Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVIII

velcro003 · Feb 23, 2019 at 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anastasia~

I am in the MOST worst, deep and dark depression and am not sure if I will ever emerge. I am always just a nobody.

you're not a nobody, though I understand that deep and dark depression.

Feb 23, 2019 at 07:50 PM

t you really confuse the hell outta me you know.

Anastasia~ · Feb 23, 2019 at 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

you're not a nobody, though I understand that deep and dark depression.

Velcro - thank you for this, I really needed it.

velcro003 · Feb 23, 2019 at 09:04 PM

T: I cleaned the apt today! yay me! I knew once I'd get started, I would clean the whole thing.

Anastasia~ · Feb 23, 2019 at 11:26 PM

I don't have a known future at the moment. I need to figure things out, however, I am enjoying my current freedom from the monotony of the anguish caused by social anxiety and paranoia.

susannahsays · Feb 23, 2019 at 11:48 PM

Hmph!

Lemoncake · Feb 24, 2019 at 12:46 AM

Happy birthday.

I'm not using this as an excuse to email today. I hope you like the presents I picked out. Maybe now you can finally get my Little prince references, but I wonder if you'll keep the Lego keyring though.

Off to study radio.

piggy momma · Feb 24, 2019 at 01:00 AM

Exactly 36 hours from now I will know my fate. I’m not sure how I feel about this.

LabRat27 · Feb 24, 2019 at 01:23 AM

I really was going to try, I swear.
But I can't do it. Not when it makes me feel like this physically.
I think even someone who didn't have body image issues wouldn't be trying to make themselves hit that number if they felt like this. Granted, the physical discomfort is a lot worse because of the feelings and beliefs associated with it... I don't think it would be this distressing for a "normal" person.

I'm not sure if I'm relieved to have an "out." An excuse to not do "the right thing" here.
I'm trying not to let it turn into a black or white all or nothing thing. I'm not saying "**** it, I won't eat anything." I'm still hitting the minimum. I'm not putting myself in danger.

I know you're going to be disappointed in me though. The first and only time you've made out of session contact... You really wanted me to do this... I'm sorry. I really did want to make you proud.

annielovesbacon · Feb 24, 2019 at 02:26 AM

I feel like giving up, to be honest

junkDNA · Feb 24, 2019 at 04:33 AM

well I told you I can't stop thinking about you now! is that weird

Echos Myron redux · Feb 24, 2019 at 04:53 AM

I hate you. I hate therapy and I'm pissed off that you can leave me like this and not give a ****. **** you.

Lemoncake · Feb 24, 2019 at 07:28 AM

Back from the gym and I'm low.

This is what's on my mind. My mother works at a primary school. Yesterday she was telling me about about a woman she works with who changed her son's school because he wasn't settling in and now has to drive to drop him off at another school in the morning. I was going on about her doing the right thing for her son and that it was a parent's responsibility to notice things like that and change her child's school if they're not happy. I said she wasn't there for me when I was 14. She said I used to cry a lot at my first school (every lunch time) so she sent me to the second school that went from (7-16), that she doesn't know what happened with me. That I was the reason she stopped studying. That I didn't tell her what was going on at 14, that I could tell her now.

I said nothing.

Feb 24, 2019 at 07:38 AM

Hugs Lemoncake. That sounds so painful.

LonesomeTonight · Feb 24, 2019 at 09:22 AM

Dear T,
It's supposed to be really windy today, and I think you're supposed to fly home today from wherever you are. Hope you're safe and that your flight isn't canceled or delayed till tomorrow. I mean, maybe you've already landed, who knows? This is one of those times when I wish I knew where you were...or at least if you were returning, say, in the morning vs. evening. Anyway, nothing I can do about it now. Hope I see you tomorrow. And I'm sure if you had to postpone my session for travel issues, you'd try to fit me in ASAP.

Love,
LT

Lemoncake · 12:24 PM

I will not email today.
I will not email today.
I will not email today.

But how I really want too.

Edit:

5.23pm -still not emailed.

LonesomeTonight · Feb 24, 2019 at 12:45 PM

Dear T,
23 hours, 45 minutes. Sigh.
Love,

LT

LostOnTheTrail · Feb 24, 2019 at 12:53 PM

The Critic is being a sod. I need to tell you about what happened on Wednesday, if I can. Please help me do that.

Feb 24, 2019 at 01:13 PM

I have decided to be grateful t, that you are trying to understand my feelings. When I look at it that way it means a lot.

Out There · Feb 24, 2019 at 01:43 PM

This thing called life.....

You're very good at working out this thing called life. I shouldn't jump out of the boat , I should stay in it with you. You're going to understand all that.

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Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVIII

My Support Forums

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 23, 2019 at 07:50 PM #902 t you really confuse the hell outta me you know.

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Feb 23, 2019 at 09:04 PM #904 T: I cleaned the apt today! yay me! I knew once I'd get started, I would clean the whole thing.

Anastasia~ Poohbah Member Since Jul 2017 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,019 6 5,296 hugs given	Feb 23, 2019 at 11:26 PM #905 I don't have a known future at the moment. I need to figure things out, however, I am enjoying my current freedom from the monotony of the anguish caused by social anxiety and paranoia. __________________

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Feb 23, 2019 at 11:48 PM #906 Hmph! __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,687 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Feb 24, 2019 at 12:46 AM #907 Happy birthday. I'm not using this as an excuse to email today. I hope you like the presents I picked out. Maybe now you can finally get my Little prince references, but I wonder if you'll keep the Lego keyring though. Off to study radio. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

piggy momma Poohbah Member Since Oct 2018 Location: Canada Posts: 1,073 5 70 hugs given	Feb 24, 2019 at 01:00 AM #908 Exactly 36 hours from now I will know my fate. I’m not sure how I feel about this.

annielovesbacon Grand Poohbah Member Since Apr 2016 Location: USA Posts: 1,527 8 1,271 hugs given	Feb 24, 2019 at 02:26 AM #910 I feel like giving up, to be honest __________________ stay afraid, but do it anyway.

junkDNA Comfy Sedation Member Since Sep 2012 Location: the woods Posts: 19,301 (SuperPoster!) 11 8,149 hugs given	Feb 24, 2019 at 04:33 AM #911 well I told you I can't stop thinking about you now! is that weird __________________

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,157 6 1,833 hugs given	Feb 24, 2019 at 04:53 AM #912 I hate you. I hate therapy and I'm pissed off that you can leave me like this and not give a **. ** you.

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 24, 2019 at 07:38 AM #914 Hugs Lemoncake. That sounds so painful.

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,687 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Feb 24, 2019 at 09:22 AM #916 I will not email today. I will not email today. I will not email today. But how I really want too. Edit: 5.23pm -still not emailed. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." Last edited by Lemoncake; Feb 24, 2019 at 12:24 PM..

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,727 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	Feb 24, 2019 at 12:45 PM #917 Dear T, 23 hours, 45 minutes. Sigh. Love, LT

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 24, 2019 at 01:13 PM #919 I have decided to be grateful t, that you are trying to understand my feelings. When I look at it that way it means a lot.

Out There Legendary Member Since Oct 2015 Location: England Posts: 11,355 (SuperPoster!) 8 14.6k hugs given	Feb 24, 2019 at 01:43 PM #920 This thing called life..... You're very good at working out this thing called life. I shouldn't jump out of the boat , I should stay in it with you. You're going to understand all that. __________________ "Trauma happens - so does healing "