What does the therapist mean by this?

Maybe your T was trying to normalize it, like, "that's common in grief." And I agree that T's are generally concerned about their clients, even if they don't directly express it to them.

I don't see this as getting personal at all. It is not a reflection on any kind of relationship you have; certainly, it is no indication of any lines being crossed professionally. It is merely a indication of professional concern regarding your mental health. It could be that your therapist is observing a decline or deterioration. It could be your therapist is observing you might be at a point of danger to yourself. What it IS is an indication your therapist wants you to take serious notice of whatever situation in your life is the source of their concern. What this IS is your therapist telling you that some immediate action is required to help you and/or prevent a serious situation from developing.

So no, this has nothing to do with your therapsit crossing the line from professional relationship to personal. It is entirely an indication that they are in fact acting professionally out of concern for you.

I don't need the therapist to tell me that not bathing for a week is bad. I think most people, unless they are suffering from psychosis or perhaps autism, are aware of that.

She may not be saying it’s bad but that it just indicates other things are going on for you internally that may be painful or difficult for you

Yeah, I just meant emotionally, things are going badly.

Former T used to say to me, "I'm concerned about you." I used to shrug it off because that phrase means little to me. I don't understand it. When she ended up explaining that it's more than her being worried about me, then I used to take notice. For me, it was my T's way of saying, "I'm seeing a red flag, I want to make sure you're okay." Then once I understood that, I would look at what she was commenting on and see if it made sense that yeah, it was a problem, or no she was worried for no reason. I think in your situation, it might be the same that your T was seeing something that she thought was a "red" flag and wanted to comment on it that she noticed something is "off". HUGS if you want them. Kit.

It seems like you are perfectly capable of telling her that, although I think there's a big difference between expressing concern and stating that not bathing for a week is bad. She said the first, not the later, but she may find it useful to understand your interpretation, and maybe you will feel better for having articulated it.

Isn't she recognizing what you yourself said, that things are emotionally bad for you right now? That is my interpretation of her being concerned, although I would probably have a tough time if things were emotionally off the rails. I hope it gets better for you soon, with or without the therapist saying or not saying certain things.

Thank you, Anne, I appreciate that. I agree that the therapist was responding to the text. What you quoted was my response to people saying the therapist was trying to make me/C aware I am exhibiting signs of decline. That didn't make sense to me since the sign of decline was indicated by the text originating from C. So she wouldn't have needed to clue us in.

Would you care to share what you would say instead? I'm looking to compare what would be different. You seem to use language very well, so it seems strange to me that what sounds like pretty standard expressions would somehow trouble you. You might be over-thinking a bit. Pardon me for saying that. I've often been told that I over-think things, and being told that was never helpful to me. But it just strikes me that you may be doing that.

When someone thinks heavy on what has been said, I think it's an attempt to know more than you can know. It takes time (like, maybe, years even) to really know what another person thinks about you, and that includes therapists. Also, it takes the therapist time to come to know who you are and what their opinion of who you are is. You might be trying to rush that.

I haven't yet read every post above, but I will. Saying "I'm concerned about you." seems pretty straight-forward to me. You reported a classic symptom of depression that is fairly serious. So the T was saying, "It sounds like you're not doing well and - more significantly - you're not on a path toward doing better. That is concerning.

A program of recovery doesn't produce immediate contentment with life. But going in a positive direction tends to manifest as a change in habits of daily living. I'm not into daily showering, even when I'm feeling well . . . but for me, like for most people, a week of not showering/bathing would mean I'm caught in the grips of a downturn that is really defeating me.

Here's what's concerning. If you're not showering this week, what won't you be doing next week? Maybe, next week, eating won't seem to matter. What matters is the trajectory. Going days without a shower is unlikely to hurt you, but losing interest in self-care does eventually become dangerous. That's what is concerning.

When I am concerned about someone, I just say other stuff. My sister also has mental health issues, and if she texted me that she hadn't showered in 6 days, I would inquire as to why and more importantly, when her next appointment with the psychiatrist was scheduled.

I don't think anyone ever really knows anyone else. Regardless, the therapist is not a new person to me.

I'm not sure I'm overthinking so much as trying to understand. It's not that I've never heard the expression before, but it didn't really mean anything to me then, either.

I talk to very few people. I text with my sister some. I write stuff on this forum. I occasionally have brief interactions with my roommate. I infrequently have to chat with the parents. I don't have a whole lot of experience with people saying things to me.

So, if you were asked why you hadn't showered, what would be your response?

Well, I wasn't the one who sent the text, but the therapist and I did talk about the issue in the session. I told her that I just couldn't get out of bed. And I hate my bathroom/shower because the fan is EXTREMELY loud and stresses me out. I usually leave the light off when I shower or use the toilet because the fan is so horrible. And it's not just me being weird, my roommate feels the same way. She's put an extra light in her bathroom so she doesn't have to use the one connected to the godawful fan. I don't have this option because I have the master bedroom and my toilet and shower are located in a separate room from the sink - which means there are no outlets. Anyway, it's been so hard to get up, and lots of times, it doesn't happen until it's dark outside or at the last minute before I have to leave for class/work. In the former case, that would force me to use the dreaded light attached with the fan in order to shower. In the latter case, there is just no time. But it all really boils down to severe depression and a debilitating lack of drive to live. Getting out of bed feels like an insurmountable obstacle many days. If I didn't have a job or classes, I would have developed bed sores by now.

Thanks for elucidating. I hope you can see why your therapist considers your situation "concerning." You're depressed and at risk of becoming more so.

I totally hear you about the fan. I hate bathroom fans. I might turn it on, after I'm out of there, but not whilst I'm in there. Luckily my fan has a separate switch. You might want to try lighting a few candles. I do that a lot just for the soft ambience.

Kudos to you for managing to even get to work and to class. That takes character when one is that depressed.

This is why your therapist is concerned.

I was not confused about why the therapist found the text concerning. I was wondering what the purpose of her informing me that she was concerned was.

Unfortunately, there is nowhere to put candles in the bathroom. The room is extremely tiny. There isn't room for anything except the toilet and tub. I do have an over the toilet towel thing, but I can't put candles there as it would be a fire hazard due to the towels and toilet paper.

i think for some people, hearing someone say they are concerned about them--it makes them feel a little better. like hey someone gives a $hit in this world about me!

i shrug off my T's concern, so i get it...

I am so angry at the therapist and my feeble attempts to do self care have come to a screeching halt. I don't know when I last showered. It was sometime late last week. Maybe Friday. Maybe Saturday. Possibly Thursday.

She's not going to see me next week. So who the **** cares if I bathe? I sure as hell don't.

As I think others are suggesting, I think she wanted you to feel that she is aware that you are in real distress. That's pretty much the first thing I would want from any therapist: some acknowledgement that I'm having real difficulty. To address a problem, you have to have some conception of its dimensions. She was saying - I think - that this is not a minor tailspin. She seems to see the possibility that you may be on a bad trajectory. (People can be in bad circumstances, but headed in a good direction.) Sounds like you haven't sighted a pathway toward feeling better.

You also wonder why she says she likes you. Depressed persons often don't feel very acceptable to others. I think she feels you have attributes that she finds positive. Or maybe she's just the ingratiating type. I doubt that. I've had experiences of therapists having no trouble conveying to me that they were ticked off at me, or resented me.

So it's pretty much going to be 2 weeks before it's my turn again after my appointment on Friday. **** me, right? Nbd, apparently.

Actually, no, it doesn't even matter. Because right now I'm so livid all I want is my appointment on Friday so I can unleash my rage, then I don't really have anything else to say to her. She and C can **** right off and do all the sessions.