LT's thread - Page 7 - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-14-2019, 03:52 PM #61
ChickenNoodleSoup ChickenNoodleSoup is offline
Grand Member
 
Member Since: Apr 2017
Location: In a land far far away
Posts: 953
ChickenNoodleSoup ChickenNoodleSoup is offline
Grand Member
ChickenNoodleSoup has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2017
Location: In a land far far away
Posts: 953

2 yr Member
946 hugs
given
Default Re: LT's thread

Sounds like waiting a bit before sharing stuff might be a good thing to try more for you!



I sometimes wait to write stuff down for others, and sometimes don't do it at all. Sometimes I feel like writing it up right away and do so. I'd feel very pressured if I'd always share stuff right away or would write down everything. It would feel intrusive too, there's a reason why I want information I share with my T to be confidential.
ChickenNoodleSoup is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 02-15-2019, 06:20 AM #62
Anne2.0 Anne2.0 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,078
Anne2.0 Anne2.0 is offline
Grand Magnate
Anne2.0 elephant walks on
 
Member Since: Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,078

5 yr Member
132 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: LT's thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
Funny, I replied including the term "deferential" before seeing your reply. I find this authority figure conversation rather fascinating. I'm going to have to think about it more (it was one of my plans during T's break). I think for me it's somehow tied into my wanting to please people. Like T talked about last session how it seems I seek praise from people I see as authority figures. I said partly that, but also how rejection or...lack of approval? affected me even more, but maybe those are kind of the same. He said it made sense that the latter bothered me more. I think it was partly that I found, say, doing well in school (which I was good at) got me approval and praise. So I got used to getting that, then if I didn't do well at something in school, college, or, later, work, it was really hard for me. It ties into my perfectionism in some ways, too. And fear of rejection and abandonment. Etc.
So, I wonder what happens when you dismiss the label "authority figure" and just look at the thing itself. Because "authority figure" does have an element of deferring to someone or feeling pressure due to a hierarchy or power dynamic, and it just seems (I could be wrong, I'm not you) that there isn't an overlay or necessarily even a whiff of dominance/submission. It seems that you feel perfectly comfortable asking for what you want (thinking of your history of emailing here) even if it seems like he's not on board with that. And at times where you and he sees things differently, it seems to me that you don't adopt his perspective like a pelican swallowing a fish, but you do consider it and it seems like often the two of you end up somewhere in the middle, mostly just understanding each other better. Again, just my impression from reading your sessions, but I don't think power dynamics (which I *think* but don't know operate within an authority figure type relationship) are the thing.

But it does seem like people-pleasing is a thing for you (as you said

What it seems like to me is that this is alive in your sessions with your T. You may want to please him because then you get what you want out of the connection, approval, positive feedback, etc. Totally normal human needs. It seems like you also want him to please you, too, and maybe this is one of the ways those love languages play out, in the sense that we model for other people what we are wanting them to do for us. I do think that you've been able to say a lot of truth in the course of it, so it's not as if you are "people-pleasing" in the sense of just telling people what they want to hear. I see a lot of positivity in the way T reacts to you speaking what's true for you, even if he doesn't completely get it or agree.

T doesn't people-please back. He won't just tell you what you want to hear because he's not operating on that screenplay. And that's where the "tiger" is (buddhist reference to the monk who takes a "tiger" along on his mission because it agitates him in exactly the way he needs to work on).

So, if you frame the issue as "people pleasing" rather than seeing people as authority figures, does that change anything? Maybe it helps you see this dynamic in therapy that's troubling you more accurately, maybe it helps you explore whether this plays out in other relationships in your life.

And people pleasing is kind of like having some kind of addiction to food. You can't just stop eating like you can doing drugs. One side of people pleasing is a positive relationship skill because it facilitates connection between people. I recall loving to make my baby laugh by saying or doing silly things-- you could certainly say I wanted to please him, and to some extent I still do. I love making him laugh in that belly-authentic way. The laughing is just the manifestation that he is happy, but it's really about the connection. That it's a connection born within a positive emotion in the moment is just one way we connect and impact people. And least many of us want to be able to create connections with others, and I don't know how people pleasing isn't just part of this. The problem with people pleasing is when it compromises your autonomy or your expression of self, or where you self-censor out of fear that being true with the other person won't result in their pleasure. Where's the sweet spot of being people pleasing yet expressive and connected? At least I'm looking on finding it.
Anne2.0 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 02-27-2019, 03:35 PM #63
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is online now
Swimming duck
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 11,627
LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is online now
Swimming duck
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 11,627 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
47.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: LT's thread

Warning: very long (and I even left some stuff out!)

