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Old 01-16-2019, 10:25 AM #11
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Default Re: How Did You Tell?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahSweden View Post
I told my T through an e-mail that I was afraid of losing her and I also mentioned a couple of things she said that had hurt me. (Because of me being so attached to her and me being "in love with the transference".



At first she scheduled a new appointment but me telling her about my attachment made her see her supervisor who I guess partly because of my attachment forced my T to end therapy with me.



This was never confirmed though, my T said it was because of their session limit we had already exceeded but I strongly believe it also had to do with the fact that my therapist:


1: Doesnīt know how to untangle transference feelings from a client.
2: Felt countertransference and warm feelings towards me she didnīt know how to handle.



So as a short answer, I told my T about my attachment to her in an e-mail and she abandoned me partly for that.



A bit off topic but I think itīs far and foremost therapists who own their practises and who work with "paying clients" who also knows how to work on more complicated cases and who expects transference and attachment as something to be dealt with. They need to be capable of that or else it's difficult to get a steady client base, especially if youīre a psychodynamically oriented therapist.



Therapists within public health care donīt know, donīt get the time and often arenīt aware about transference feelings and by that thereīs a huge risk to let clients down and leave them in abandonment.
Sorry this happened to you. We should be able to, are encouraged to, reveal all. This is such an emotional undertaking and if a T doesn't want to deal with all the things that come with it, they flat out need to find another career. It's ****** that you were blocked because you were honest. Even more, you felt a connection and it was disrespected. Makes me wanna go shoot rubber bands at that T.
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Old 01-16-2019, 10:49 AM #12
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Default Re: How Did You Tell?

I never told them. A piece of me feared her pulling back or even stopping therapy. Plus I honestly didnt feel the need to. I know there was a lot of transferance going both ways. We just made it all work.
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Old 01-16-2019, 01:19 PM #13
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Default Re: How Did You Tell?

My T knew from the start that I might attach to her. I didn't have to say I was attached when it finally happened. Actually, when it finally happened is when I asked for a hug. But our goal was to delay attachment as long as possible so that I can really get to know her first. Now, telling her that I love her was the hard part, abd asking her if she loved me.

I'm going to bring up my history of attachment right away with interim T. For one, I might get attached to her, and two, I'll need to talk to her about my attachment to T. T says attachments are a good thing and that she wants me to attach to new T. She prefers it. She hopes that interim T will remain in my life so that there's more than one person who won't abandon me. Plus she fears that if I don't attach, and something little is said or done wrong, I'd be much more likely to give up rather than work through it.

I don't want to attach to interim T. I feel like I'll be cheating on T, and I also don't want to choose between the two when T comes back. But given my history and my gut feeling about this woman, I'm probably going to attach to her.
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Old 01-16-2019, 03:14 PM #14
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Default Re: How Did You Tell?

Thanks. Yes, my T even said that itīs possible to "fall in love" with a therapist which I already knew but when the actual feelings were there she couldnīt handle it. She was an alternative therapist and by that I know she isnīt educated about transference or how to work with attachment.



As you say connection is encouraged and should be honored but in my case I think my T felt too strongly about me, not in a loving sense but more that she was afraid Iīd hurt myself if sheīd leave me. She told me she was worried how Iīd react if she told me we had to end therapy and I believe she was. But thatīs also part of lacking knowledge, especially as I never said anything about hurting myself or similar when therapy had to end.



Yes, I wish every day I could do something about her betrayal, you mention "shooting rubber bands" but unfortunately thereīs nothing to do about it. An angry letter or similar wonīt change anything as she wonīt respond.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Nemo1934 View Post
Sorry this happened to you. We should be able to, are encouraged to, reveal all. This is such an emotional undertaking and if a T doesn't want to deal with all the things that come with it, they flat out need to find another career. It's ****** that you were blocked because you were honest. Even more, you felt a connection and it was disrespected. Makes me wanna go shoot rubber bands at that T.
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Old 01-16-2019, 04:28 PM #15
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Default Re: How Did You Tell?

Sarah, you don't know that's what happened. Iirc, your therapist had given you more sessions than she was allowed to. When she sought supervision from her supervisor, this came to light, and the supervisor, who didn't know or care about you, saw no reason for you to receive special treatment (meaning more sessions than were allowed). That scenario sounds like something that could happen very easily to me, particularly since you were utilizing free services. Oftentimes organizations offering free services, such as rape crisis centers, centers for lgbt issues, etc. have a session limit so as to be able to help as many people as possible. Your therapist should have been clearer with you that she couldn't help you indefinitely, but you haven't mentioned anything that suggests she ditched you because you were overly attached.
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