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Old 01-13-2019, 09:38 PM #11
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Default Re: What does the therapist mean by this?

**** if my therapist knew I bathed infrequently (whuch I do) she would say that as well. It usually means you are getting depressed. Did you expect her to do or say something different?
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Old 01-13-2019, 09:46 PM #12
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Default Re: What does the therapist mean by this?

I wasn't the one who texted her that. I wouldn't have texted her. She never responds when it's me.

If I was unable to bring myself to shower tomorrow, I was going to wear a hat so she wouldn't be able to tell I hadn't been showering. I didn't smell or anything since it's winter and my roommate has for once not been blasting the heat. So she wouldn't have heard about it from me. Although I guess the ends of my hair would have eventually become greasy. Maybe after the second week.
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Old 01-13-2019, 09:51 PM #13
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Default Re: What does the therapist mean by this?

Another thing the therapist does is pair some of the baffling phrases with "you know" or "I know you know." So like "I know you know that I like you" or "you know that I care about you."

I don't know where she gets these ideas from.
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Old 01-13-2019, 10:08 PM #14
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Default Re: What does the therapist mean by this?

When a therapist says “I’m concerned about you” I think it is to raise your awareness that you may be exhibiting outward signs of not doing well (such as hygiene issues). The “I care” part may be to remind you that it isn’t a criticism just an observation.

For example , even with everyday people, if someone said “I’m concerned about you, you seem very tired” it might raise my awareness enough to be sure that night I got at least 8 hours sleep. I would think “oh crap, others can see I’m not doing well and I want to hide that in a hurry”. People say I am concerned because they genuinely care, or, they think you are not aware of how poorly you are doing OR your downhill slide is having an effect on them. For a therapist, the last one they need to manage on their own but 1 and 2 are valid points.

You may be fully aware of how you are doing but outward appearances can make others worry that you don’t have this self awareness. I am sorry to read that you are struggling.
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Old 01-13-2019, 10:43 PM #15
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Default Re: What does the therapist mean by this?

Thanks, growlycat, that does help somewhat. I guess I was just assuming that C texted the therapist about the lack of showers because she is well aware that's a bad thing. I mean, nobody texts anybody else to inform them that they showered today. So maybe C was letting the therapist know something is bad and the therapist is confirming she understands the situation is bad? Or something?
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Old 01-13-2019, 11:03 PM #16
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Default Re: What does the therapist mean by this?

Maybe your alter is looking out for your welfare, not really tattling on you? I don’t have did so I don’t know what it is like. I’m glad you are reaching out here.
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Old 01-13-2019, 11:51 PM #17
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Default Re: What does the therapist mean by this?

Well, what was C's text? Had to be a reason T would respond like that.
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Old 01-14-2019, 06:25 AM #18
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Default Re: What does the therapist mean by this?

I don't think I've ever had a T say they were concerned, but in my experience outside in the social world, some people use "I am worried about you" as a mechanism of control or manipulation, as in whatever they say they are worried about is the thing they want you to change. After my spouse died one of my friends called and said she'd heard I was having trouble getting out of bed and she was worried about me, for example. I told her that the intel was several weeks old, and it was more that I spent a lot of time sleeping in the weeks afterwards, that was just how my immediate grief rolled out at first. Maybe because I was so exhausted from the 24/7 caretaking at home.
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Old 01-14-2019, 06:39 AM #19
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Default Re: What does the therapist mean by this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
Thanks, growlycat, that does help somewhat. I guess I was just assuming that C texted the therapist about the lack of showers because she is well aware that's a bad thing. I mean, nobody texts anybody else to inform them that they showered today. So maybe C was letting the therapist know something is bad and the therapist is confirming she understands the situation is bad? Or something?

Yes, I think that's what's going on, that C realizes she's struggling and was trying to give the T evidence of that. I've done something like that with my T because I think I sometimes come off, whether in email or in person, as doing better than I am. So I've told him things like "I'm having trouble eating--all I ate was x yesterday" or "I only got 4 hours of sleep the past 2 nights" or how much beer I consumed. So then it's like I'm showing him evidence that even though I might come across somewhat OK in session, I'm really not. Sort of like "Please help me."


That being said, I don't think he'd ever say something like "I'm concerned about you." He's said he cared, stuff like that, in a more general sense. But I think for him it might seem to cross the line of a professional relationship and seem more personal. But T's have different ways of communicating--not saying that there was anything inappropriate about what your T said. Just that I think I'd also be really surprised if my T said those words to me.
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Old 01-14-2019, 07:11 AM #20
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Default Re: What does the therapist mean by this?

LT

Not really too on topic for OP's post but I had to comment that when my dog died and I told him I hadn't eaten in days he was casually like "that's ok" I thought it was weird that he didn't seem concerned by that.... but in general I think T's are concerned for clients in the sense that they want them to feel well and succeed and not do any harm to themselves etc. Wether or not they say it, it's kind of a thing they just have
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