Do you see the therapist/therapist's office as a "safe place to land" or not?

HD7970GHZ: Since you seem (from your other thread) to be interested in activism about therapy abuse situations, you might want to consider careful use of absolutes in your statements and arguments. Basically, when you speak in absolutes, many listeners automatically stop reading and stop listening because absolute statements inevitably ignore the other viewpoint. While your first two paragraphs respected the fact that there are two sides to this, your last two paragraphs negated the first two paragraphs when you launched into your absolutes, discounting the many therapists who are professional and not corrupt, and discounting those clients who (in your view) have illusions of safety are not interested in the truth, committing "legal suicide," and under the spell of a "mirage." That is not everyone's reality (and is frankly, insulting of peoples' intelligence") and even though you slightly admit that, you mostly discount that acknowledgment with your absolutes.

Yes, definitely.

No. I think my therapist is a great person, and has been better than my previous ones, but... she kind of freaks out easily over stuff, which makes me feel very much like I need to be "OK" and guarded when I'm there, because I can't deal with my own stress plus hers.

For example, a couple weeks ago, I had to miss a session because I was sick with a cold. On top of that, my family came to visit (planned from before I was sick). And work was stressing me out. It was a lot of stress, and I have trouble holding on to any kind of relationship (such that it is) with the therapist when I miss a week anyway...

So, when I got back, I was kind of not very "there". Pretty withdrawn, but I think that's not surprising considered being sick, missing therapy, dealing with my crazy family, and dealing with work... it was a lot, and I was kind of shut down. Part of that was feeling unsure about the therapist/relationship after two weeks without talking, even though that sounds weird...

So I go in, and she picks up on me being different/down. But kind of freaks out... tells me that I need to be on medication, she's never seen me this low, and in her perfect world, she'd put me in a hospital (I later confronted her on that, and she clarified, "well it would be a nice one!") - OMG. All this made me feel even less safe.

It seems obvious to me, but apparently it's not to therapists - all that felt really threatening to me, and the message was clear, "if you seem worse, I'm going to have you medicated and/or locked up." So, I'm pretty clear that I can't really express when I'm feeling bad.

The stupid thing is, this is just a normal state for me - it's not that awful, it's just withdrawn and cautious. I've gone in to my piano lessons like this, and my teacher is great at reconnecting with me. The first thing he does is to just be his normal self, so there's a sense of consistency, a sense of "even if I'm gone for a couple weeks, this person is still acting the same way as before" which, for me, in incredibly "safety generating" (if that's a thing). He basically just re-establishes the norm, rather than reacting to me and pulling us both into a downward spiral of doom.

This seems like it should be basic therapy 101, but apparently nope.

Sorry to go on, thanks for letting me talk about it though. It's been rolling around in my head a bit since then, obviously.

I put no. With my former T, I think she was safe, the office, not so much. With current T, I don't even know if she is safe, much less the office. There's more to look at in her office and I don't feel "monitored" but IDK if it is safe.

Yes, I definitely do see it as a safe place. I can talk to my T about anything.

Pdoc recently moved to a new office and I don't usually cope well with change... but yes, I see it as a safe place because I feel comfortable with her

No..

I have not found a therapist I felt safe with.

Thanks for saying this. Perfect opportunity to clarify.

Therapy is inherently a VERY dangerous setting. Not all therapists are bad people - BUT - the setting is a recipe for disaster as is the power imbalance if ever something goes wrong. Give anyone all the power in the world and no accountability and even the most ethical person can be corrupted; that is human nature. That can be seen in all industries and all over the world.

That is not absolutes, that is fact.

And I apologize if spelling out the truth comes across as absolutes or in some way challenges your intelligence. My motivation is to spread awareness so as to combat societal ignorance about an issue that is becoming VERY common. People in general have difficulty with news that upends their illusions; for example: that therapy is safe. Normalcy bias is a very real thing and it takes an extraordinary amount of evidence to shatter it for some people.

That is why I will continue to talk openly about this . To help you.

My question to you is: what is safe about therapy?

Number one reason (in my opinion) that so many people get hurt in therapy is because they blindly go in expecting a safe place... (AND it SHOULD be safe!!!) Therapists even say, "this is a safe place." No different than children who sought out help from Catholic Priests only to be utterly betrayed!

Hope this clarifies things.

Just trying to inform others so they can protect themselves and prevent a lifetime of trauma. Sure wish someone told me this before I got hurt.

Lookup, "institutional betrayal."

I definitely view both my T and the office as a "safe place to land." I know there is some debate on this so here's my thoughts.

I'm an adult. T is an adult. I am aware of and accept the limitations of therapy. I respect T's boundaries and T respects mine. I know that in that office I am free to say what I want without repercussions and that I can freely talk about my feelings and what is on my mind and I know that I will be treated with respect and understanding. I know that I will not be beaten, maliciously ridiculed, treated as a subhuman, or touched inappropriately. Granted, the safety took time to get to, T has spent a lot of time earning my trust, but for me it is most definitely a "safe place to land."

Not particularly an improvement. “Challenge my intelligence?” Really. Do you hear yourself? I don’t need protecting. I don’t need your help. You seem to see yourself somehow has a rescuer to everyone who uses therapy in their life. I don’t need rescuing from therapy. Your approach is rather condescending but I understand you can’t see that. I don’t need further reply. I understand where you stand and will not further engage with you.

I am very sorry you have misconstrued everything I have said. I wish you well.

The bold makes me question whether you have the capacity to empathize? Not sure why you're attacking me here. Healing from trauma often times involves advocacy. Nothing out of the ordinary there.

In bold.

You said I challenged peoples intelligence, I apologized and now you pretend like it never happened? I don't get it.

I am not being condescending, I am being honest and upfront and trying to help people. From the sounds of it, you felt the need to attack me here. Please don't project your stuff onto me.

Here's the thing, though, HD. Artley doesn't feel the need for your help. And there's no way that you and I can really know -- maybe he/she really does NOT! In which case -- though it was not your intention -- I can see how they would feel you were overstepping. Can you, now that I point it out?

Or, maybe you don't feel that it's helpful for me, or anybody, to point things out that you might not have noticed? Does this feel like an attack to you? To me, I'm just trying to be helpful.

1.) If it seems like I am trying to help - that would make sense. Although, if someone doesn't want help they don't have to accept it. (Why make an issue out of it if I offer help??)
2.) Overstepping how? I read back through the posts and see the only one overstepping is the person attacking my post. All I did was share my perspective, isn't that what this thread is about? How is that overstepping?
3.) Have I gave any indication that I am angry about having something pointed out? I thanked the user for giving me a chance to clarify what I was saying.

I responded NO. I’m not seeing any therapist now.

Reflecting on that whole experience of seeking help, trying many different therapists, I feel the whole approach to therapy is being done wrong in the industry.

Ultimately I helped myself by communicating and becoming educated about MI and abuse vs. healthy coping skills.

Usually, yes