Wishing your T knew the non-therapy you

It amazes me that so many people say their Ts know this kind of stuff about them! I really want to bring those parts of me into therapy sometimes, but it’s like I just don’t know how? I don’t feel like there’d be a natural segue into it, and it feels weird to just be like “hey let me tell you this random thing about me that has nothing to do with what we’re talking about right now simply because I want you to know more about me.” I feel like he’d wonder why I want him to know that stuff if it’s not what I’m in therapy for.

I feel like my T knows a lot of the types of things you mention, too. Definitely my sense of humor because that comes out in session--I'll often joke about things when I'm nervous (well, and when I'm not). And I've mentioned concerts I was going to and song lyrics, though sometimes I think about playing a song for him in session, just so he can have more of a sense of the kind of music I'm into (he's not into music and quite clueless about it), and he knows I'm a vegetarian, what sports teams I root for (and what sports I don't care/know anything about), etc. I guess for me those sorts of things just come up naturally through the course of therapy, plus we'll sometimes have small talk at the beginning or end (definitely at the end, while I'm paying him).

However, I have thought before that I'd like him to see me out in the world acting competently rather than sitting there crying. That he could see me in a good parenting moment. If he could see me at a professional event (I work from home, so that would be pretty boring for him to see!) And I've mentioned showing him photos, like of my family (think I showed him my D once), and asked if he thought that would be helpful to him, and he said no. I may still suggest that... I've mentioned my H's height (he's tall, unlike T!) and that he's of Irish heritage and a bearded redhead, but never shown a photo. Part of me wants to see a pic from my wedding day, where I looked really polished (thanks, makeup artist and hairdresser!) and happy. Or maybe just any photo where I look really happy. Hm...

ETA: In some ways, it would also be interesting for him to see my Facebook, to see how I present myself to the world in that way. (Or possibly some of my posts on here...) Or I've thought that it would be interesting if I was out to dinner with, say, my parents, and he was sitting at a nearby table, observing the interactions. Because it would be interesting to have a therapist's view of how those go.

Summer


Just ask if you can take 5 minutes a the end to talk about other things, then say something like "Oh I tried this new food the other day" or "I saw this cool movie" or "There's this book I wanna read" etc and go from there. It can become a routine and still give you most of the hour (or however long you get) to discuss other things.

However, I have thought before that I'd like him to see me out in the world acting competently rather than sitting there crying. That he could see me in a good parenting moment. If he could see me at a professional event (I work from home, so that would be pretty boring for him to see!) And I've mentioned showing him photos, like of my family (think I showed him my D once), and asked if he thought that would be helpful to him, and he said no. I may still suggest that... I've mentioned my H's height (he's tall, unlike T!) and that he's of Irish heritage and a bearded redhead, but never shown a photo. Part of me wants to see a pic from my wedding day, where I looked really polished (thanks, makeup artist and hairdresser!) and happy. Or maybe just any photo where I look really happy. Hm...

ETA: In some ways, it would also be interesting for him to see my Facebook, to see how I present myself to the world in that way. (Or possibly some of my posts on here...) Or I've thought that it would be interesting if I was out to dinner with, say, my parents, and he was sitting at a nearby table, observing the interactions. Because it would be interesting to have a therapist's view of how those go.

I think often about this, especially wishing she was able to see me in a setting where I was more "competent" at making eye contact, carrying on a conversation without extended silences, being articulate, making decisive decisions, feeling confident, and displaying other skills I regularly do as a functional, successful adult; skills one would probably never know I possess if only sitting in a therapy session with me.

I think I know deep in my heart she has to know this side exists. Sometimes I wish, though, she would acknowledge it.