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Poohbah
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,073
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#1
Do you ever drop hints or try to subtly bring things up at therapy, and your T completely misses it?
I don't expect him to be a mind reader, but sometimes I'm so frustrated that I have to be so blunt and direct and spell everything out for him to get it. I know it's not a case that he's "empowering me to bring forth my issues". He just doesn't get subtleties. |
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Magnate
Member Since May 2017
Location: Earth
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#2
My T's ability to read body language borders on creepy. Before I realized what she was doing, I had the uncanny feeling that she was reading my mind because she seemed to know when there was something I was thinking but didn't want to say. I actually found it a bit intrusive at times.
So yeah she's good with subtlety. I don't really drop hints, but I get the sense that she's deeply tuned in to my experience when I'm talking to her. Now I'm pleased when she picks up on things that I'm not consciously aware of or otherwise avoiding but that's because we've built up enough trust that I don't mind when she appears to be poking around inside my brain. |
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Carmina
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may24, piggy momma
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Poohbah
Member Since Sep 2017
Location: A Growlery in the UK
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#3
Mine is amazing, she is so in sync with me it's like she can read my mind at times.
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piggy momma
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
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#4
Mine knew my body language so well that he knew how I was feeling simply by watching me walk from the waiting room to his office. No talking even required.
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ElectricManatee
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
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#5
No, I usually had to use words with my former T. The only thing she could tell without words was if I was dissociated. HUGS Kit
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Somewhere
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#6
I don't try to subtly bring things up; I try to subtly leave things out. This seems like much the same thing for the purposes of your question. The therapist is like a bloodhound tracking a scent when there's any hint that there is more going on than what I am saying. Sometimes I don't even know what has given me away and I feel caught out. I don't really experience it as the therapist knowing me really well or being in sync with me. C has been told before (outside therapy) that her face/expressions are easy to read. But she has also been told she looks mean until someone gets to know her. Anyway, I wonder if I am similar in that my thoughts show on my face. I will have to think about that.
I think some people are just more observant or intuitive about this sort of thing than others. Or perhaps you think you are being subtle and dropping hints, but it's actually not at all clear what you're getting at. Is there an example that comes to mind that you could share? __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
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#7
No they did not pick up on anything I did not tell them or if they did, they did not tell me.
I am not all that subtle to begin with and my style is fairly direct. __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,073
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#8
@susannahsays I can't think of a specific incident at this moment. But if I do I will post it!
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susannahsays
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#9
My therapist notices so much it can be scary.
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Poohbah
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,073
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#10
Hmmmm...maybe mine needs new glasses lol
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ElectricManatee
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
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#11
So the subtleties are body language cues?
__________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2010
Location: USA
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#12
Nope. She was completely oblivious the majority of the time. I had to practically hit her over the head with directness, often more than once.
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Poohbah
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,073
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#13
Quote:
I sent my T an email - it was a goldmine of stuff to work on. He never even blinked at it. If I want to talk about anything I have to bring it up point by point by point. Or I’ll say something in session that I would expect him to jump all over and...nothing. I usually end up thinking “if he’s not jumping on this it mustn’t be important” so I abandon it...even if it’s something I thought was worthwhile. I guess I’ll have to be super direct and obvious about everything, which is hard when I’m trying to hint at a difficult topic. |
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,302
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#14
Quote:
I know how hard it can be to bring up certain topics. I struggled with that, too. I would hint at something, or talk around it, or write it in an email— and she just never jumped on anything. Or she was defensive, if it was about our relationship. She was never really curious, inquisitive, intuitive, or empathic. I had to be super blunt and basically hold her feet over the coals to get her to talk about the deep stuff. Even more so if it was about our relationship. She was happy to say “I love you” or text me xoxo ❤️ — but actually talking about stuff was like pulling teeth. |
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piggy momma
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Member Since May 2017
Location: USA
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#15
I've been completely amazed by how much subtle stuff my current therapist picks up on. I don't hint around things on purpose, but he has a downright uncanny ability to pull together things I've only alluded to, and often very clearly and precisely picks up on things I'm trying to get myself to say but can't. I'm direct when I can be, but it's amazing to be able to rely on him to put the pieces together too. And along with that, there's a lot of attention to nuance and an openness to being incorrect about his inferences and intuition that I find very valuable.
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piggy momma, SlumberKitty
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#16
I don't think getting all the time is what therapies for.
Sometimes we need to shout it to get it ourselves Therapy is like a treasure hunt. Both together digging to get it. |
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seoultous
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2013
Location: CO
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#17
My current T is very aware of subtleties like how I'll stop myself in the middle of talking or my body language. Although a few times he has said that he wasn't able to read me because of my expression so I have to explain what I was thinking. He said he also doesn't bring up topics unless we haven't mentioned them in n a while and he feels like they are important to what I'm dealing with.
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2017
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#18
From what I can tell, I think he picks up on them a lot, but rarely mentions it. Most of the time he will wait for me to bring it up more directly. I think it's because he doesn't want to push me into a direction that I don't want to go, but I'm not sure.
I used to think he doesn't notice a lot of things, but he has made enough comments that show that he does, he just doesn't bring it up. |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
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#19
I'm pretty direct with T. I don't know if she would pick up on subtleties. She knows me very well and can predict how I'll feel in a certain situation. She probably does read my body language, she just has never brought it up.
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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Poohbah
Member Since Sep 2017
Location: A Growlery in the UK
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#20
Not always - for me because I'm in art therapy and use painting and poetry in sessions I play a lot on ambiguities and layered/hidden meanings, but she always seems to get them straight away, never had someone who get's me so well. It can be hard sometimes though. I like it but it makes me feel closer to her and I'm trying not to get too attached (which isn't always working).
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