Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVIII

Everyday12 · Jan 15, 2019 at 02:22 PM

I went today after a month.Session was easy, I could have let it that way but I didn't. Now I feel like an idiot for not being able to talk about the thing I wanted to . I think next session I will tell you thanks and let's wrap this up.

RaineD · Jan 15, 2019 at 02:49 PM

Was my intuition correct regarding my prospective new boss? I called him to turn down the job offer, and we ended up having a conversation. In the middle of that conversation, my intuition told me to accept the job. So I did. Was that the right decision? T, why won't you talk to me? I need you.

circlesincircles · Jan 15, 2019 at 04:47 PM

I don't want to go to this thing tonight. I want to sleep for about the next six years. So tired.

Anastasia~ · 08:30 PM

I don't know how I am going to get thru this. or if.

I am a wretched leach.

DP_2017 · Jan 15, 2019 at 09:59 PM

Looked at some of your pics on my phone and started crying. This is hell. I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this ****. Worst thing of all is knowing you moved on already. We never even got to do the stuff on my list that you promised we could.

Anastasia~ · Jan 15, 2019 at 10:14 PM

I think my T is terminating me. He won't answer my texts, as he always does. I am a horrible as I feel like I pushed him to do this. I ****ing hate myself so much. I wish I was never born as I am a useless piece of ****. This is my second termination, if this is one. I don't want to think positively because I don't want to fall that far again. I just text bombed him. He is such a good T, and I am such a bad patient. I'm done caring about myself. I just don't care anymore. I am just a big nobody. I guess he won't text me back. He didn't even tell me in therapy. I hate myself anyway. I deserve all the pain and agony and sorrow and depression that will follow.

*****He just texted me and said nothing was wrong.

You know when you are terrified like I just was, in regard to your T leaving, that it is such a massive relief when it doesn't happen, and is so traumatizing when it does. I think he should leave me, or kick me out of therapy and yet, I don't want that.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 15, 2019 at 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anastasia~

I think my T is terminating me. He won't answer my texts, as he always does. I am a horrible as I feel like I pushed him to do this. I ****ing hate myself so much. I wish I was never born as I am a useless piece of ****. This is my second termination, if this is one. I don't want to think positively because I don't want to fall that far again. I just text bombed him. He is such a good T, and I am such a bad patient. I'm done caring about myself. I just don't care anymore. I am just a big nobody. I guess he won't text me back. He didn't even tell me in therapy. I hate myself anyway. I deserve all the pain and agony and sorrow and depression that will follow.

*****He just texted me and said nothing was wrong.

You know when you are terrified like I just was, in regard to your T leaving, that it is such a massive relief when it doesn't happen, and is so traumatizing when it does. I think he should leave me, or kick me out of therapy and yet, I don't want that.

Was going to reply then saw your update. Glad nothing was wrong--maybe he was just busy or his phone died or something? I'd talk to him about these fears. And how you feel he should leave you. I Imagine it relates to something from your past.

Anastasia~ · Jan 15, 2019 at 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Was going to reply then saw your update. Glad nothing was wrong--maybe he was just busy or his phone died or something? I'd talk to him about these fears. And how you feel he should leave you. I Imagine it relates to something from your past.

Thanks (((LT))))).
It took him a long time to answer, which is not usual. Today, I felt horrible about the topic which made me think he was terminating even more intense. It was painful and I struggled to talk about it, and I still don't think he understood me, but I see him tomorrow. Thanks!

SheHulk07 · Jan 16, 2019 at 12:06 AM

T,
I'm so exhausted mentally, and don't want to do anything of this. I want to curl up in a ball and hide away from it all...pretend it doesn't exist. I don't know what to say or who to turn to when I feel like this.

piggy momma · Jan 16, 2019 at 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anastasia~

Thanks (((LT))))).
It took him a long time to answer, which is not usual. Today, I felt horrible about the topic which made me think he was terminating even more intense. It was painful and I struggled to talk about it, and I still don't think he understood me, but I see him tomorrow. Thanks!

That feeling of "impending termination", whether real or perceived, is soul-crushing. I'm glad all is well.

piggy momma · Jan 16, 2019 at 12:21 AM

We had a really good session today. You reassured me on several levels. You said I'm a good client, you appreciate that I pay on time, and that just because we have conflict it doesn't mean you're going to terminate me. That was all so very reassuring. Most of the time I feel good about our relationship, but sometimes I still doubt.

captgut · Jan 16, 2019 at 01:31 AM

I'm going to meet with your another client so that she could give me meds she doesn't need anymore.
I'm glad to get free meds, but I'm already jealous, seeing your other clients is so hurtful

blackocean · Jan 16, 2019 at 02:24 AM

do you want to hurt me?

