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View Poll Results: Has the therapist ever told you how rare, unique, special or brave etc you are? | ||||||
Yes | 28 | 50.00% | ||||
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No | 11 | 19.64% | ||||
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On a few things | 7 | 12.50% | ||||
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once | 1 | 1.79% | ||||
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Only on negatives (you are the worst client because of X) | 0 | 0% | ||||
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No | 4 | 7.14% | ||||
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Maybe | 1 | 1.79% | ||||
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what do you mean by etc | 2 | 3.57% | ||||
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other | 2 | 3.57% | ||||
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Voters: 56. You may not vote on this poll |
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,731
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#1
There are often references to therapists telling clients how much X(whatever special thing) they are in relation to others. I think it is a technique they use and that they do it to most if not all clients.
Has the therapist ever told you how rare, unique, special or brave etc you are? __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Last edited by stopdog; Feb 11, 2019 at 12:45 PM.. |
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growlycat
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Child of a lesser god
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
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#2
I’ve gotten brave. As I don’t regard sitting in an office talking to a late-middle-aged woman brave and I can wax eloquent on the subject, they probably sussed out from my reaction that further such compliments would not help their cause.
__________________ The secret to eternal youth is arrested development.—Alice Roosevelt Longworth |
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Anonymous45127, stopdog, susannahsays
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,787
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#3
Yes, particularly in reference to resilience and strength of my marriage commitment and parenting skill. It wasn't an act or fake or technique. He was absolutely right. I am resilient, committed to my marriage, and a fantastic parent. LOL! I don't particularly care if he compliments other clients on their positive qualities also. Don't we all deserve a bit of recognition and validation of our positive qualities? It doesn't take but a sentence to honor someone for their positive qualities; it isn't as if this dominates anyone's therapy time.
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healinginprogress, rainbow8, TrailRunner14, weaverbeaver
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 950
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#4
No, he once said my email was brave. He never said I was brave. The only thing he's said about me is that I was smart. We would narcissistically bond over how much smarter we were than other people.
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Posts: 7,361
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#5
Not that i can remember. She probably knows I would roll my eyes at her.
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
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#6
oh yeah I have gotten that "You are Brave" thing for going to therapy and talking about myself. I cry bull....just something they tell everyone.
__________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Sep 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 1,460
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#7
No, and if he had I would have burst out laughing!!
__________________ True happiness comes not when we get rid of all our problems, but when we change our relationship to them, when we see our problems as a potential source of awakening, opportunities to practice patience and learn.~Richard Carlson |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
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#8
No, my former T and my current T has never said any such things.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: PNW
Posts: 1,394
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#9
No, he mostly avoids compliments and definitely avoids comparing me to other clients. If I ask if I’m more X than other clients or even if I’m normal he will always deflect, or sometimes ask why it matters if other people are X.
He has said I am not stupid and not fat, when I called myself stupid and fat, but that’s about it for compliments. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,073
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#10
I haven't been told I'm brave (probably because I'm not) but I've been told I'm intelligent and resilient and resourceful. He also said he gets so frustrated with me because I'm all those things and don't always use the skills that come with being those things. I told him that's because it's easier just to fall back on him.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 3,355
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#11
She has said I am smart a few times. She has recently said that I am smarter than her and it makes me hard to talk to sometimes. I had allowed that she had made a logical counterargument that caused me to reconsider the validity of my own argument. She thanked me for acknowledging that she had a point. It seemed like she was saying thanks for letting me win a debate based on logic for once.
She has never said I am unique, special, brave, or anything along those lines. If she said I was unique or special, I would be disgusted and consider her a liar. If she said I was brave, I'd think she was an idiot and a liar. These accolades you've listed ring particularly false to me. Perhaps the "smart" one doesn't bother me as much because I am aware that I am objectively intelligent, regardless of the therapist's motivations for telling me so. I don't really respond when she occasionally says I'm smart. I don't think I'm stupid, but I don't know what her purpose is in complimenting my intelligence. Maybe she means it. I don't know. She could simply have identified something I value - intelligence - and be attempting to exploit this value by saying I possess it. On the other hand, she also has no problem pointing out negative things about me, so I'm not sure that she's the type to use flattery as an emotional weapon. If she is, she's not very good at it. I'm much more likely to receive criticism or no flattery/praise from her than I am to receive a compliment. Either way, I have no emotional attachment to the therapist's compliments that I am aware of. P.S. I answered "what do you mean by etc" __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
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Guest
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#12
Naa...I don't really want her to either.
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Guest
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#13
No. I cannot even imagine my T doing such a thing.
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2013
Location: US
Posts: 1,030
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#14
My therapist has thrown a few adjectives my way, but I think it’s about highlighting strengths, and I imagine he does it for everyone, or at least for most of us.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,376
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#15
Yes, in regards to particular situations where I do demonstrate certain qualities judging by the way I behave under certain circumstances. She was correct so it’s not BS. I don’t care what she says to other clients: likely something relevant to their situations so nothing to do with me.
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: In a land far far away
Posts: 1,575
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#16
No. I would find that a bit weird.
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Member
Member Since May 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 466
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#17
I think it's pretty common and reasonable for therapists to take note of clients' positive characteristics when relevant, and many of those characteristics are more highly prized if/when they're rare.
Personally, my therapist tends to more often note the ways my experiences and perspectives have been rare or unusual from a neutral or negative perspective. He has used "brave" once recently, which I rolled my eyes at at the time but which in a less negative light I think he was correct about. |
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
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#18
I think there is a big difference between validation and flowery compliments.
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Guest
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#19
Unique, special, one-of-a-kind. Many people have told me these things throughout my life and I think it is pretty meaningless as everyone is unique, special, one-of-a-kind by definition, I don't see any compliment or validation in it. From the T who said it (multiple times), I especially did not like as it always sounded like an excuse that he did not know what to do with me, how to help, being so different etc.
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susannahsays
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
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#20
He called me princess last week We had been talking about disney though. But he has told me that I was special, kind and that I had value. He has said it so many times that I slowly started believing him.
__________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
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