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Old 03-03-2019, 06:34 PM #81
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Default Re: LT's thread

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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
And I realize that the email wasn't just about "here's this song," but maybe more of a checking in after an intense session. But I also didn't say that, so I'm sure he's taking it at face value and will maybe just say something in session or possibly tomorrow morning?
I think this is why I often don't understand your T. He seems to take everything at face value (or even need it explained to him) whereas most therapists I have seen are always looking for deeper hidden meanings. Sometimes it drives me crazy when my T does this, but sometimes it's astonishingly useful. I think your T's approach also makes it harder for him to meet your needs without you hitting him over the head with them. It seems like it could be a useful exercise in asking for what you need, or it could be frustrating that you always have to ask, especially if you don't know what you need.
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Old 03-03-2019, 06:47 PM #82
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Default Re: LT's thread

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Originally Posted by ElectricManatee View Post
I think this is why I often don't understand your T. He seems to take everything at face value (or even need it explained to him) whereas most therapists I have seen are always looking for deeper hidden meanings. Sometimes it drives me crazy when my T does this, but sometimes it's astonishingly useful. I think your T's approach also makes it harder for him to meet your needs without you hitting him over the head with them. It seems like it could be a useful exercise in asking for what you need, or it could be frustrating that you always have to ask, especially if you don't know what you need.

It's kind of a double-edged sword. In some ways, it's helped me, in that I've gotten better as asking what I need of both T and other people in my life. Because I can't expect other people to read my mind either. So it's helped with my communication skills.


At the same time, I feel like he should know me well enough by now that the email had *some* meaning. Now, I did include it as a response to the earlier email thread. There's a chance that maybe he didn't see it, or noted that it wasn't urgent and he intended to get back to it later, then has had a busy weekend. Or maybe he doesn't want to encourage me to send random emails--but I also imagine he'd be direct about that, like tell me in session. But he's been so good at replying to emails in the past, even relatively minor ones.... Again, even if he'd just said, "Thanks, I'll try to listen when I have a chance," that really would have been sufficient. Even just "thanks." I wasn't expecting a reply with an analysis of the song. If he doesn't reply in any way before session, I'm not sure whether to even mention it. But obviously it's bothering me. But I also don't want to make it into some big thing. Sigh. Maybe just a brief mention? Or wait to see if he mentions it in session?


ETA: And ex-MC said at one point that he thought any email I sent him was basically looking for reassurance, no matter what the topic was. Which kind of annoyed me. Because yes, sometimes I was looking for reassurance, but not every time. So he may have read *too* much into things. I'd prefer some sort of happy medium, like, "Hm, LT sent me this email, I wonder what's going on there? I'll send some sort of acknowledgment, then we can discuss in session."
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Old 03-03-2019, 07:03 PM #83
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Default Re: LT's thread

If you emailed it to anyone else and they didn't reply right away or at all. Would it bother you or is it just him?

Its just a song. I hate making it sound meaningless because it has meaning to you but it's seen differently in general than sending a regular email asking for stuff etc

It probably isn't a issue to him, again he isn't big on music and maybe he felt pressure with it. I personally would not bring it up and see if he does. I know you probably will though but try to not take it personally.

Maybe this t is not the kind of t to do random emails with. Maybe it is better to just generally discuss what the song means to you regardless if he hears it


Example.... if a friend told you about a movie that meant something to them but say you were not big into movies or a specific kind of movie but the person told you verbally how the movie impacted them, is that still meaningful? I'd say so. Songs are personal especially and different songs mean different things to people. Just tell him why its so important, even if he chooses not to listen and he has that choice, he can still hear your story and see the emotion. For therapy especially that should be enough

Try not to put standards on people so much. Not replying to a song link is not a huge thing. There could be many reasons one of which could be maybe he is saving it for session
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Old 03-03-2019, 08:01 PM #84
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My T also takes literally everything at face value omg it gets so annoying sometimes lol. I have to explain everythinggggg and he asks questions about details that make me want to scream. He's sooo intellectual.
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Old 03-03-2019, 08:29 PM #85
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Hope you have a good session tomorrow and I'm sure it will still be on. Good luck
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Old 03-03-2019, 08:50 PM #86
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post

T: "I think something else you can do is accept that you have anxiety and that it has both positive and negative effects on you." Me: "There's a positive? I mean, I guess I might avoid dangerous situations..." T: "I think it makes you a good friend. Because you're perceptive and attentive. You want to make a good impression and have the other person like you. While many people don't think about those things." Me: "Hm, I hadn't thought of it that way. I guess being anxious also makes me a good copy editor." T: "Exactly, it helps you with work, too."
I just had a session on anxiety today, and the therapist mentioned how anxiety is there for a reason, and can have positive effects. He used the story of a pond of minnows. Half the minnows are confident, and the other half are anxious. On normal days, the confident minnows are swimming around, eating all the food and having a good life. On days when there is danger, the confident ones get eaten up fast, and all the anxious minnows who were already scanning for danger, survive. There is reason why anxiety continues to get passed down from generation to generation. Its not always a bad thing.
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Old 03-03-2019, 09:01 PM #87
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Hope you have a good session tomorrow and I'm sure it will still be on. Good luck

Thanks, DP. The fact that it's just rain now is encouraging.
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Old 03-03-2019, 09:01 PM #88
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Originally Posted by velcro003 View Post
I just had a session on anxiety today, and the therapist mentioned how anxiety is there for a reason, and can have positive effects. He used the story of a pond of minnows. Half the minnows are confident, and the other half are anxious. On normal days, the confident minnows are swimming around, eating all the food and having a good life. On days when there is danger, the confident ones get eaten up fast, and all the anxious minnows who were already scanning for danger, survive. There is reason why anxiety continues to get passed down from generation to generation. Its not always a bad thing.

That makes a lot of sense, thanks!
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Old 03-03-2019, 09:08 PM #89
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I think maybe I figured out part of what's going on with me. I think when I told him that I wanted to be "all in" with him, I hoped for a particular reaction. Something about him appreciating my putting my trust in him. Maybe saying he'd be "all in" as well. I don't know. But instead I got his saying that maybe he'd be an asshole, which would lead me to leave, and that I should accept my ambivalence. So maybe that's what some of this is about? I mean, there's sort of continual conflict in personality types, in that I tend to be more of an idealist, I guess, while he's more of a realist. Maybe that's what's coming into play here? I don't know...
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Old 03-03-2019, 09:18 PM #90
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Default Re: LT's thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
I think maybe I figured out part of what's going on with me. I think when I told him that I wanted to be "all in" with him, I hoped for a particular reaction. Something about him appreciating my putting my trust in him. Maybe saying he'd be "all in" as well. I don't know. But instead I got his saying that maybe he'd be an asshole, which would lead me to leave, and that I should accept my ambivalence. So maybe that's what some of this is about? I mean, there's sort of continual conflict in personality types, in that I tend to be more of an idealist, I guess, while he's more of a realist. Maybe that's what's coming into play here? I don't know...
That makes a lot of sense. In Gottman terms, he didn't really return your "bid."
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