Jan 16, 2019 at 05:11 AM

4 days to go

Echos Myron redux · Jan 16, 2019 at 05:28 AM

Well it's probably a good time to be at therapy since I feel like shite.

Anne2.0 · Jan 16, 2019 at 08:53 AM

Dear T:

This seems new-- when things start to go off the rails, when I feel bad and stressed and have trouble sleeping, I turn my focus to the things that I know bring me joy, if I can. Can't walk now, too much icy slippery stuff on sidewalks, but will go to the pool tomorrow and Friday. A nod to doing the creative stuff, and the other coping things that work. I feel like I used to sit there in the dark, wondering why no one was turning on the light, or if they asked me, I might say, "no, that's okay, I'll just sit here in the dark." This is better. But I still feel a little like a scraped-up old wounded place is hanging out inside my heart.

susannahsays · Jan 16, 2019 at 12:18 PM

Possible trigger:

I want to die!

susannahsays · Jan 16, 2019 at 12:23 PM

Help me!

SlumberKitty · Jan 16, 2019 at 01:18 PM

SusannahSays

Hope you're alright. HUGS kit

Lemoncake · Jan 16, 2019 at 02:35 PM

Dear R,

The anxiety's getting to me. We've never done one session a week during examination period before. Why do you think we should start now before my biggest winter exam?! Why do you think you know what is best for me?

p.s I'm seeing T2 tomorrow at 10.30.

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Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVIII

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Everyday12 Member Member Since Sep 2018 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 68 5 3 hugs given	Jan 15, 2019 at 02:22 PM #41 I went today after a month.Session was easy, I could have let it that way but I didn't. Now I feel like an idiot for not being able to talk about the thing I wanted to . I think next session I will tell you thanks and let's wrap this up.

RaineD Grand Member Member Since Aug 2017 Location: United States Posts: 950 6 962 hugs given	Jan 15, 2019 at 02:49 PM #42 Was my intuition correct regarding my prospective new boss? I called him to turn down the job offer, and we ended up having a conversation. In the middle of that conversation, my intuition told me to accept the job. So I did. Was that the right decision? T, why won't you talk to me? I need you.

circlesincircles Member Member Since May 2018 Location: United States Posts: 303 5	Jan 15, 2019 at 04:47 PM #43 I don't want to go to this thing tonight. I want to sleep for about the next six years. So tired.

Anastasia~ Poohbah Member Since Jul 2017 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,019 6 5,296 hugs given	Jan 15, 2019 at 06:26 PM #44 I don't know how I am going to get thru this. or if. I am a wretched leach. __________________ Last edited by Anastasia~; Jan 15, 2019 at 08:30 PM..

DP_2017 Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2017 Location: A house Posts: 4,412 6 665 hugs given	Jan 15, 2019 at 09:59 PM #45 Looked at some of your pics on my phone and started crying. This is hell. I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this ****. Worst thing of all is knowing you moved on already. We never even got to do the stuff on my list that you promised we could. __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love.

SheHulk07 Magnate Member Since Oct 2013 Location: CO Posts: 2,305 10 871 hugs given	Jan 16, 2019 at 12:06 AM #49 T, I'm so exhausted mentally, and don't want to do anything of this. I want to curl up in a ball and hide away from it all...pretend it doesn't exist. I don't know what to say or who to turn to when I feel like this.

piggy momma Poohbah Member Since Oct 2018 Location: Canada Posts: 1,073 5 70 hugs given	Jan 16, 2019 at 12:21 AM #51 We had a really good session today. You reassured me on several levels. You said I'm a good client, you appreciate that I pay on time, and that just because we have conflict it doesn't mean you're going to terminate me. That was all so very reassuring. Most of the time I feel good about our relationship, but sometimes I still doubt.

captgut Grand Poohbah Member Since Jan 2017 Location: Here Posts: 1,731 7 1,505 hugs given	Jan 16, 2019 at 01:31 AM #52 I'm going to meet with your another client so that she could give me meds she doesn't need anymore. I'm glad to get free meds, but I'm already jealous, seeing your other clients is so hurtful

blackocean Member Member Since Aug 2018 Location: USA Posts: 244 5 28 hugs given	Jan 16, 2019 at 02:24 AM #53 do you want to hurt me?

Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	Jan 16, 2019 at 05:11 AM #54 4 days to go

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,157 6 1,833 hugs given	Jan 16, 2019 at 05:28 AM #55 Well it's probably a good time to be at therapy since I feel like shite.

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jan 16, 2019 at 12:18 PM #57 Possible trigger: I want to die!

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jan 16, 2019 at 12:23 PM #58 Help me!

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jan 16, 2019 at 01:18 PM #59 SusannahSays Hope you're alright. HUGS kit