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Default Jan 15, 2019 at 09:40 PM
  #521
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Originally Posted by WarmFuzzySocks View Post
P.S. This is apropos...My highest COPE score was Problem-focused coping- 75%

I got 91% in Active Coping: The process of taking active steps to try to remove or circumvent the stressor or to ameliorate its effects.

Time to go bleach more of the things and put food in jars.
i got 0% in active coping not any surprise, but most avoidant, at 48%
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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 12:15 AM
  #522
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Ugh.

I have been wanting to find time to clean my pantry, but have barely been home...canceled my evening errands to clean because there was a mouse in the pantry last night. I was sure the pantry was unassailable. I think someone let the door open. BLEAH. Tiny sneaky little...critters is the first word that pops to mind that won't get *** out, and it took a few words to get to this one.

And right after a Couch discussion about mice, too. SheHulk, you're not alone in bleaching all the things.

In completely and wholly unrelated news (heh), Costco has sets of glass Mason jar canisters for about $20. At least my pantry will finally look as organized as it is.
Ugh I'm not glad that I'm not the only one with bleaching all the things. I think we've caught 12-15 of those little fers in the last week. I haven't seen any today thankfully. *Shudders*
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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 02:08 AM
  #523
Bonus: The pantry is cleaned and organized, so that’s off my plate, and all of the random plastic baskets and ziplocs have been replaced by shiny glass jars and bins with lids.

feralkittymom, I hadn’t known to use mint to repel mice. I soaked cotton balls in peppermint and put them in the pantry, so now it smells lovely too. Thanks for the Couch tip.

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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 03:34 AM
  #524
Hi couchies,

Saw some messages on my profile wall hoping if I'm OK since I sorta disappeared. Couldn't find a button to reply on mobile, so hey.

I've been OK therapy-wise but T's caseload has gotten much heavier again, and appointments are being spaced out a month or more. Again. This happened for 1 year some time back, if some of you remember. After the "1 year of once a month appointments", I'd talked to her about the negative impact on me and she really tried hard and succeeded in giving me once a fortnight / once every three weeks sessions.

Now that it's happening again, I feel terribly guilty once again... For similar reasons like I'm high functioning etc. I know she made room for me, adjusting "more flexible" (her words) patients who didn't have similar scheduling restrictions due to work.

Again I want to emphasize how grateful and fortunate I am that my current boss has continued to allow me to take time off during the work day for therapy with some reasonable restrictions... And I still can't afford private practice fees, T is still in public healthcare and I'm doing trauma work with T now...

I also was recently sexually assaulted by someone I greatly trust and love and dissociated hard trying to tell T in session. I reached out to a sexual assault center and they'll see me end of this month to answer questions I have and options available to me. T says I told her (T) because part of me knows what happened is wrong and is a violation and wanted support. I am literally dissociated from my feelings on the sexual assault.

T might also be leaving her current job. Some of you may remember I've an acquaintance (S) who also sees her. She told S her mandated bond with the clinic ends in March and she might be leaving the clinic in August or September. She has NOT told me anything about that, and obviously I don't want to tell her I know because S wasn't supposed to tell me.

I'm also job hunting again, though of course, the same barriers I face remain since it's legal to discriminate against people with mental illness and job forms regularly ask.
 
 
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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 07:10 AM
  #525
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Originally Posted by QuietMind View Post
Hi couchies,

Saw some messages on my profile wall hoping if I'm OK since I sorta disappeared. Couldn't find a button to reply on mobile, so hey.

I've been OK therapy-wise but T's caseload has gotten much heavier again, and appointments are being spaced out a month or more. Again. This happened for 1 year some time back, if some of you remember. After the "1 year of once a month appointments", I'd talked to her about the negative impact on me and she really tried hard and succeeded in giving me once a fortnight / once every three weeks sessions.