T Monday. First session back after he was away for about 10 days (I'm used to seeing him twice a week). He got me right on time and said "Hello" as I walked past. Me: "Hi." I went back and sat down, feeling nervous, which was probably obvious. T: "I like your sweater." Me: "Thanks." T: "I don't think I've seen you wear that one before." Me: "I probably haven't worn it here." T, commenting on its stripes: "It kind of matches the pillow behind you. Though the stripes on the pillow are the wrong direction." I turned the pillow so the stripes were going the same way, saying, "There! Better?" T: "Yes!" That exchange helped break the ice and reestablish the connection.

T asked how I was doing. I started crying as I said it had been a really long week. I started going through what all had happened, starting with Thursday night (I'd see him earlier that day), when I'd made a Valentine's card for H with a bunch of heartfelt stuff in it, like about his being a good husband, father, etc., and left it for him when I was out at a concert that night. How he just texted me to thank me and did the emoji with heart eyes, but didn't say anything else. That of course I hadn't done it with the intention to get something back, but it might have been nice of him to at least replied with, "You're pretty great, too" or something. T agreed. Me: "But then I was thinking about it, and what is he going to say to me? He probably doesn't think I'm that great of a wife or mother, so..."

T: "When is the last time he said something like that to you, like about how he values you?" Me: "Uh...I don't know. He doesn't say stuff like that much. I mean, I guess I'm not that good at saying things to him, but I've tried to do better with that lately, thanking him for doing things, then with the card..." T: "Well, if you wanted, it's something you could bring up with him." Me: "Yeah, I guess." T: "This is the sort of thing that would be good to talk about in marriage counseling." Me: "Yeah...maybe we need to do that again, I mean not with ex-MC obviously." T: "I know you said H wanted to take a break from that." Me: "Well, it will be a year in April..." T: "It's been that long? OK."


I brought up Sunday (the previous one)...D was spending the night at my parents' (Monday was holiday). We went to dinner and H ended up bringing up my cheating as an example of something. T: "As an example? Of what?" Me: "Like why he didn't tell his friends about it, because they'd always associate it with me." T: "So an example of why not to tell people about something?" Me: "Yeah, well, it involved something with you, but anyway, let's not discuss that!...H never brings that up, and I just felt weird about it." Then I talked about what happened later that evening.

Possible trigger:


Me: "It was when I went downstairs that I contacted your backup T's. Part of me wanted to reach out to you, but it was only Sunday, and I felt I'd have to be really clear in what I wanted from you, but wasn't sure what that was." T: "OK." I said how I heard from the one Monday afternoon, but she was out that day and didn't have anything Tuesday, then didn't want to schedule me for Wednesday because it was supposed to snow, or Thursday, but could Friday, but at that point... How I didn't hear from the other one, so called her, then heard from her that evening--she was sick, so wouldn't be in the office Tuesday but said she could do a phone call, which I ended up taking her up on. T: "So my backup T's weren't particularly available--I'm sorry about that." Me: "Well, the one was sick, so even if I'd had something scheduled with her, it would have been an issue." T: "True. Still, I'm sorry." Me: "It's OK."

I said how the backup T, "R," had been helpful. That we covered quite a wide variety of topics in the hour. And how she just helped me feel lighter. That I felt pretty connected to her and might actually want to see her again sometime, not like long-term, just maybe for another session or two at some point. T said that would be OK, that it can help to get a different perspective. I said I remembered his saying that if I started seeing one of his backup T's, it would cause a problem. T: "Not a problem with you, but maybe a problem with me and R." Me: "Uh, OK..."

