Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVIII

Nik87 · Jan 17, 2019 at 01:02 PM

Possibly trigger

I took my first drink. At 9:30 in the morning.It took me 5 tries to spell first. Shots of vodka. I've never been drunk. I'm probably buzzed. It feels wonderful. I feel warm. Finally, a good feeling. I can't handle what we been doing. I'm not supposed to feel. I don't belong at the table. I'm always watching from outside the window don't you see? I have my face pressed against the glass and am cold And hungry. Why can't I be inside? Why do I have to eat dog food? Because I'm not human. God hates me. Some people are created to have disabilities and awful disease. I'm created to be subhuman. When will you get it through your head. Took me a lot of tries to spell head. Thatsfunny. I might be on a bad lab here. Doing right has not brought me love or belonging. I'm still on the outside looking in. Always. I think I like this buzzed feeling. I don't feel any of the negatives. Just the warm

goatee · Jan 17, 2019 at 01:14 PM

Ahhhh, T, are you ok??

SlumberKitty · Jan 17, 2019 at 01:28 PM

T: I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. I probably shouldn't be, but I am. I don't want to be opening myself up for attachment, but dang it. It's probably happening anyway. Kit

SlumberKitty · Jan 17, 2019 at 02:22 PM

Dear T: I am getting really overwhelmed looking at schools in which to apply to eventually become a CPA. Maybe I'm not ready for this. Kit

LonesomeTonight · Jan 17, 2019 at 03:09 PM

Dear T,
I think the biggest thing this session wasn’t even just what was said (though that was helpful), but that I was able to get the emotions out in session that I feel I’ve been holding back for the last month. And you were accepting and compassionate. Plus you didn’t charge me for the email, which I really appreciate.
And this is such a small thing, but you said “Take care” as you shook my hand, which meant a lot (I know you sometimes say it when I’m on my way out the door, but not during handshake).
Love you,
LT

nottrustin · Jan 17, 2019 at 04:31 PM

Can't say it to either T. But I am done with thism. How many times am I expected to be kicked down and punched (emotionally not physically) before I am allowed to say I'm done. I came handle it. The one person. Who was there all the time and knew just what to say to help me through was wriped out of my life. I will never have that person back and I refuse to ever allow another person to get those again. I am thankful and dont regret the 10 years but my heart cant take being broken and shattered again. I dont even want to live like this now.

junkDNA · Jan 17, 2019 at 05:17 PM

dear t,
having sex again really ****ed with me. I don't think I was ready

toomanycats · Jan 17, 2019 at 05:26 PM

holy crap the SH urges are intense now that we've talked about it.

Lemoncake · Jan 17, 2019 at 05:34 PM

I've chilled my beans.

Thanks for the speedy reply and support.

JaneTennison1 · Jan 17, 2019 at 06:00 PM

Dear t

I expected to feel better after talking to you but I dont. I just feel meh

blackocean · Jan 17, 2019 at 06:28 PM

what the hell are you doing?
do you think I don't notice?
I think I hate you. but I'm addicted to you.
What a mess.

nottrustin · Jan 17, 2019 at 07:27 PM

What if I reach put and become to much for you, what if I SI?? Will you kick me to the curb? Right now I want that. I don't want to deal with therapy anymore. I am so done.

88Butterfly88 · Jan 17, 2019 at 09:07 PM

Dear T,

Thank you for making me feel I could be honest with you and not judging me today. See you next week.

-Butterfly

velcro003 · Jan 17, 2019 at 10:14 PM

hi t. nothing really to say, except, hi.

SummerTime12 · Jan 17, 2019 at 10:19 PM

Sorry I got mad at you

Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVIII

I’ve never let that show before.. idk if you could tell or not. I think what feels like expressing a ton of anger to me is what showing a little bit of irritability might look like to most people

atisketatasket · Jan 17, 2019 at 10:31 PM

Dear Info,

Whenever I actually want to talk to you (which does not happen often), it seems like something interferes. One of us is sick, I mess up the time, and now you’re at a funeral.