Now that it's happening again, I feel terribly guilty once again... For similar reasons like I'm high functioning etc. I know she made room for me, adjusting "more flexible" (her words) patients who didn't have similar scheduling restrictions due to work.

Again I want to emphasize how grateful and fortunate I am that my current boss has continued to allow me to take time off during the work day for therapy with some reasonable restrictions... And I still can't afford private practice fees, T is still in public healthcare and I'm doing trauma work with T now...

I also was recently sexually assaulted by someone I greatly trust and love and dissociated hard trying to tell T in session. I reached out to a sexual assault center and they'll see me end of this month to answer questions I have and options available to me. T says I told her (T) because part of me knows what happened is wrong and is a violation and wanted support. I am literally dissociated from my feelings on the sexual assault.

T might also be leaving her current job. Some of you may remember I've an acquaintance (S) who also sees her. She told S her mandated bond with the clinic ends in March and she might be leaving the clinic in August or September. She has NOT told me anything about that, and obviously I don't want to tell her I know because S wasn't supposed to tell me.

I'm also job hunting again, though of course, the same barriers I face remain since it's legal to discriminate against people with mental illness and job forms regularly ask.


QM it's nice to get an update, but I'm sorry you're going through so much. Is it possible to another T in conjunction with current T. Once a month therapy doesn't sound like adequate support for you right now especially with the assault.

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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 07:22 AM
  #526
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Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker View Post
I am angry with myself that I didn’t do anything about my ex earlier and leave, but I was terrified and somehow he convinced me that I could not survive without him. Maybe the girls wouldn’t have had these struggles if I had.


BMC you did the best that you could at the time.If you could have done better you would have done better. It might be easy for some people to say "why doesn't she just leave?" But leaving an abusive relationship is never easy. It's not the same thing, but the very first guy I was totally in love with treated me badly. We were very up and down and he'd tell me horrible things but I kept going back again and again and again. Growing up I never learnt what a healthy relationship looked like and I believed that it wasn't the real him, and that he was better than that.

It takes courage to leave which you did and your girls will know the truth and see how strong their mother was.

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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 07:27 AM
  #527
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Holy carp. You guys just want my life insurance. Youre gonna end up like Elaine with her stroked out bf, feeding me navy bean soup.


You question the affections of my heart an think I'm just a gold digger!? I found out about your "connections" afterwards. I like this quote from the prohibition documentary I was watching:

"The history of the United States can be told in 11 words, Columbus, Washington, Lincoln, Volstead, two flights up and ask for Gus".

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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 07:30 AM
  #528
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Im fixated on 1996 everest, idk why. This is my 4th book. At least Beck isnt a big hole like the other guys i read. He has the greatest sense of humor. Or a great ghost writer. Could be the ghost writer, he does have a written with. But at least it makes it more palatable.
I wrote it down on my sticky note. I might try it if I can find an audiobook version of it!

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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 07:31 AM
  #529
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Originally Posted by WarmFuzzySocks View Post
Bonus: The pantry is cleaned and organized, so that’s off my plate, and all of the random plastic baskets and ziplocs have been replaced by shiny glass jars and bins with lids.
Yay!

Well done for getting it all done.

You might also like the insagram page called homeedit- It's an organizers dream.


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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 07:33 AM
  #530
Hugs, QM...I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of that. Could you get any sort of additional therapy through the assault center? If they don't offer it, maybe they would know of low-cost options. As once a month doesn't seem like enough when you're struggling with something like that (or enough in general).
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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 07:38 AM
  #531
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Originally Posted by Lemoncake View Post



QM it's nice to get an update, but I'm sorry you're going through so much. Is it possible to another T in conjunction with current T. Once a month therapy doesn't sound like adequate support for you right now especially with the assault.
I don't know if I can see another T through the public health system. Some people do see say, a social worker, an art therapist alongside their clinical psychologist T in the tertiary care hospital but the secondary care hospital I'm at doesn't offer that. I'd have to go though public health primary care to get a referral to the tertiary care hospital and the waiting list is several months.

