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Old 02-09-2019, 12:49 AM #1
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Default Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

Is it possible that both the therapist and the patient do the right thing, are neither of them seriously crazy, yet the therapeutic relationship fails?
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Old 02-09-2019, 12:56 AM #2
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

I think so, if there's a personality mismatch.
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Old 02-09-2019, 02:57 AM #3
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

Well then it wouldnt be the right thing because it didnt work.
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Old 02-09-2019, 06:45 AM #4
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

Yeah. For example when the therapist and client just aren't compatible.
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Old 02-09-2019, 06:47 AM #5
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

Of course, just like any relationship. I think some relationships get so broken, like a shattered vase on the floor, that the sheer effort of thinking about repairing it is too overwhelming, or you just have to acknowledge it is so broken that all you can do is acknowledge the pieces on the floor. I'm not sure the word "failure" hits the right place for this in the context of therapy.

I do wonder in therapy, though, what the definition of failure is. Or what all the possibilities are. Because I'm not sure that a decision by one or both parties that there is nothing to be worked on is a failure as opposed to the therapy has gone as far as it possibly can. Perhaps the client needs to move forward with someone else or maybe they are done with therapy, "fixed" or not.

In the case of a rupture that couldn't be repaired, I think I would ask myself the question of whether I had done everything I could to be open to the future of a relationship. For me the key would be openness, in the sense that I would ask myself if I were willing to be open to discussion without borders, to accept that the rupture happened and it wasn't completely repairable. If I still had a desire or a curiosity to see what the relationship might be like despite a sort of psychological trap door I didn't want to fall through (something that feels like a big risk to me), I would be willing to try to continue. But choosing not to continue a therapeutic relationship is not a failure to me, to the client at least. I'm not sure if I would label it as the therapist's or therapy's failure either. I don't think the paradigm of failure necessarily applies in therapy at all, even when success does.
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Old 02-09-2019, 01:56 PM #6
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

I think so sometimes.. If they are not compatible.
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Old 02-09-2019, 02:30 PM #7
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

I imagine it's like any other kind of relationship in that regard. Sometimes it's just not right.
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Old 02-09-2019, 11:28 PM #8
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

I'd say so if we talk about personal relationships when people are, sometimes, made of such different materials that it's incompatible.

I don't see therapy failure as a relationship failure. If the therapist is not a good match, that should be obvious from the beginning and you just wouldn't stay with them. But if the work went on for some time and there was progress and then the progress stopped, then, to me, it means that the therapist came to their natural limitations and it's time to close this chapter and to move on to something different.
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Old 02-10-2019, 12:08 AM #9
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

incompatible relationships always fail no matter how much you want to succeed
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Old 02-10-2019, 12:15 AM #10
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Default Re: Is it possible that the relationship fails if both do everything right?

I once had a t I thought I was “compatable enough” with. But the difference between what I needed and what he was willing to do was too great of a chasm. Therapy failed in that case
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