LT's thread - Page 5 - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-02-2019, 02:52 PM #41
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is online now
Swimming duck
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 11,627
LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is online now
Swimming duck
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 11,627 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
47.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: LT's thread

Yep, Words of affirmation at the top with 11.

Followed by tie at 7 of "acts of service" and "quality time"
Gift giving at 4
Physical touch at 1
LonesomeTonight is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
Old 02-02-2019, 04:11 PM #42
Anonymous55498
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Anonymous55498
Guest
Anonymous55498 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a

Default Re: LT's thread

I was also an only child and, if anything, I tend to have the opposite issue: not seeing/accepting almost anyone as authority. My parents never treated me in that way, in fact some of the problems I am still having are due to not learning good discipline/being disciplined as a child... My parents never followed my school projects, not even my grades too much (they were typically very good so no concerns). I do not tend to see authority merely based on position of someone relative to me, even a boss. I do in select cases based on competency and useful mentorship. But I would have never even thought of a T as an authority figure if I hadn't read it here on PC, or my first T tried to impose it (which I boldly rejected). But I definitely agree that if a parent has an authoritarian, perfectionistic style, an only child will probably suffer from it more than siblings. With siblings, there can be at least another person on a similar level to go to vent or rebel, but one child surrounded only by adults with overly high expectations has no one to give them a reality check if something is unrealistic.

It's funny LT, because I have the impression your T is trying to often go against that authority figure role in speech, to make you not see him as such, but this whole color coding the emailing sounds pretty controlling to me even if he adds there are no real consequences or nothing would affect your relationship negatively. I personally would not have liked that color coding either and would just prefer to have a clearer agreement on what the free/paid emailing rules are. I think the 15 minutes is very vague and inaccurate, how does he measure that at all? Does he always set a timer when he opens an emails from you or writes one? Does he never get distracted and finish an email later? But I understand it is hard to set clear rules with this and define the criteria. I would prefer word count per email, it is cleaner and easier to keep correctly. Even if he might sometimes write a longer email in 5 mins and spend a lot more on composing a shorter one.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-03-2019, 02:00 PM #43
Lrad123 Lrad123 is offline
Grand Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 886
Lrad123 Lrad123 is offline
Grand Member
Lrad123 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 886

1 yr Member
272 hugs
given
Default Re: LT's thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
Or T's taking something away, like email. Or someone on the forum whose T still lets her email but he won't respond." T: "That doesn't seem right to me. I feel that if I offer something in the beginning, like replying to emails, then I should continue to do that." Me: "I appreciate that. Or if it was a case where you didn't think email was helpful to me, we'd discuss it and come up with a solution together instead of you deciding on it.".
This session with your T was particularly interesting for me to read given my history of emails with my T. I suppose our situations are different and clearly our Tís practice differently. I do very much like your T and the way you discuss things. Iím still going back & forth on how I feel about having email responses rescinded. I do think heís kind and good, and perhaps his reasons for that should be good enough. Sometimes they are and sometimes they arenít. I think our relationship has pivoted, possibly in a good way, with my being able to bring more into sessions rather than keeping our relationship in emails. But I do go back to feeling upset about it from time to time because itís hard when I remember that I used to get replies, but now I donít, no matter what (except for scheduling). And reading your discussion with your T about all this sort of stirs it all up for me and makes me realize Iím not quite over it yet. So thanks for making me think.
Lrad123 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-08-2019, 08:15 PM #44
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is online now
Swimming duck
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 11,627
LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is online now
Swimming duck
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 11,627 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
47.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: LT's thread

Will write up T sessions (Monday/Thursday) and consulting T session (Wednesday) sometime this weekend. Decided to stay with T, for now at least, but that will make more sense (I think?) from the writeups.
LonesomeTonight is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 02-11-2019, 09:59 AM #45
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is online now
Swimming duck
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 11,627
LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is online now
Swimming duck
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 11,627 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
47.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: LT's thread

OK, not going to write up Monday's and feel sort of weird writing up the consulting T one. Plus part of those are summarized in here.

