Does Your T Pick Up on Subtleties?

piggy momma · Feb 11, 2019 at 04:46 PM

Do you ever drop hints or try to subtly bring things up at therapy, and your T completely misses it?

I don't expect him to be a mind reader, but sometimes I'm so frustrated that I have to be so blunt and direct and spell everything out for him to get it. I know it's not a case that he's "empowering me to bring forth my issues". He just doesn't get subtleties.

ElectricManatee · Feb 11, 2019 at 05:04 PM

My T's ability to read body language borders on creepy. Before I realized what she was doing, I had the uncanny feeling that she was reading my mind because she seemed to know when there was something I was thinking but didn't want to say. I actually found it a bit intrusive at times.

So yeah she's good with subtlety. I don't really drop hints, but I get the sense that she's deeply tuned in to my experience when I'm talking to her. Now I'm pleased when she picks up on things that I'm not consciously aware of or otherwise avoiding but that's because we've built up enough trust that I don't mind when she appears to be poking around inside my brain.

Carmina · Feb 11, 2019 at 05:10 PM

Mine is amazing, she is so in sync with me it's like she can read my mind at times.

ArtleyWilkins · Feb 11, 2019 at 05:18 PM

Mine knew my body language so well that he knew how I was feeling simply by watching me walk from the waiting room to his office. No talking even required.

SlumberKitty · Feb 11, 2019 at 05:21 PM

No, I usually had to use words with my former T. The only thing she could tell without words was if I was dissociated. HUGS Kit

susannahsays · Feb 11, 2019 at 05:36 PM

I don't try to subtly bring things up; I try to subtly leave things out. This seems like much the same thing for the purposes of your question. The therapist is like a bloodhound tracking a scent when there's any hint that there is more going on than what I am saying. Sometimes I don't even know what has given me away and I feel caught out. I don't really experience it as the therapist knowing me really well or being in sync with me. C has been told before (outside therapy) that her face/expressions are easy to read. But she has also been told she looks mean until someone gets to know her. Anyway, I wonder if I am similar in that my thoughts show on my face. I will have to think about that.

I think some people are just more observant or intuitive about this sort of thing than others. Or perhaps you think you are being subtle and dropping hints, but it's actually not at all clear what you're getting at. Is there an example that comes to mind that you could share?

stopdog · Feb 11, 2019 at 06:25 PM

No they did not pick up on anything I did not tell them or if they did, they did not tell me.
I am not all that subtle to begin with and my style is fairly direct.

piggy momma · Feb 11, 2019 at 06:36 PM

@susannahsays I can't think of a specific incident at this moment. But if I do I will post it!

Feb 11, 2019 at 07:06 PM

My therapist notices so much it can be scary.

piggy momma · Feb 11, 2019 at 07:21 PM

Hmmmm...maybe mine needs new glasses lol

susannahsays · Feb 11, 2019 at 09:12 PM

So the subtleties are body language cues?

scorpiosis37 · Feb 11, 2019 at 09:52 PM

Nope. She was completely oblivious the majority of the time. I had to practically hit her over the head with directness, often more than once.

piggy momma · Feb 11, 2019 at 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

Nope. She was completely oblivious the majority of the time. I had to practically hit her over the head with directness, often more than once.

Yes! This!!

I sent my T an email - it was a goldmine of stuff to work on. He never even blinked at it. If I want to talk about anything I have to bring it up point by point by point. Or I’ll say something in session that I would expect him to jump all over and...nothing.

I usually end up thinking “if he’s not jumping on this it mustn’t be important” so I abandon it...even if it’s something I thought was worthwhile. I guess I’ll have to be super direct and obvious about everything, which is hard when I’m trying to hint at a difficult topic.

scorpiosis37 · Feb 11, 2019 at 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by piggy momma

Yes! This!!

I sent my T an email - it was a goldmine of stuff to work on. He never even blinked at it. If I want to talk about anything I have to bring it up point by point by point. Or I’ll say something in session that I would expect him to jump all over and...nothing.

I usually end up thinking “if he’s not jumping on this it mustn’t be important” so I abandon it...even if it’s something I thought was worthwhile. I guess I’ll have to be super direct and obvious about everything, which is hard when I’m trying to hint at a difficult topic.

Been there!!! All I can do is encourage you to bring it up. I wish I had said everything I wanted to say to my T before she lost her license.