I might be able to access a psychologist as a gender clinic at the tertiary care hospital (I've my usual gender stuff ongoing too) but I gotta see how I can get referred, and IF they'll let me see a T when I have my T.

But my boss might not allow it since the agreement was about seeing my T, not a second T.

Don't want to go back to the LGBTQ affirming organisation where I saw LGBTQ T because it's private and costly. More costly than T. And after 3 sessions they said come back when you next feel you want to, because I wasn't in crisis then.

I'll have to see if the sexual assault organisation will offer me counselling and what the fee is for my income level (it's pegged to income). Edit: OK.if my case is considered sexual assault (it is according to their website), I get three free 1 hour sessions if they think I need it. After that there's a sliding scale with a minimum and max fee pegged to my income. End edit.

I'm not in crisis but stressed as hell at work but afraid to quit because I know it'll be really hard for me to find another full time job even at a lower pay due to the mental health thing. I can't lie (and could be fired if I did lie and was discovered) because I still need time off work during the work day to see T.

According to T, I compartmentalise "too well". I'll see though. I've just been on numb robot mode. Working, trying to avoid my family and pretending everything is fine since my parents and siblings will literally victim blame me if I told them.
 
 
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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 07:39 AM
  #532
Lemoncake, you're such a kind and caring person I didn't want to rant on PC but I sometimes read threads and think of the couch.
 
 
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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 11:44 AM
  #533
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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 11:47 AM
  #534
Good Morning everybody!!!! I'm trying to start a new fiscal year at work, and the computer is taking forever to do it's thing. What a start to the day. I forced myself to socialize last night instead of going home and sleeping. And I stayed up about an hour later than I have been. I'm going to try this "force myself to do stuff even if I don't want to" and see if it changes anything depression wise. I mean, it can't hurt. So maybe it will help. HUGS to anyone who wants one. Kit
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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 01:32 PM
  #535
Hi couch,

I know that I don’t post anymore. But I need help thinking through things with t. I have been with him for 7 or 8 years now. I am down to either every two weeks or once a month. In general I am doing well, anxiety has crept back up, but other than that I have been pretty stable.

T and I have a great relationship. The one downfall is his being late issues. Which I mostly have gotten over, but more than that he is really just too busy. His practice has two locations that he sees clients at, he teaches at a local college, he is on staff at a local institution for mentally handicapped. He also has to hold spots open for psychological assessments for police officers, parental assessments for cps. He is also one of the bosses in the practice he works at. So it’s a lot. Because of those things he has rather limited scheduling, and I think has to ask to push appointments later or earlier or cancel altogether because of emergencies, or issues with his other jobs. That is where the problem is.. I need consistency, I need a t that I know will be there and 98% of the time I know he is sitting in his office seeing clients. Not running around town from one job to another. I understand it is personal preference for him, it’s what he wants to do with his professional life. However, I am starting to feel like I need something different. Which really guts me because the relationship is good. I like him, he is a good therapist. It’s just he is not super reliable. Would you get rid of a therapist because is this? I n or this is highly subjective but I need to her different perspectives.

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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 01:33 PM
  #536
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Originally Posted by QuietMind View Post
I don't know if I can see another T through the public health system. Some people do see say, a social worker, an art therapist alongside their clinical psychologist T in the tertiary care hospital but the secondary care hospital I'm at doesn't offer that. I'd have to go though public health primary care to get a referral to the tertiary care hospital and the waiting list is several months.

I might be able to access a psychologist as a gender clinic at the tertiary care hospital (I've my usual gender stuff ongoing too) but I gotta see how I can get referred, and IF they'll let me see a T when I have my T.

But my boss might not allow it since the agreement was about seeing my T, not a second T.