T: "I want to be really careful in how I word this. Because you got upset about this the last time." Me: "You mean about the problem with you and R?" T: "No. Where I said that I wanted you to see whoever would be most helpful for you. It felt like you wanted me to say you should keep working with me." Me: "Part of me kinda did, but part of also wants you to say I should be free to see whoever I want. That you just want what's best for me." T: "Well, I do. I want you to see the person who you think will help you the most. That's the best thing for all of us." Me: "OK, thanks. I mean, for now I think it's you. I just....I talked about you a little bit to R and I feel kind of bad about that." T: "You don't have to feel bad. You should talk about whatever you needed to." Me: "OK. I mean, as I said to her, it's not like I told her anything I hadn't already told you. Though it was kinda awkward at the end when she was like, 'Do you have a crush on [T's first name]' and I was like, 'Uh, no?'" T: "She can be pretty blunt." Me: "Who is that like?" (referencing him). T laughed.

I said how that session with R had helped, but then Wednesday was a snow day (D and H at home) and it seemed like H and I kept fighting, like how I'd accidentally knocked over a box with puzzle pieces and H was starting to curse at me and I was like, "Don't curse at me! I don't need this right now." And there were just other little fights over stupid things like me trying to help find a particular nightgown for C and H getting mad at me for that. And it was these little things that made me feel bad about myself that led me to email T Wed. night.

Me: "I was trying to figure out what to say to you and I figured that I really just wanted to know that you still existed." T: "It felt like you were asking for the bare minimum you could ask from me." Me: "Hm, I guess I kind of was. I kind of felt like...I'd intended not to email you. And I'd already had the session with R. It seems like that should have been enough..." T: "You seem to be beating yourself up over contacting me when I specifically said that you could." Me: "I know...and I guess you wouldn't have given me backup T info if it wasn't OK to use it."

T: "I'm just trying to figure out why you don't think it was OK to reach out for support, where that's coming from." Me: "I just kept thinking, 'It's only 10 days. I should be able to manage that, for God's sake.'" T: "But it was a long time for you." Me: "Yeah, I was thinking about it, and it was probably the longest I'd gone without any contact with you in a year, I mean, even the week from when I saw you to when I emailed you." T: "It probably was. It's OK to need support." Me: "And in your initial reply to my email, you said it was OK to contact you again if I wanted. But then in your reply to my reply, you talked about relying on my outside contacts, so...I got the message that I shouldn't." T: "You were reading too much into it. That isn't what I meant at all." Me: "I guess it felt like it. So when I was feeling really bad Friday night--like a few days ago--I didn't feel I should email you. I was looking up crisis lines and stuff." T seemed sad. Me: "Plus, because you won't say where you're going, I didn't even know what time zone you were in, like if you were in Tokyo or something, you might not have gotten back to me till the next night." T: "Hm, I hadn't thought of that, in saying that I'll write back in the mornings, I never said what 'morning' was...." Me: "Yeah."

T: "But with the contact, I worry that maybe I've pushed too much for you to strengthen your outside network, that you might feel that's all you're supposed to use. Like when I've praised you for your success in that, you feel that you're only supposed to rely on them, and not me. When that's not the case. I'm not expecting you to stand on your own right now, to be completely self-reliant." Me: "So not 'I am a rock, I am an island'? See, I managed to fit in song lyrics. But I appreciate your saying that. I do get the message at times that I'm just supposed to rely on outside people and not you." T: "No, and I'm sorry if I gave you that message." Me: "It's OK. I'm glad you clarified."

Somehow still had a few minutes left. He asked me what had made me feel so bad Friday night. I said maybe partly that I'd wished my former best friend (from high school/20s) a happy birthday, and she'd just replied back with "thanks." T: "So it kind of rubbed in where the relationship is?" Me: "Yeah." And I said it was also some more fights with H. How I told him multiple times it was a rough week for me, and I felt in a way like he could maybe go a little easier on me. But that it actually felt like he was tougher on me than anything. But maybe it wasn't fair to expect him to go easier. T: "I think it's completely fair." Me: "OK."

T: "Hm, I just had a thought. You're used to coming in here and getting support and validation. But you didn't have that last week. So maybe you were looking for that more than usual from H, and he was coming up short?" Me: "Huh. That makes a lot of sense actually. I also think of this as a place where I can sort of have a release. And I sort of had that with R, but it's not the same." T: "Yes, I imagine it's partly at this point that this environment is a safe space." Me: "Yes."

