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Old 02-10-2019, 12:46 AM #11
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

I think the fallacy is there in the statement of the problem - that there IS a "right" thing. You didnt say "right things" plural, it was singular. There is no singular right thing. That kind of thinking will kill any relationship, or thread...
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Old 02-10-2019, 02:13 AM #12
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
I think the fallacy is there in the statement of the problem - that there IS a "right" thing. You didnt say "right things" plural, it was singular. There is no singular right thing. That kind of thinking will kill any relationship, or thread...
There could be a “right thing” for oneself vs a “right thing” for the therapist. Those two things could be at odds
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Old 02-10-2019, 11:09 AM #13
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There could be a “right thing” for oneself vs a “right thing” for the therapist. Those two things could be at odds
Im saying, the concept of knowing or claiming there EXISTS a right thing is faulty to begin with. Its saying, "you must", not "can we?" It doesnt look for a compromise.
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Old 02-10-2019, 11:21 AM #14
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

The therapist is not always in a we situation. And I believe in clients knowing the right thing for themselves
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Old 02-10-2019, 12:22 PM #15
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

I had a T I worked with for 4 years and HATED her. I was giving what little I had and getting nowhere. She was giving 110% of what she had and even took extra trainings and things to try and make it work. Eventually we terminated and I started working with someone else. Then sold T and I started running into eachother at church. We had known we both attended the same church but it was big enough we never ran into eachother. She has been an amaizing mentor and friend for over 20 years now! Last time we were together we were talking about old times... and I realized and shared with her... that if we could magically go back to her old office (she had since retired) I would still hate her and mistrust her as much as ever. I just could not connect with her as a therapist... even though she means the world to me years later as a friend. And, yes, we both agree that it is strange but neither of us did anything wrong.
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Old 02-10-2019, 02:36 PM #16
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

I think there are two ways of looking at "right."

Doing things the right/correct vs wrong/incorrect way, with a right way necessarily creating a contrasting wrong way is one way to frame people doing the right thing.

And there's two people doing the best they can with what they've got, neither doing anything wrong, but it's just not a fit. Like trying to put together pieces from two different puzzles. There's nothing inherently wrong with either puzzle piece. They are each right for their puzzle, but just don't fit together.
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Old 02-10-2019, 09:51 PM #17
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
I think the fallacy is there in the statement of the problem - that there IS a "right" thing. You didnt say "right things" plural, it was singular. There is no singular right thing. That kind of thinking will kill any relationship, or thread...
Is that hostility I can smell?
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Old 02-10-2019, 10:11 PM #18
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

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Originally Posted by CantExplain View Post
Is that hostility I can smell?
Not at all! Its just the idea of "right" going up in smoke!

Eta - thats the ts job, to teach us to stop saying "i know im right, do it my way" to your partner. I.e., to stop being an ahole. Unfortunately, to do it, THEY kinda hafta be an ahole... JK!
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Old 02-10-2019, 11:24 PM #19
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

I don't see that as being the job of the therapist. I suppose someone might hire a therapist for that, but certainly it is not universal
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Old 02-10-2019, 11:27 PM #20
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

Yeah, i was speaking more in the context of the presenting question of the thread?
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