Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVIII

toomanycats · Jan 19, 2019 at 04:41 PM

Are you enjoying your weekend without my constant emails?
I miss you.

winterblues17 · Jan 19, 2019 at 04:45 PM

So today was an ok day despite still feeling ill, I'm really over that part because it's been weeks now and doesn't seem to be getting any better! Anyway today was ok, my relationship with 2 people have grown these last few weeks since u left. One being a friendship and one seeming to be heading to more than that!
I'm looking back thinking neither would have been possible without you opening me and and showing me it's ok to want and need others and be wanted and needed in return. And for that I thank you, but I do have two issues, one I don't yet have the self esteem to Persue the possible romantic relationship, and two I'm deeply missing having you in my life!
However I look back on today as progress, and I think you would smile at that and be a little proud!

Lemoncake · 05:02 PM

Possible trigger:

I sometimes feel like being on PC isn't such a good thing for me.The bog standard advice is always to "reach out" when you're struggling with suicidal thoughts and wanting to hurt yourself. Yep I'm still alive today, but do you really know it's really like to be in that head space?

I think I'm just disappointed with your lack of response.Maybe you don't think I'm severe enough? Is my pain not real? Or maybe my expectation is too much- what exactly is a T supposed to do with someone like me? Is it too much too hope that you'd offer me an earlier session? Or reply on friday to see if I was still okay?

I don't know if I'm going to turn up on tuesday despite paying in advance for the next two sessions. I think I just find it humiliating more than anything else.

But I can do this alone.

atisketatasket · Jan 19, 2019 at 09:47 PM

Dear Info,

I don’t feeled wanted or welcomed anymore. By anyone, anywhere.

ATAT

velcro003 · Jan 19, 2019 at 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Dear Info,

I don’t feeled wanted or welcomed anymore. By anyone, anywhere.

ATAT

i would miss you if you weren't here

velcro003 · Jan 19, 2019 at 10:52 PM

hey t--sorry for the late night email. now im going to worry that you are going to take back your support and realize if i am agonizing over this so much, maybe it isn't such a good idea. omg.

Waterloo12345 · Jan 20, 2019 at 02:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

Possible trigger:

I sometimes feel like being on PC isn't such a good thing for me.The bog standard advice is always to "reach out" when you're struggling with suicidal thoughts and wanting to hurt yourself. Yep I'm still alive today, but do you really know it's really like to be in that head space?

I think I'm just disappointed with your lack of response.Maybe you don't think I'm severe enough? Is my pain not real? Or maybe my expectation is too much- what exactly is a T supposed to do with someone like me? Is it too much too hope that you'd offer me an earlier session? Or reply on friday to see if I was still okay?

I can delete if you don't want a response but I've been in that headspace and its beyond crap. I reached out to my t by email and I would get a few lines about holding in mind and redirect to next session. That's just what she did. And to be fair it was helpful but also I didn't expect anymore.

There was once she called cause I'm guess she judged the plan, intention etc was there but that was once. Also ended in hospital that night do she prob judged correctly.

Point is she never called, offered a session or followed up. I asked once for a sesh and she gave but it came from me. I think the nuance is in who you reach out to.

So I've also reached out my doc. He just lets me write numerous emails. He doesn't respond. When I see him in person he offers practical solutions - that's his way of responding.

So trying to say that certain classes of persons may only be able to respond in certain ways for their reasons, nothing to do with your severity or you. Sending good vibes.

Jan 20, 2019 at 04:16 AM

I am waiting for you to apologize.

winterblues17 · Jan 20, 2019 at 04:37 AM

I dreamt of saying bye to you again last night! I still miss you, can't believe it's not even been 2 weeks yet, and I gotta do how long... oh yeah forever!

LostOnTheTrail · Jan 20, 2019 at 05:19 AM

It hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday...I feel safest at work.
I don't know why.

Echos Myron redux · Jan 20, 2019 at 06:20 AM

Hi T. Hi Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi.

Seriously T stop having a life I'm not part of.