T Thursday. A cancelled and then rescheduled session. Went back and sat down. I had trouble looking at T at first. Me: "I guess I need to talk about what's going on. Thanks for being willing to see me after I canceled." T: "Of course. I think it's better to discuss what's going on." Me: "I know the email stuff probably didn't make much sense." T: "Yes, I'm confused as to what's going on right now, so why don't you tell me what you're feeling?"

I started to cry. Me: "Damn it, didn't mean to start crying this early." I picked up the box of tissues and sat it next to me. Me: "I guess first...I need to share something with you." T: "OK." Me: "I ended up consulting with someone yesterday. I know I probably should have told you first, but it seemed kind of passive-aggressive to do that over email, like 'I'm upset with you, now I'm going to see someone else.' And I was originally going to try to see someone while you were away, but it turned out that she was away then, too, and she had an opening yesterday, so...I figured I'd go." T: "Well, I would have preferred if you'd told me first, but as I've said before you're completely free to consult with someone or see someone else for a while." Me (more tears): "Sorry for not telling you first." T: "It's OK. You're acting like you cheated on me or something." Me: "I guess I sort of feel like that?" T: "But you don't really owe me anything. This sort of fits with my saying the client has more power." Me: "I guess you could consult about me with...a client?" T: "Not really." Me: "Another T? But I guess it's not quite the same."

T: "Can you tell me what made you decide to get consultation now? I assume it was about your therapy in here, right?" Me: "Yes. It was just...after session on Monday, I just felt, like I said in the one email, despondent. I spent much of the rest of Monday and part of Tuesday crying off and on. My sending you the email...I should have waited to figure out more of what I was feeling before sending it. Because I know it may not have made a lot of sense why I was upset. But it's like, I just wanted the sadness to stop. And I was hoping your reply would help with that. But then it just felt, I don't know, kind of generic, I guess. And I'd just had an extra session last week, so I felt I couldn't ask for that. So I started looking at other T's on Psychology Today. And then Tuesday I emailed some, saying maybe I just wanted a session or two about an issue. One of the women who got back to me, I replied and said it was to consult about my therapy, and she said she'd be happy to help. She's someone who has a lot of training in attachment. She said she had a session yesterday open, so I just decided to take that because I was feeling so sad and felt I needed to discuss it with someone."

T: "OK. Do you want to talk about what you talked about with her?" Me: "I feel kind of awkward about it, but OK. I wasn't initially going to tell her your name,but then she asked, and I was kind of concerned that she would know you--and she doesn't. Actually I was worried by some freak chance it would be one of your backup T's." T: "Well, they both work out of this office. It would have been a bit passive-aggressive if you'd chosen one of them." Me: "Yeah...because then you might have seen me in the waiting room." T: "Exactly, like you were doing it just to make it clear that I knew what you were doing."

Me: "So with the T I consulted with, K, before I went in, I wrote up some notes. I didn't even end up looking at them. But I started with positive things from the therapy, then ended up writing...less-positive things?" T: "Side effects?" Me: "Yes, side effects, that's a good way to put it--you could list them on your business card in tiny print like in the drug ads." T: "Helps with depression but may cause a strange rash." Me: "Well, at least I haven't had the strange rash side effect yet!"

I mentioned a few things I talked to her about, including transference. And I told T that she said he clearly doesn't understand transference, that pretty much all adults in therapy have some form of transference. I forget what he said to that. Maybe nothing?

We went back to Monday's session and what had affected me so much. I talked about how I felt weird about our discussion about backup T's. How it turned out they were mainly just for crisis. And how he'd said if I liked one better and opted to switch to them, that would be problematic, because then one of them would have "stolen" his client. Me: "It bothers me because I'd like to think you would just want what's best for me, even if it's one of your backups. And the stolen makes me feel like property or something." He said that must have come out wrong. And that of course he does want what's best for me.

