4,412 6 665 hugs given	Jan 13, 2019 at 01:58 PM #224 Lemon can you get a second T for the additional support? __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love.

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 39,871 (SuperPoster!) 12 66.4k hugs given	Jan 13, 2019 at 03:01 PM #233 How would the pastry hit the floor? Were they on a freakin boat?

stopdog underdog is here Member Since Sep 2011 Location: blank Posts: 34,731 (SuperPoster!) 12 1 hugs given	Jan 13, 2019 at 03:28 PM #238 Self care is certainly important. But one might think disagreement of ideas/not attacking goes both ways. __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.