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Poohbah
Lrad123
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#41
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My therapist said that he thinks I need “someone to push up against” which is strange because I think of myself as a fully functioning adult. As a kid, though, I was exceptionally well-behaved and good and had minimal needs, so maybe this is what’s showing up in therapy. Although of course I’d like him to reply to my emails, I feel strangely comforted by his saying no, explaining it kindly, and still being there. I guess it makes me feel “held” in a way. |
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LonesomeTonight, SalingerEsme, SlumberKitty, Waterloo12345
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SalingerEsme
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Always in This Twilight
LonesomeTonight
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#42
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The bolded part would describe me as a kid, too. In some ways, I find stuff that I didn't get to express (or feel comfortable/safe expressing) in childhood coming out in therapy. In one way, feeling OK sharing my needs. But also conflicts that I developmentally should have had with my parents as a teen, they seem to come out at times with current T and did with ex-T/ex-MC. So that's maybe going on for you as well. |
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SlumberKitty
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Lrad123
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
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#43
I'm hoping the 2 times a week sessions will be helpful to you. I never tried that with former T but it might have made me email her less if I had her more to talk to during the week. I'm sure there still would have been the need to express myself especially after a hard session. I tended to think I "contaminated" her or something like that if we had talked about something bad that had happened to me and I needed a lot of reassurance that I hadn't. I suppose I could have waited until the next session but that would have been really hard. The T I have now doesn't email at all, and I do miss it, but I also find in some ways it's easier. I don't have that anxiety over whether or not she'll respond and stuff. But I also don't feel like we are making the same sort of progress. It's a struggle. I appreciate that. HUGS Kit
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LonesomeTonight
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Poohbah
Lrad123
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#44
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LonesomeTonight
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Anne2.0
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#45
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I suspect that those of us who were not allowed to misbehave or (as they say in the south) cause a fuss may often find the anger blooming in therapy. Safe target, maybe, or at least understanding. I think it's clear that your T does not think you are "bad" for asking for replies or writing angry emails. And I'm glad you feel comforted and held, because even if he's not responding like you want him to, he's not ignoring you, shaming you, or trying to get you to do it differently. It sounds like he is patiently listening in and out of session, and trying to work towards helping you-- which may mean not giving you what you want. |
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LonesomeTonight
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Poohbah
Lrad123
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#46
The logical part of me is trying to understand what’s going on and I found this quote which I think explains pretty much exactly what he’s doing:
“The good-enough mother...starts off with an almost complete adaptation to her infant's needs, and as time proceeds she adapts less and less completely, gradually, according to the infant's growing ability to deal with her failure.” (Winnicott, 1953) |
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Waterloo12345
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#47
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Anonymous45127, SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
Lrad123
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#48
I had to look up the word truculently, Lol. Right now I’m strangely ok with his methods but I reserve the right to change my mind in a few days. Usually about 4 days post-session is when I start feeling all negative.
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Waterloo12345
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Waterloo12345
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#49
But now you've got 2 sessions so cross fingers you'll not get there whoop whoop !!
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Poohbah
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#50
I just asked my T for a second session each week because I only get him eight out of the 12 months of the year as it is. I know he’ll say no but at least I tried.
I hope your second session will help with your anxiety and dealing with all the feels between sessions. Glad you could get it. |
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#51
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Quote:
RE the no response to email. I think I would have a major problem with not getting at least what would be equivalent to an auto response indicating that the email was received/delivered. I think in the long run this would be a deal breaker for me. I'm glad to see that it is sitting ok for you as this is your therapy and what your needs are is what is important here. |
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Anne2.0, Anonymous45127, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
Lrad123
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#52
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Elio, SlumberKitty
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susannahsays
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#53
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#54
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With stopping emails, your emotions are drawn out to work through in session with your T. This is how it's supposed to work in the therapy you are doing. You hit on something here-you can't rationalize the why's. The therapy has a way of ending this intellectualizing which takes you out of that world and into your emotional side which, if you were always 'good', likely isn't well connected to yourself and expressed in the world. Your intellect has been overcompensating, and your T is helping you to express it and get to know yourself better; be more like yourself. Unfortunately, the intellectualizing is a defense and through this process it dissolves and leaves you with many painful or uncomfortable feelings. I don't think you are being irrational; it's a normal response to having a need withheld, and a reaction just about anyone would have in this type of therapy. It can be difficult to tolerate whether one has attachment issues or not. Also, your mind changes to tolerate distress (part of ego strength). Your T is referring to fragmentation, I think. Your T will temporarily hold your ego together through containment until yours is strong enough, related to the stuff you are reading in Winnicott. The key is to go along with it and not fight Seriously. That doesn't mean you hold back anger, quite the opposite. I think you're doing fine. |
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Lrad123
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