I know how hard it can be to bring up certain topics. I struggled with that, too. I would hint at something, or talk around it, or write it in an email— and she just never jumped on anything. Or she was defensive, if it was about our relationship. She was never really curious, inquisitive, intuitive, or empathic. I had to be super blunt and basically hold her feet over the coals to get her to talk about the deep stuff. Even more so if it was about our relationship. She was happy to say “I love you” or text me xoxo ❤️ — but actually talking about stuff was like pulling teeth.

starfishing · Feb 11, 2019 at 11:04 PM

I've been completely amazed by how much subtle stuff my current therapist picks up on. I don't hint around things on purpose, but he has a downright uncanny ability to pull together things I've only alluded to, and often very clearly and precisely picks up on things I'm trying to get myself to say but can't. I'm direct when I can be, but it's amazing to be able to rely on him to put the pieces together too. And along with that, there's a lot of attention to nuance and an openness to being incorrect about his inferences and intuition that I find very valuable.

Feb 12, 2019 at 12:16 AM

I don't think getting all the time is what therapies for.
Sometimes we need to shout it to get it ourselves
Therapy is like a treasure hunt. Both together digging to get it.

SheHulk07 · Feb 12, 2019 at 02:00 AM

My current T is very aware of subtleties like how I'll stop myself in the middle of talking or my body language. Although a few times he has said that he wasn't able to read me because of my expression so I have to explain what I was thinking. He said he also doesn't bring up topics unless we haven't mentioned them in n a while and he feels like they are important to what I'm dealing with.

ChickenNoodleSoup · Feb 12, 2019 at 02:19 AM

From what I can tell, I think he picks up on them a lot, but rarely mentions it. Most of the time he will wait for me to bring it up more directly. I think it's because he doesn't want to push me into a direction that I don't want to go, but I'm not sure.
I used to think he doesn't notice a lot of things, but he has made enough comments that show that he does, he just doesn't bring it up.

ScarletPimpernel · Feb 12, 2019 at 02:44 AM

I'm pretty direct with T. I don't know if she would pick up on subtleties. She knows me very well and can predict how I'll feel in a certain situation. She probably does read my body language, she just has never brought it up.

Carmina · Feb 12, 2019 at 03:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

So the subtleties are body language cues?

Not always - for me because I'm in art therapy and use painting and poetry in sessions I play a lot on ambiguities and layered/hidden meanings, but she always seems to get them straight away, never had someone who get's me so well. It can be hard sometimes though. I like it but it makes me feel closer to her and I'm trying not to get too attached (which isn't always working).

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Does Your T Pick Up on Subtleties?

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piggy momma Poohbah Member Since Oct 2018 Location: Canada Posts: 1,073 5 70 hugs given	Feb 11, 2019 at 04:46 PM #1 Do you ever drop hints or try to subtly bring things up at therapy, and your T completely misses it? I don't expect him to be a mind reader, but sometimes I'm so frustrated that I have to be so blunt and direct and spell everything out for him to get it. I know it's not a case that he's "empowering me to bring forth my issues". He just doesn't get subtleties.
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Carmina Poohbah Member Since Sep 2017 Location: A Growlery in the UK Posts: 1,158 6 129 hugs given	Feb 11, 2019 at 05:10 PM #3 Mine is amazing, she is so in sync with me it's like she can read my mind at times.
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ArtleyWilkins Magnate Member Since Oct 2018 Location: USA Posts: 2,787 5 7 hugs given	Feb 11, 2019 at 05:18 PM #4 Mine knew my body language so well that he knew how I was feeling simply by watching me walk from the waiting room to his office. No talking even required.
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Feb 11, 2019 at 05:21 PM #5 No, I usually had to use words with my former T. The only thing she could tell without words was if I was dissociated. HUGS Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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piggy momma Poohbah Member Since Oct 2018 Location: Canada Posts: 1,073 5 70 hugs given	Feb 11, 2019 at 06:36 PM #8 @susannahsays I can't think of a specific incident at this moment. But if I do I will post it!
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Anonymous47147 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 11, 2019 at 07:06 PM #9 My therapist notices so much it can be scary.
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piggy momma Poohbah Member Since Oct 2018 Location: Canada Posts: 1,073 5 70 hugs given	Feb 11, 2019 at 07:21 PM #10 Hmmmm...maybe mine needs new glasses lol
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susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Feb 11, 2019 at 09:12 PM #11 So the subtleties are body language cues? __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
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scorpiosis37 Magnate Member Since Apr 2010 Location: USA Posts: 2,302 14 22 hugs given	Feb 11, 2019 at 09:52 PM #12 Nope. She was completely oblivious the majority of the time. I had to practically hit her over the head with directness, often more than once.
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Anonymous59356 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 12, 2019 at 12:16 AM #16 I don't think getting all the time is what therapies for. Sometimes we need to shout it to get it ourselves Therapy is like a treasure hunt. Both together digging to get it.
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ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,407 (SuperPoster!) 10 6,413 hugs given	Feb 12, 2019 at 02:44 AM #19 I'm pretty direct with T. I don't know if she would pick up on subtleties. She knows me very well and can predict how I'll feel in a certain situation. She probably does read my body language, she just has never brought it up. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
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