I said I knew we had to stop (we were at like 56 minutes). T confirmed Thursday, then said, "I'll be in all next week." Me: "Good!" He said he'd held my usual slots open, so we scheduled for those. Went over to pay. Me: "I hope you had a good trip." T: "I did have a good trip." Me: "Good." T stood up and shook my hand, saying, "See you Thursday." Me: "Yes." T: "I really hope this is a better week for you." Me: "Thanks."


I felt good about the session and also kinda wished I'd reached out a little more in the previous week.
LonesomeTonight is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-27-2019, 04:11 PM #64
DP_2017's Avatar
DP_2017 DP_2017 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,307
DP_2017 DP_2017 is offline
Grand Magnate
DP_2017's Avatar
DP_2017 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,307 (SuperPoster!)

1 yr Member
662 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: LT's thread

Wow, how ballsy of the other T to outright ask about a crush on T. I am a bit shocked by your answer though.

I think it's fantastic you found other ways to cope and only emailed once, that's a huge step for you and something to be proud of. The eventual goal for therapy is for clients to "fly on their own" and so every small step toward that, is great. No one says you can't reach out if need be but it's awesome that you explored other things as well and hopefully you found some of it helpful.

I agree with needing MC again, it's a good idea I think if you can convince H to do it. It sounds like it went well, so I'm happy to hear it. I hope you give yourself some credit for the huge progress you made with contact while he was away, you deserve it! Well done.
__________________
Grief is the price you pay for love.
DP_2017 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-27-2019, 04:50 PM #65
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is online now
Swimming duck
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 11,627
LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is online now
Swimming duck
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 11,627 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
47.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: LT's thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
Wow, how ballsy of the other T to outright ask about a crush on T. I am a bit shocked by your answer though.

I think it's fantastic you found other ways to cope and only emailed once, that's a huge step for you and something to be proud of. The eventual goal for therapy is for clients to "fly on their own" and so every small step toward that, is great. No one says you can't reach out if need be but it's awesome that you explored other things as well and hopefully you found some of it helpful.

I agree with needing MC again, it's a good idea I think if you can convince H to do it. It sounds like it went well, so I'm happy to hear it. I hope you give yourself some credit for the huge progress you made with contact while he was away, you deserve it! Well done.

With the "crush" thing, a lot was in the way she said it, like a middle-schooler asking her friend if she had a crush on a teacher (that was the tone of voice she used), which I think made it more awkward. Like, "Aw, do you have a thing for [T]? How cute!" She did say it's common and normal if I did because of the relationship (I was waiting for her to say she had a thing for him, the way she'd said it...). I mentioned that I do think he's attractive (I've told my T this) and have some transference stuff at times (he knows that, too). A crush is just a totally different thing to me (I've certainly had those! See: 7th grade science teacher--no, not the high school one with all the transference stuff, this was more innocent).

Thanks for what you said about my ability to cope. I know I tend to be too hard on myself (and T agrees) on that and lots of other topics. And I'll think about the MC thing...maybe if I let him (H) pick one?
LonesomeTonight is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-28-2019, 01:14 PM #66
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty SlumberKitty is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 8,560
SlumberKitty SlumberKitty is offline
Wise Elder
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is working on it.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 8,560 (SuperPoster!)

20.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: LT's thread

Just wanted to say Good Job LT! Hugs Kit
__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
SlumberKitty is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-02-2019, 03:44 PM #67
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is online now
Swimming duck
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 11,627
LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is online now
Swimming duck
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 11,627 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
47.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: LT's thread

T Thursday. He got me 6 minutes late, which is unlike him. He apologized, said last client needed extra time, could he just give me 5 more minutes at the end? I said yes and joked that he was being ex-MC-like. Then I apologized, saying he's not ex-MC. T: "We must have some things in common." Me: "Well, you're both male..." T kinda laughed. (I could have gone with both being short, but was being nice!) Sat down, he asked how week had gone, I said better than last week. Ended up talking about sleep and sleep hygiene for quite a bit (I tend to sleep quite poorly), which wasn't my intent, but as I said, it was helpful.

