Giving T an intense piece of writing to read

*TW* suicidal thinking

Last year I went through a lot of medical trauma, got put on many different drugs which made me incredibly suicidal and worsened my condition severely.

I saw my T regularly throughout but she was away during the most painful period, and I was almost catatonic or psychotic for periods throughout, so I couldn't express my state of mind.

I wrote a ten page piece about my experience, mostly about the drugs, hospital, and my own strength. T kept going away so I wasn't able to give her the writing until last session. I'm just wondering if I did the right thing. She suggested if I wasn't comfortable giving her the writing I could keep it and read from it during the next session. But at the end of the session I just wanted to get the piece out of my head/bag, so I gave it to her and asked her to read it just before next session. I still have the opportunity to ask her not to read it and instead read from it myself next session. Of course, the piece is not out of my head - it's all I've been thinking about since I handed it to her.


Have any of you given your T something you've written? Do you think it's better to have T read it beforehand or read from it during the session? Any experiences whatsoever of T reading something you've written I would love to hear!

Sometimes there's periods where I have lots of flashbacks. Like 20-30 a day. During those times, I write down everything I remember about them. What triggered it, what did I experience and remember, what did I do after... it can easily be 10 or more pages describing one week. I almost always give those write ups to my T.

I don't think it would be practical to have my T read it during the session. He usually asks whether there's a specific point I'd want to discuss right now and if there is, he'll read that portion or I can tell him about it myself (he usually asks which way I prefer). And he reads the rest when I'm not around.

I like to have him read everything. I feel less alone, have somebody to share my experiences with. Sometimes I'll also add things I worry about that aren't connected to flashbacks. It's a way for me to share everything I want with him without being scared of his reaction. I've never had a negative experience connected to giving my T what I've written.

I’ve written notes for T and whilst there was some comfort having her read it to herself during session, it was a lot for her to take in and reflect on, which if she had done, would have taken up a lot of session time. She digested the general idea of what was written, but asked if she could take the notes home for her to read again and take her time to reflect on. The following session, after she had read it properly at home, we were able to have a better and detailed conversation about what I had written. I’m currently writing another piece and hope to send it before next session so that she is able to take it all in and perhaps have questions/discussions prepared. So I personally think it’s best your T chooses to read brfore hand and bring the notes into session so she can refer to your exact words during discussion.

I did journaling and sharing of my journals with two of my long term T's. Sometimes it was as much as 15-20 single spaced pages every week. Both of them did not bring up content from my journals unless I raised it first, which I think is different than what you are proposing, which is a written piece about something specific. It sounds like it was really helpful for you to let go of the piece and know she would read it, and I think it will be up to you to raise it at the next session. I would not assume that she will come prepared with notes like a creative writing teacher, or will give you any feedback on it unless you ask specifically.

I would also say that although the writing may feel to you like it speaks greatly to your experience, that's because you actually experienced it. It is quite another thing to write about a personal experience where other people get what you're trying to say. That's why not all memoirs are published and many that are, don't sell well. Same with personal essays based on experience. Maybe this applies only to me and most people consider me to be a good writer, but what I wrote and gave to my T's wasn't high on the communication scale. They didn't magically understand my experience or struggles just because I wrote them down. I had to talk about these things in therapy, to interact with them, in order for it to make sense.

With respect to darkside8 who mentioned the T referring to you "exact words," I'm not sure that is a realistic thing to expect. Because people use the same words and have very different meanings associated with them. Peruse a thread here that's been closed and see how this can operate even when people are making a big effort to try to understand and be understood.

I think therapeutic content is very difficult to achieve via the written word, and that's why T's are trained to interact and have sessions in person. Communication is at the heart of therapy, in the moment and sustained/linked over time. Not writing, not texts, not emails, etc. I'm not claiming these are never helpful but I think most of us who write things down assume that people grasp our meaning, and I think that happens a lot less often than we think. Writing to communicate a very personal, emotional experience is just extremely difficult, when your audience is someone other than you.