Merope · Jan 20, 2019 at 07:59 AM

I'm feeling so scared and alone right now. And pathetic for feeling this way in the first place.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 20, 2019 at 08:23 AM

Dear T,
So that was kind of a strange dream about you. You were my medical doctor and suggested a certain thing might be wrong with me. And I even saw medication to treat that in packaging with your face on it, like you marketed the treatment or something. But then you said you couldn't test me for it, that I had to go see my gyn instead. Which made me feel both rejected and a bit angry, because you'd suggested you could help me. Hm...So I guess I see what the interpretation could be, but don't know why I'm having the dream now?

Love,
LT

88Butterfly88 · Jan 20, 2019 at 09:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merope

I'm feeling so scared and alone right now. And pathetic for feeling this way in the first place.

You have us.

Merope · Jan 20, 2019 at 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 88Butterfly88

You have us.

I appreciate this!

junkDNA · Jan 20, 2019 at 09:47 AM

I love you and I'm sorry!!!

DP_2017 · Jan 20, 2019 at 10:08 AM

I've had enough, I wanna know how you are, complete ******** I can't because of who I am. These rules don't help everyone, I'm worse off than ever.

captgut · Jan 20, 2019 at 11:19 AM

I'm tired, I can't do it anymore, I just can't,
I'm so alone, I'm sorry

Jan 20, 2019 at 12:00 PM

May all the misery you caused me be returned to you and double!

Who ever thought a therapist would go around hurting clients?

nottrustin · Jan 20, 2019 at 12:53 PM

After a great day with family yesterday, I miss you more than ever today.

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Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVIII

My Support Forums

toomanycats Grand Poohbah Member Since May 2017 Location: USA Posts: 1,734 6 542 hugs given	Jan 19, 2019 at 04:41 PM #121 Are you enjoying your weekend without my constant emails? I miss you.

atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,146 (SuperPoster!) 8 12.4k hugs given	Jan 19, 2019 at 09:47 PM #124 Dear Info, I don’t feeled wanted or welcomed anymore. By anyone, anywhere. ATAT

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Jan 19, 2019 at 10:52 PM #126 hey t--sorry for the late night email. now im going to worry that you are going to take back your support and realize if i am agonizing over this so much, maybe it isn't such a good idea. omg.

Anonymous59275 Guest Posts: n/a	Jan 20, 2019 at 04:16 AM #128 I am waiting for you to apologize.

winterblues17 Member Member Since Nov 2017 Location: UK Posts: 379 6 62 hugs given	Jan 20, 2019 at 04:37 AM #129 I dreamt of saying bye to you again last night! I still miss you, can't believe it's not even been 2 weeks yet, and I gotta do how long... oh yeah forever!

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,160 6 1,833 hugs given	Jan 20, 2019 at 06:20 AM #131 Hi T. Hi Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi. Seriously T stop having a life I'm not part of.

Merope Veteran Member Member Since Jan 2018 Location: Somewhere in a cloud Posts: 719 6 479 hugs given	Jan 20, 2019 at 07:59 AM #132 I'm feeling so scared and alone right now. And pathetic for feeling this way in the first place.

junkDNA Comfy Sedation Member Since Sep 2012 Location: the woods Posts: 19,301 (SuperPoster!) 11 8,149 hugs given	Jan 20, 2019 at 09:47 AM #136 I love you and I'm sorry!!! __________________

DP_2017 Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2017 Location: A house Posts: 4,412 6 665 hugs given	Jan 20, 2019 at 10:08 AM #137 I've had enough, I wanna know how you are, complete ******** I can't because of who I am. These rules don't help everyone, I'm worse off than ever. __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love.

captgut Grand Poohbah Member Since Jan 2017 Location: Here Posts: 1,731 7 1,505 hugs given	Jan 20, 2019 at 11:19 AM #138 I'm tired, I can't do it anymore, I just can't, I'm so alone, I'm sorry

Anonymous59275 Guest Posts: n/a	Jan 20, 2019 at 12:00 PM #139 May all the misery you caused me be returned to you and double! Who ever thought a therapist would go around hurting clients?

nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Jan 20, 2019 at 12:53 PM #140 After a great day with family yesterday, I miss you more than ever today. __________________