I said how with the dream, I'd figured we'd just end up discussing ex-MC. And he took it in a different direction than I'd expected, by saying he got the sense I wasn't getting what I needed from therapy. T: "Well, that's the sense I got from your dream. It seemed like your emotions in it were really strong." Me: "Yeah...but I guess it felt to me like you were saying, 'I can tell you're not getting what you need--or maybe want?--from therapy, but I'm not going to give it to you.' And I didn't know where to go with that. It suggested you felt like I needed to see someone else to get my needs met. And, like, I know that would be the ethical thing to do, but I guess there's this part of me that wanted you to be like, 'I want to make this work with you' or something. And then at the end, I asked you, 'Are you saying I need to see someone else?' And you said, 'We haven't figured that out yet,' it was just upsetting to me, but we only had a minute left, so..." T: "Well, we hadn't figured it out." Me: "Yeah...I guess not."

Me: "I guess I just think of a couple months ago when you said maybe I needed a more warm and fuzzy T." T: "I don't think I told you that--I think I asked if maybe that's what you thought would be better?" Me: "Yeah, I guess it was more of a question." T: "Have you thought about that more?" Me: "Well, it's like I said then, part of me wants that. But I think it would lead me down a bad path of being dependent, not wanting to leave them. Kind of like how you said if I hadn't had the rupture with ex-MC, you wondered if I'd ever leave him because of the good feelings I got." T: "Yes." Me: "It's like...the younger part of me, maybe the more emotional part of me wants that, but the more intellectual, adult part realizes that it's better for me in the long run to not be with someone like that." I forget what he said to that.

Me: "And with ex-MC, it's like you've said before, there was some enmeshment there." T: "Yes, you both definitely played into what happened there." Me: "Yeah, and I don't see any danger of you getting enmeshed with me."

I think I mentioned how he's said I think about therapy/therapeutic relationship too much. T: "I'm just concerned with how therapy is affecting you. You talk about being upset after session sometimes. And I worry that therapy is taking away energy that could be used in other parts of your life, like family or hobbies." Me: "Yeah, I think about that, too. I was talking to H the other night, and he said it's like I can lose a whole day at times, like being kinda out of it." T: "Yes, I don't want therapy to leave you feeling so bad." Me: "I mean, I know it's not like it's always going to be happy, like I'm going to be skipping and singing out of the office. But still...I'm not sure what the solution is. I'm going to be ruminating about something regardless because of how my mind works."

T: "I don't know. What do you think?" Me: "I mean, maybe I should try only coming once a week? Or take a break from therapy entirely?" T: "Or if you wanted to see someone else for a bit, you can always come back here." Me: "I know, thanks. Or maybe I just need to not discuss it so much with people, like if I took a break from PC?" T: "You seem to be thinking about this very scientifically. Any of those would be experiments you could try." Me: "And I guess none are irreversible." T: "Exactly. I'd only suggest that if you're trying something, you do that for at a minimum 10-14 days, so you could really tell the effects." Me: "Yeah, and if it was coming here less often, it would probably need to be longer." T: "Yes. But if you tried it and realized you needed to come in a second time, that would be OK too."

Me: "I guess another thing with being upset after session...it's that sometimes some major thing will come up in the last few minutes. Sometimes it's my doing--I told a friend I need a shock collar to stop me from doing that or something. But other times it's a comment you make." T: "Hm, so maybe we need to make the last 5 or 10 minutes lighter?" Me: "Yeah, maybe. Though then what if something came up with 11 minutes left?" T: "It's all stuff to think about." Me: "Yeah."

Me: "I figure I can see how things go and how I feel the week you're away. Because my intention is not to contact you at all, unless there was a major crisis." T: "If you end up emailing me, it's OK. I'll just reply the next day. It's not like you're a lawnmower I'm working on that I'd just throw a tarp over and get back to when I get home. You're a person, you're my client, and I have a responsibility to you." Me: "Thanks."