I have given my therapist letters explaining things in between sessions in the past year. The letters have mostly been in journal format. It has been very helpful to get things out that i have had trouble voicing out in sessions. I recently in the last week sent him some pretty tough stuff, im sure it will be talked about next time i see him. It's helpful to have that outlet even when it's tough hugs

If your T foesnt have a preferance I would say do what makes you more comfortable. Especially when I wrote something long T asked that I send it to her in advance so she had time to read and process everthing. She usually had to read it 2 or 3 times. It worked for me as well.

Emdr T seems to prefer I bring it in and we go through it together. She will either read it herself or I can read it. We have some both.

I've emailed everything like that. I wouldn't be able to deal with watching him read it in front of me for the first time.

I've emailed intense stuff, but also I would write a lot and she would take it home and read after session. Only problem with that was I would have to sit on it, and then I would torment myself all week over what I'd say, what she was thinking and facing her again.
I always did manage to face her though even if sometimes I really felt so ashamed I wanted to quit, but I always turned up and she was always very understand, supportive and even grateful at my honesty or vulnerability almost.
What did help for me was that when I would give her these types of writings to take home and read, she would email me that evening, not to highlight anything or go into details, just to say she had read it and reassure me it was ok.

I have, but I first clarified with my therapist what she would find acceptable. She requested that it be short point form statements being no more than a page. She asked me not to make conclusions without supporting statements.

I have done this several times but never more than 3 single sides. Anything longer tgan 5 I would probably attempt to edit down a bit. I will either print it off and hand to T at the beginning of session or email it from the waiting room and ask T to print off for me if for some reason I was unable to. The only times I would email a day before session is when the letter involved something that the T did to me so that he would have prior warning and an opportunity to think about how he wanted to respond. Otherwise I think of it the same as subject matter that I actually could be saying directly to T on session (but for whatever reason I cannot or prefer not to speak about in person).

My T always thanks me for sharing my thoughts this way and keeps the writings for my file. These are usually very productive sessions as he reads through it in session, responding as he goes.

Thank you for this. I maybe should have added that I'm a professional published writer. In six years of therapy I've never given my T anything I've written which does feel strange, since it's an important part of my life, expression, and voice.

I'm not sure your vocation makes a bit of difference. Just because you're an amazing writer in your professional life doesn't mean you can convey your very personal experience in that same way.

I don't think there's anything wrong with giving your T a piece of writing. I would just say don't think it's a substitute (as opposed to a supplement to) what you say in session.

Not that it really makes a difference. Or that I'm an "amazing writer." Just that I wanted to add that information. It is important to me. I have published memoir writing and I'm confident in the capacity of the written word to represent experience. In a very different way to spoken. Nowhere did I say it was a substitute to what I say in session. Of course we have spoken at length about last year's trauma in session. Especially as I am still recovering.

I use emails frequently in my therapy. I also have had a lot of medical trauma, and found it very useful when facing a serious illness awhile back to send on writeups of what I was going through. I needed to feel like I had a place to share the entire experience, and it was a really valuable part of my therapy. Sometimes we talked about what I’d written, sometimes we didn’t. But it really helped me to share in a much more extensive way than I would have been able to do if I was limited to our sessions every week.

Writing is also one of the things I do for a living, and I also believe in the power of the written word to convey experience in a different way to conversation. I think if your therapist is open to it could add a new dimension to your work together. For me it’s been important to be able to articulate what I have endured, and to have my therapist as a sounding board for that. He has been a very present companion to me in my suffering, and I think the written communication has really facilitated that.

Thank you for articulating that so well and for sharing how writing has contributed to your therapy. I hope I experience something similar when my T reads my words and we discuss them. And I'm so sorry you've also been through a lot of medical trauma. I hope writing about it has given you some meaning and even peace like it's given me.

I personally would be uncomfortable asking a therapist to read something I'd written that would take longer than 5 minutes outside of session. I would draw the absolute line at 10 minutes. Even with those guidelines, I would most likely bring writing to session and use part of my time to allow the therapist to read what I'd brought. I guess I just don't like asking for anything that wouldn't be manageable if all the therapist's clients did it. Just a personal boundary, I guess.

That's okay. Thank you, anyway.