One of the things that I've been noticing that I brought up to T today was after moving from my house in November, I can think 'wow how did I get here.it's my dream home and area' but I can't feel it.
I told T that I drove by my old house twice trying to find the feelings of relief having escaped that hell hole (bad area of london) plus my neighbours older son and his constant weed head friends were a huge trigger. In the summer they parked an old car up in their front lawn next to my living room window, sitting in it all night playing music and smoking, drinking and the laughing, my abuser would laugh.

******trigger warning*******

I was gang raped for 3yrs as a child by a infamous gang famiies son and whatever friends he was with. Sometimes I was psychologically tortured. Locked in cars with the threat of being set alight.

Though my neighbours son was friendly, he was a dealer, wannabe gangsta.

T said "I think you've never lived without terror. Your andrelin was always high awaiting the next thing to go wrong.
This is your first real sense of safety so now all this feelings you suppressed to survive and to be able to function in your old home address now coming up.

The tears finally came. I finally felt the relief of being safe.

T said, I know you went down to once a week. But now isn't a good time to do that. It's not a failure to come twice.

I said, I know that. But I want to think on it. Since I cut down, there's been so many interruptions, me moving, Xmas, your op that I've not truly got to see if once a week is enough.

That was a horrid and traumatic thing that happened to you. Glad you are safe now. Hearing about your safe therapy makes my therapy feel safer.