We were almost over time. T asked if I'd made any decisions. I said I wanted to stick with him for now, that I thought this had been a good conversation. Confirmed next week, went over to pay. He handed me a business card with both backup Ts' info on it. I thanked him and paid. As he shook my hand, T said: "Have a good weekend--doctor's orders!" I smiled and said, "Thanks, I'll do my best. You, too." T: "Take care." Me: "You too."

I'm not sure how well it came out in the writeup, but it really feels like he cares and just wants what's best for me. It felt like a good, important discussion, that I imagine will be an ongoing one. And I think it cleared the air about some things.
LonesomeTonight is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 02-11-2019, 11:34 AM #46
DP_2017's Avatar
DP_2017 DP_2017 is online now
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,307
DP_2017 DP_2017 is online now
Grand Magnate
DP_2017's Avatar
DP_2017 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,307 (SuperPoster!)

1 yr Member
662 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: LT's thread

Lt

Sounds good and productive. I really like that he pointed put clients have more power. I agree and it's not common to see therapists admit that so I respect him for it

I am glad you have a better sense of future plans. I hope you finds something that works for you
__________________
Grief is the price you pay for love.
DP_2017 is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-11-2019, 11:57 AM #47
JaneTennison1 JaneTennison1 is online now
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Aug 2014
Location: US
Posts: 1,795
JaneTennison1 JaneTennison1 is online now
Grand Poohbah
JaneTennison1 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2014
Location: US
Posts: 1,795

3 yr Member
103 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: LT's thread

I love that your T picked up on how much therapy bleeds into your real life and is trying to look at that with you. It sounds sometimes like you could use a break from it and I hope you find it.
JaneTennison1 is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 02-11-2019, 12:33 PM #48
Glowworm80 Glowworm80 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Jun 2018
Location: London
Posts: 55
Glowworm80 Glowworm80 is offline
Member
Glowworm80 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2018
Location: London
Posts: 55

Default Re: LT's thread

Seems like a good session LT. Love your honesty with your T. I understand the feeling of therapy seeming to take over life.

Something I am wondering. If you change to another therapist what do you hope will be different with them? What do you think they can give you that this T will not? These are just questions Iím wondering...might be worth exploring what it is you think might be more helpful for you. Is it that he is not warm enough?

You do seem to have a good rapport with this T and he allows out of session contact that he charges for. That might not be enough though.
Glowworm80 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-11-2019, 07:24 PM #49
NP_Complete's Avatar
NP_Complete NP_Complete is online now
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: the upside down
Posts: 1,804
NP_Complete NP_Complete is online now
Grand Poohbah
NP_Complete's Avatar
NP_Complete is failing at life in polynomial time
 
Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: the upside down
Posts: 1,804 (SuperPoster!)

2 yr Member
3,780 hugs
given
Default Re: LT's thread

I like his lawnmower analogy.

Sounds like an intense but overall good session.
NP_Complete is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-11-2019, 08:04 PM #50
healed84's Avatar
healed84 healed84 is offline
Young Butterfly
 
Member Since: Jan 2012
Posts: 7,506
healed84 healed84 is offline
Young Butterfly
healed84's Avatar
healed84 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2012
Posts: 7,506 (SuperPoster!)

5 yr Member
1,488 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: LT's thread

LT- as much as you may doubt this now, I think your t is a good mixture of hard-***/but compassionate and that I think is the kind of t you need. He at the same time can understand your transference (I think he really gets it) and affirms those feelings, but keep boundaries and not become enmeshed as he noted you and mc seemed to get tangled in. I think consciously or not you sense that from him, and you get afraid and want to find another t who you may feel you have a little more control over, or somebody who seems a little more ďemotional.Ē If you are going to stick with therapy I really think current t is the right guy. I think you two will do great work together. However, as always just another opinion take it or leave it
__________________
"You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second."

"You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!" - J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
healed84 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:56 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.