Also some about how H had yelled at D a few mornings before, and it just seemed the past couple weeks he'd been yelling at her again, after being good about it since I'd talked to him a few months ago. T said how it can be easy to slip back into old patterns when not being vigilant and suggested I talk to him again. I mentioned stuff about D's sleep pattern being irregular, too, and how the mornings, getting her out the door can be really stressful. And that it can be frustrating because H won't do things like make his lunch till the last minute. T suggested using PECS cards for a schedule for the adults as well as D. It's interesting he used that specific example, because it's typically used for kids on the spectrum. It felt again like he was speaking from his own experience, as he explained ways to create the schedule, but I didn't say anything.

We were over halfway through. I said I'd had some insights since last session. One was about why I have trouble asking for help, like while he was away. I said I realized it applied to many parts of my life. Like I have pretty tight deadlines on most of my freelance work (2-5 days), so if something like a snow day happens or I'm not feeling well, can be a challenge to get things done. But I never want to ask for an extension, instead doing things like staying up late or getting up early to get it done. Yet the few times I've asked for an extension recently, it's been no problem at all. T gave me a "See? It was OK to ask" response to that. I said I figured it went back to childhood. We talked a bit about my perfectionism and that coming from my mom.

T: "This may seem like I'm simplifying things, but bear with me. It's like you feel you have to be the 'good girl.' Like you don't want to be a burden on anyone." Me: "Yes, I think that fits. I don't want to seem needy. But that keeps me from asking for help. Like I wish I'd asked for more help from you last week."

I said another insight involved my feeling bad for talking to other people about him, particularly his backup T. Me: "I think that comes from my mom. Because she'd say something like, 'Oh, what are you telling [ex-best friend] about me?'" T said it sounds like something else that came from her anxiety. How he hoped at one point I'd understand her more through that frame. That she was so afraid of someone getting a bad impression of her. I said how that made sense. He said he hoped I could understand that it wasn't necessarily something she did maliciously to me, that she probably couldn't even accept that she has anxiety. I agreed that she'd likely never admit it. And how ex-T had said that's probably why she couldn't seem to accept it in me--because to accept it in me would be to accept she had it as well.

Talked a little more about my talking about T to others, that I felt bad for saying negative things to his backup T. T: "I don't care. It doesn't bother me. You share what you need to share." I said I wondered if there was some element of my rebelling in there, in choosing to see first the consulting T then the backup T. Like, "Look, I'm independent." T said he could see that.

I said it made me think how when I was a teen, it's like I couldn't rebel the normal way. How it's normal to fight with your parents, but my mom would take it personally and get upset. And any small infraction was a huge deal. So it's like I had to suppress that. Which is likely why more of that, like smoking and drinking, happened in college and my 20s. T said that made sense. I said I guessed maybe I couldn't rebel as a kid too--"but maybe kids don't actually rebel so much as teens." T: "Uh, yeah they do! They're constantly testing their parents." Me: "Hm, yeah. Well, it was like I couldn't test mine the same way. So maybe that's why it's coming out more with you and ex-MC? Because I couldn't really do it then?" T: "That could be."

This led to him talking about the therapeutic relationship That he thought one way our relationship could help me is for me to see that we can have conflicts and work through them. That it wouldn't mean the end of the relationship. So then I could see that conflicts are OK and relationships can still be safe. I feel like he said more around that, but now I can't recall what he said that session vs. yesterday.

Confirmed for next week. I went over and paid. Shook hands as T wished me luck for the next day, when it was supposed to snow, saying he hoped would just be school delay, not closed. I said me too. T: "Take care." Me: "You too."

I was OK for a couple hours, even feeling good about what we talked about, while running some errands, then got home and totally broke down sobbing. All of this stuff just hit me, various insights. I made like three drafts of an email and finally sent it to him at like 7:30 a.m. May share that, debating. Ended up with an extra session yesterday, not because I was upset with him or anything, but because I had all these insights and wanted to talk about them sooner instead of later. Will report on that session later (was emotional and helpful).
LonesomeTonight is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-02-2019, 04:24 PM #68
DP_2017's Avatar
DP_2017 DP_2017 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,307
DP_2017 DP_2017 is offline
Grand Magnate
DP_2017's Avatar
DP_2017 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,307 (SuperPoster!)