Don't want to go back to the LGBTQ affirming organisation where I saw LGBTQ T because it's private and costly. More costly than T. And after 3 sessions they said come back when you next feel you want to, because I wasn't in crisis then.

I'll have to see if the sexual assault organisation will offer me counselling and what the fee is for my income level (it's pegged to income). Edit: OK.if my case is considered sexual assault (it is according to their website), I get three free 1 hour sessions if they think I need it. After that there's a sliding scale with a minimum and max fee pegged to my income. End edit.

I'm not in crisis but stressed as hell at work but afraid to quit because I know it'll be really hard for me to find another full time job even at a lower pay due to the mental health thing. I can't lie (and could be fired if I did lie and was discovered) because I still need time off work during the work day to see T.

According to T, I compartmentalise "too well". I'll see though. I've just been on numb robot mode. Working, trying to avoid my family and pretending everything is fine since my parents and siblings will literally victim blame me if I told them.

Sexual assault will still always be assault regardless of its classification, and it is never your fault. I hope you are given the sessions you need. When do they let you know? Can you reach out to another charity too?

Rather than quitting, would it be possible to reduce your work hours and still apply for new positions?

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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 01:37 PM
  #537
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Lemoncake, you're such a kind and caring person I didn't want to rant on PC but I sometimes read threads and think of the couch.
Thank you.



Rant away. Maybe perhaps make your own thread too? Posting always helped me to be honest and I'm always around if you want to talk privately too- even if it was just about tea and cats I wouldn't mind.

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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 01:46 PM
  #538
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Originally Posted by healed84 View Post
Hi couch,

I know that I don’t post anymore. But I need help thinking through things with t. I have been with him for 7 or 8 years now. I am down to either every two weeks or once a month. In general I am doing well, anxiety has crept back up, but other than that I have been pretty stable.

T and I have a great relationship. The one downfall is his being late issues. Which I mostly have gotten over, but more than that he is really just too busy. His practice has two locations that he sees clients at, he teaches at a local college, he is on staff at a local institution for mentally handicapped. He also has to hold spots open for psychological assessments for police officers, parental assessments for cps. He is also one of the bosses in the practice he works at. So it’s a lot. Because of those things he has rather limited scheduling, and I think has to ask to push appointments later or earlier or cancel altogether because of emergencies, or issues with his other jobs. That is where the problem is.. I need consistency, I need a t that I know will be there and 98% of the time I know he is sitting in his office seeing clients. Not running around town from one job to another. I understand it is personal preference for him, it’s what he wants to do with his professional life. However, I am starting to feel like I need something different. Which really guts me because the relationship is good. I like him, he is a good therapist. It’s just he is not super reliable. Would you get rid of a therapist because is this? I n or this is highly subjective but I need to her different perspectives.
Hi healed!



Personally I think he does have a very large work load, but that's all down to him taking on all of that. I wouldn't be happy with not being able to get a slot and I can imagine for some clients him canceling relatively late can be triggering. It really would have been for me.

Can you look around? But I don't think you have to let him go completely- you could put him on the back burner and see new T more regularly.

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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 01:48 PM
  #539
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Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
Good Morning everybody!!!! I'm trying to start a new fiscal year at work, and the computer is taking forever to do it's thing. What a start to the day. I forced myself to socialize last night instead of going home and sleeping. And I stayed up about an hour later than I have been. I'm going to try this "force myself to do stuff even if I don't want to" and see if it changes anything depression wise. I mean, it can't hurt. So maybe it will help. HUGS to anyone who wants one. Kit


I hope your depression eases up soon, but go easy on yourself- you're doing your best and it's okay if stuff takes longer to get done.

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Default Jan 16, 2019 at 01:54 PM
  #540
Quote:
Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux View Post
I had some dental work done today and my tooth just wouldn't go numb. He ended up putting three injections in different areas. Now the numbness has worn off my whole jaw hurts. Partly from the dental work, partly from the injections themselves I think. Ow.


How is the pain now?

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