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Old 04-01-2019, 02:47 PM #161
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Default Re: LT's thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
It's interesting that you don't think he's giving you frequent reassurance. Maybe you just tend to write more about the reassurances he does give. I wonder what frequent reassurance would look like to you, and also if your pattern of reassurance seeking is not just anxiety, but more complicated, like an OCD behavior. When you talk about it, that's what comes to my mind.

I think I'm just someone who seeks lots of reassurance. I could definitely see it being an OCD thing, as I have that as well. It's interesting that from your perspective he does give a lot of reassurance. Do others think that as well? I may have just been spoiled by ex-MC.
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Old 04-01-2019, 02:52 PM #162
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Yes he definitely gives it often. More than many ts i read about

Your current t is probably closer to how average people are although he gives more than most too but yes ex mc was way more than ts typically do. Thankfully current t is not ex mc.

I just think you work more on your value and self worth you might not need as much reassurance
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Old 04-01-2019, 03:10 PM #163
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Cross-posting from couch because it's relevant. Will post more about session later (not sure if tonight or tomorrow):
T made a parenting analogy about his role as a therapist today. And used a couple related analogies in terms of his work with me. Like bird teaching its young to fly. But not pushing them from nest until he knows they can do it, then hed be there cheering them on. Also about never pushing me into the deep end of the pool before Im ready. It was sort of confusing as he doesnt tend to do that. And it made me think of ex-MC, who did often make those comparisons. Lots of emotions right now.
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Old 04-01-2019, 03:31 PM #164
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Yep that's a good way to describe therapist in our lives

It's ok to still have emotions over ex mc. Grief never ends really it just gets more manageable. You will probably always miss him and have sad times and it's ok
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Old 04-01-2019, 05:08 PM #165
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
I think I'm just someone who seeks lots of reassurance. I could definitely see it being an OCD thing, as I have that as well. It's interesting that from your perspective he does give a lot of reassurance. Do others think that as well? I may have just been spoiled by ex-MC.
to me, responding to emails is a form of reassurance even if paid for. my understanding is that he isnt paid for every email right? Yet it is important to him to reassure you. From what you report it sounds as though he is reassuring you in session also. he doesnt, however, break his boundaries of contact to reassure you like ex mc used to and maybe that is something worth exploring.

I know I have a hard time accepting care that isnt rooted in chaos and hurt because it is so confusing and new to me. ex mc blurred things and ultimately made things difficult and yet it is easier to think he "cared" than someone who will be there in a predictable, consistant way. It's easier sometimes when the chaos is familiar to think of something g as reassuring and caring even when it is not.

rambling away, sorry!!
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Old 04-01-2019, 05:37 PM #166
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
It's interesting that from your perspective he does give a lot of reassurance. Do others think that as well? I may have just been spoiled by ex-MC.
Yes, I do. It may be because I am more on the opposite end of the spectrum and very rarely seek reassurance from people, it was also similar in therapy.

I am pretty sure that your T finds you and working with you super interesting. I always have the impression that he likes challenge and you challenge him all the time in many ways, including to broaden his knowledge and therapeutic toolkit.

BTW, you may not idealize this T but I can do it for you And I am not someone prone to idealizing people. But when it comes to therapists, the ones I have encountered and read about here, your T is still by far my favorite. Perhaps because I am not so much into the very deep and extensive psychoanalytic type work many people here on PC love when it comes to therapy for myself and would prefer a more practical approach (in spite of being a very analytical and introspective person), but I love to read about it and explore on my own in everyday life.

One thing I wonder: when (many) people here suggest that you might do better with a T who is more of an expert working with transference and attachment, what would it be like and what benefits would it have for you? I personally don't have the impression, reading the session posts, that this T's style deepens your attachment and transference, more the opposite, that it keeps it at bay. Funny, I think we readers here project a lot of subjective things into your therapy
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Old 04-01-2019, 06:21 PM #167
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Default Re: LT's thread

Here are some articles on the subject you may find interesting since you do have OCD. One thing one of the articles mentions that I found interesting was the concept of reassurance vs. support. That could be something helpful to think about if you ever want to work on scaling back the reassurance you're asking for or receiving without just making yourself white knuckle it and try to cope on your own.

OCD and the Need for Reassurance

Reassurance: How it Prevents Recovery
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Old 04-01-2019, 06:38 PM #168
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Default Re: LT's thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
Here are some articles on the subject you may find interesting since you do have OCD. One thing one of the articles mentions that I found interesting was the concept of reassurance vs. support. That could be something helpful to think about if you ever want to work on scaling back the reassurance you're asking for or receiving without just making yourself white knuckle it and try to cope on your own.

OCD and the Need for Reassurance

Reassurance: How it Prevents Recovery

Thanks for sharing these. T has mentioned today and at other times providing support. I guess I hadn't thought of the differences between that vs. reassurance. It seemed today when he was talking about how he could respond to me when he thought I could handle something that he would express support as opposed to reassurance. So this makes a lot of sense. I think ex-MC tended more toward reassurance, even though he'd say "I shouldn't keep reassuring you." But he'd keep doing that.
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Old 04-01-2019, 08:03 PM #169
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Default Re: LT's thread

I feel like he does provide a decent amount of reassurance, but I get the sense from your write-ups that you feel like you have to really express your need for it loudly before he will provide it. He won't just offer reassurance to you at key moments, and that gives him a flavor of being ever-so-slightly withholding. It seems like the dynamic is that he doesn't meet your moments of deep emotion with any emotional depth of his own. This bothers you, you discuss it, then he finally clarifies his support/caring/etc. That's more my observation, although I can't really say whether this is a problem or an unhealthy pattern on either side.
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Old 04-01-2019, 08:37 PM #170
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It looks to me like you are doing the same sort of thing like you did with your female therapist and the marriage counselor - the marriage counselor was good and the female therapist was not. And the marriage counselor got you when female therapist did it wrong. Now it is current therapist who is good and marriage counselor who is not. That this guy is reacting slightly differently may or may not ultimately be useful to you - I hope he is.
But just my observation.
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