How long do funerals take in your family, anyway? More than a week, apparently. Never mind, by the time you’re back I’ll be avoidant and derisive again and all will be as normal.

ATAT

Jan 17, 2019 at 11:21 PM

You know what your problem is? I'll just pick one of the many for now. Your problem is that you treat people like dirt. You think of them only in terms of what you can use them for and then discard them. You only hang on to certain ones because they serve to decorate your office or may come in handy if you get yourself into a bind. Otherwise, you use them to fill your needs and dispose of them with the trash. How ironic your subjects are primarily women.

Echos Myron redux · Jan 18, 2019 at 04:40 AM

I still exist

ElectricManatee · Jan 18, 2019 at 04:48 AM

I hate this.

I want to quit.

Lemoncake · Jan 18, 2019 at 04:56 AM

Back to studying.

Exam in 11 days now.

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Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVIII

My Support Forums

goatee Member Member Since Jan 2017 Location: Florida Posts: 322 7 567 hugs given	Jan 17, 2019 at 01:14 PM #82 Ahhhh, T, are you ok??

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jan 17, 2019 at 01:28 PM #83 T: I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. I probably shouldn't be, but I am. I don't want to be opening myself up for attachment, but dang it. It's probably happening anyway. Kit

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jan 17, 2019 at 02:22 PM #84 Dear T: I am getting really overwhelmed looking at schools in which to apply to eventually become a CPA. Maybe I'm not ready for this. Kit

junkDNA Comfy Sedation Member Since Sep 2012 Location: the woods Posts: 19,301 (SuperPoster!) 11 8,149 hugs given	Jan 17, 2019 at 05:17 PM #87 dear t, having sex again really ****ed with me. I don't think I was ready __________________

toomanycats Grand Poohbah Member Since May 2017 Location: USA Posts: 1,734 6 542 hugs given	Jan 17, 2019 at 05:26 PM #88 holy crap the SH urges are intense now that we've talked about it.

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,691 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Jan 17, 2019 at 05:34 PM #89 I've chilled my beans. Thanks for the speedy reply and support. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

JaneTennison1 Magnate Member Since Aug 2014 Location: US Posts: 2,202 9 121 hugs given	Jan 17, 2019 at 06:00 PM #90 Dear t I expected to feel better after talking to you but I dont. I just feel meh

blackocean Member Member Since Aug 2018 Location: USA Posts: 244 5 28 hugs given	Jan 17, 2019 at 06:28 PM #91 what the hell are you doing? do you think I don't notice? I think I hate you. but I'm addicted to you. What a mess.

nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Jan 17, 2019 at 07:27 PM #92 What if I reach put and become to much for you, what if I SI?? Will you kick me to the curb? Right now I want that. I don't want to deal with therapy anymore. I am so done. __________________

88Butterfly88 Moderator Community Support Team Member Since Dec 2015 Location: New Jersey Posts: 54,190 (SuperPoster!) 8 10.5k hugs given	Jan 17, 2019 at 09:07 PM #93 Dear T, Thank you for making me feel I could be honest with you and not judging me today. See you next week. -Butterfly

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Jan 17, 2019 at 10:14 PM #94 hi t. nothing really to say, except, hi.

SummerTime12 Grand Member Member Since Mar 2013 Location: USA Posts: 876 11 601 hugs given	Jan 17, 2019 at 10:19 PM #95 Sorry I got mad at you I’ve never let that show before.. idk if you could tell or not. I think what feels like expressing a ton of anger to me is what showing a little bit of irritability might look like to most people

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,157 6 1,833 hugs given	Jan 18, 2019 at 04:40 AM #98 I still exist

ElectricManatee Magnate Member Since May 2017 Location: Earth Posts: 2,515 6 4,704 hugs given	Jan 18, 2019 at 04:48 AM #99 I hate this. I want to quit.

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,691 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Jan 18, 2019 at 04:56 AM #100 Back to studying. Exam in 11 days now. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."