Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVIII

SlumberKitty · Feb 26, 2019 at 02:09 PM

HUGS Artie

SlumberKitty · Feb 26, 2019 at 02:29 PM

Former T: I wish you would text me. Current T: I wish you were here, or I were there. Kit

lucozader · Feb 26, 2019 at 04:00 PM

Yeahhhhhh. Actually could really do with seeing you tomorrow.

Anastasia~ · Feb 26, 2019 at 04:50 PM

I feel dead inside. I wasn't able to go out on what I told you. I feel alone with this deadness.

fouracres · Feb 26, 2019 at 05:16 PM

You’d be really proud of me right now. Heck, I am proud of myself for once. Thanks for holding space for me through an awful dark period in my life. I think I’m finally turning the corner. Even if this doesn’t pan out, I still feel good about how I handled this obstacle.

Also, thank you for being the only person who doesn’t ask me for anything.

Feb 26, 2019 at 06:00 PM

Get outta my head would ya?!

LabRat27 · Feb 26, 2019 at 06:02 PM

Why do little kids ask their parents the same stupid question over and over again when they already know the answer? Like asking if there are monsters under their bed when they already know their parent is going to say no, that their parent's answer isn't going to change?
And why do I want to do the same thing with you? Why do I want to ask you over and over whether you hate me, whether you think I'm a bad person, whether you think I deserve to be punished...? It feels manipulative because I know what your answers are going to be, so that's clearly not why I'm asking.

SlumberKitty · Feb 26, 2019 at 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LabRat27

Why do little kids ask their parents the same stupid question over and over again when they already know the answer? Like asking if there are monsters under their bed when they already know their parent is going to say no, that their parent's answer isn't going to change?
And why do I want to do the same thing with you? Why do I want to ask you over and over whether you hate me, whether you think I'm a bad person, whether you think I deserve to be punished...? It feels manipulative because I know what your answers are going to be, so that's clearly not why I'm asking.

I used to do that with my former T as well. IDK why. Maybe I needed the reassurance? HUGS Kit

Feb 26, 2019 at 06:22 PM

This is so stupid, t. I want to call but I can't let myself. I don't understand me.

Echos Myron redux · Feb 26, 2019 at 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LabRat27

Why do little kids ask their parents the same stupid question over and over again when they already know the answer? Like asking if there are monsters under their bed when they already know their parent is going to say no, that their parent's answer isn't going to change?
And why do I want to do the same thing with you? Why do I want to ask you over and over whether you hate me, whether you think I'm a bad person, whether you think I deserve to be punished...? It feels manipulative because I know what your answers are going to be, so that's clearly not why I'm asking.

Maybe you are really asking "are you going to be consistent - can I trust you to be what I need?" You can only know that from testing it and finding out. That's not manipulative, that's meeting your need for safety. You cognitively might know his answer but some part of you needs him to prove he is safe. You are honouring that part.

SlumberKitty · Feb 26, 2019 at 06:43 PM

Dear Former T: I listened to one of your old voicemails. Why do I torture myself? It's the one where you told me I wasn't forgotten (you were on vacation) and I was feeling forgotten, and you told me that I was thought about regularly. I wonder if that still applies. Do you still think of me? Am I forgotten now? Why do I do this to myself? I miss you so much. I still love you. Kit

junkDNA · Feb 27, 2019 at 03:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LabRat27

Why do little kids ask their parents the same stupid question over and over again when they already know the answer? Like asking if there are monsters under their bed when they already know their parent is going to say no, that their parent's answer isn't going to change?
And why do I want to do the same thing with you? Why do I want to ask you over and over whether you hate me, whether you think I'm a bad person, whether you think I deserve to be punished...? It feels manipulative because I know what your answers are going to be, so that's clearly not why I'm asking.

I used to do the same thing

are you mad at me?
do you care about me?

Waterloo12345 · Feb 27, 2019 at 03:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LabRat27

Why do little kids ask their parents the same stupid question over and over again when they already know the answer? Like asking if there are monsters under their bed when they already know their parent is going to say no, that their parent's answer isn't going to change?
And why do I want to do the same thing with you? Why do I want to ask you over and over whether you hate me, whether you think I'm a bad person, whether you think I deserve to be punished...? It feels manipulative because I know what your answers are going to be, so that's clearly not why I'm asking.

Because you've not yet internalized the answer. You'll need to hear, see, feel, experience the same answer from him again and again and again before you internalize it. If saying once could overcome years of hurt - sign me up.

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Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVIII

My Support Forums

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Feb 26, 2019 at 02:09 PM #981 HUGS Artie __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Feb 26, 2019 at 02:29 PM #982 Former T: I wish you would text me. Current T: I wish you were here, or I were there. Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA

lucozader Most Dangerous Member Since Feb 2017 Location: UK Posts: 2,920 7 7,642 hugs given	Feb 26, 2019 at 04:00 PM #983 Yeahhhhhh. Actually could really do with seeing you tomorrow.

Anastasia~ Poohbah Member Since Jul 2017 Location: Somewhere Posts: 1,019 6 5,296 hugs given	Feb 26, 2019 at 04:50 PM #984 I feel dead inside. I wasn't able to go out on what I told you. I feel alone with this deadness. __________________

fouracres Member Member Since Jan 2019 Location: USA Posts: 27 5 22 hugs given	Feb 26, 2019 at 05:16 PM #985 You’d be really proud of me right now. Heck, I am proud of myself for once. Thanks for holding space for me through an awful dark period in my life. I think I’m finally turning the corner. Even if this doesn’t pan out, I still feel good about how I handled this obstacle. Also, thank you for being the only person who doesn’t ask me for anything.

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 26, 2019 at 06:00 PM #986 Get outta my head would ya?!

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 26, 2019 at 06:22 PM #989 This is so stupid, t. I want to call but I can't let myself. I don't understand me.