1 yr Member
662 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: LT's thread

We use those cards for my disabled sibling sometimes, it can be helpful. Worth a try

Sounds like an ok session. I would say, and this is just a suggestion, feel free to ignore it but since you already know so much of your issues come from childhood/mom and you sadly can't change any of it.... maybe try to work on things to help you going forward. Like to help you break these patterns and things. I only know of CBT and DBT off hand but there is probably other things. I know my childhood was crap but I try my best to focus on how to better my future. I'm unsure if any of the things I specifically do are CBT or DBT.

Still suggest trying to talk to H about MC, I really think it would benefit you guys. Even if you see a female of his choosing this time. Maybe one without outside contact or something that would help him feel more at ease about going.

Maybe you can keep a journal of your insights you have, and bring it in to your regular sessions or email them once in a while. That could be a good thing too try and work on too. None of us are perfect, so I'm not trying to pick on you or anything, we all are flawed and that' ok and I do support you... I'm just trying to suggest things that can help you going forward, since you have recently talked about wanting to depend less on T and things like that, which is great. I wish you all the best in your journey. Really and truly.

It's ok to be independent, seeing back up T was a great idea and it seemed to really help. Try not to be so hard on yourself about it. Imagine all the things other people have said to your T in his career, sometimes even to his face, I am sure he can handle it.... you do you.
__________________
Grief is the price you pay for love.
DP_2017 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-03-2019, 05:42 AM #69
Anne2.0 Anne2.0 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,078
Anne2.0 Anne2.0 is offline
Grand Magnate
Anne2.0 elephant walks on
 
Member Since: Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,078

5 yr Member
132 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: LT's thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
This led to him talking about the therapeutic relationship That he thought one way our relationship could help me is for me to see that we can have conflicts and work through them. That it wouldn't mean the end of the relationship. So then I could see that conflicts are OK and relationships can still be safe. I feel like he said more around that, but now I can't recall what he said that session vs. yesterday.
While I think he does a good job with a lot of things, I think he really shines in this issue. He sounds like he doesn't get his back up or is defensive about a lot of things other people might be. He has a nice balance of being very true to what he believes, willing to clarify when asked, and being okay with what you say and do.
Anne2.0 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-03-2019, 10:16 AM #70
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is online now
Swimming duck
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 11,627
LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is online now
Swimming duck
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 11,627 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
47.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: LT's thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
We use those cards for my disabled sibling sometimes, it can be helpful. Worth a try

Sounds like an ok session. I would say, and this is just a suggestion, feel free to ignore it but since you already know so much of your issues come from childhood/mom and you sadly can't change any of it.... maybe try to work on things to help you going forward. Like to help you break these patterns and things. I only know of CBT and DBT off hand but there is probably other things. I know my childhood was crap but I try my best to focus on how to better my future. I'm unsure if any of the things I specifically do are CBT or DBT.

Still suggest trying to talk to H about MC, I really think it would benefit you guys. Even if you see a female of his choosing this time. Maybe one without outside contact or something that would help him feel more at ease about going.

Maybe you can keep a journal of your insights you have, and bring it in to your regular sessions or email them once in a while. That could be a good thing too try and work on too. None of us are perfect, so I'm not trying to pick on you or anything, we all are flawed and that' ok and I do support you... I'm just trying to suggest things that can help you going forward, since you have recently talked about wanting to depend less on T and things like that, which is great. I wish you all the best in your journey. Really and truly.

It's ok to be independent, seeing back up T was a great idea and it seemed to really help. Try not to be so hard on yourself about it. Imagine all the things other people have said to your T in his career, sometimes even to his face, I am sure he can handle it.... you do you.

Thanks. We've talked about maybe trying some more CBT stuff, definitely more with mindfulness. I did actually try doing more journaling stuff in the past week--I'm trying to capture what I'm feeling in the moment so that I can then talk about it a few days later in session. I had done that earlier in the week, like some thoughts from Monday, and did not send him that--we just discussed in session.



And yeah, my T can definitely handle whatever criticism is thrown at him. I think I just feel bad at times if I don't seem to trust him. I also wonder if it could partly be protective for me, like I'm afraid of getting too close to him (due to ex-MC) so then I question him and say critical things to him and go see other people. I don't know...I think it's definitely good to question what's going on in therapy in general, and maybe that's something I didn't do enough of with ex-T and ex-MC.
LonesomeTonight is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:16 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.