Valentine's Day A Year Ago

As usual for Valentine's Day this year, I have nothing planned. No date, no nothing. Last year the case was similar but what made it different was the fact that I had my therapy session that day with my previous therapist. Our last session was 4 months ago but I still think about her. I felt excited prior to that session a year ago. The reason why I felt excited is that I have strong loving feelings for my previous therapist. Not only is she really warm and caring but she is exceedingly beautiful. I felt nervous as well. In the previous sessions, I did a good job in containing those romantic feelings to myself by always staying concentrated when talking about other issues that I deal with. The weeks prior I was feeling quite nervous. Whenever I would go grocery shopping and I saw those heart-shaped chocolate boxes I thought to myself "I just want to give her that as a gift for that special session/day." I never went forward with that.

The day of the session came and that is all I thought about. It was Valentine"s Day. A day to show love. I wanted to express it but at the time I just wanted to avoid talking about it. It would have been bad timing if I started talking about transference on Valentine's Day. In the drive on my way there, I was just hoping she would not ask about Valentine's Day in general. She did not ask about it. During that session, I was talking about another issue but at the same time, I was thinking about those loving feelings. I just wanted to tell her "I love you!" Obviously, I did not do that. When I walked away from that session, it felt so special because I spent an hour of that Valentine's Day with the person that I love the most. Eventually, I cracked and told her about some of those loving feelings 2 weeks later. When I got home, I jokingly thought of her as my date for Valentine's Day. When I reflect on last year, it is amusing to think about how I was feeling during the days leading up to and during that Valentine's Day session.

I've always hated V-day. It's basically a day to make single people feel like ****. I wish they would stop promoting it so heavily.

I've never had a date on valentines day. I had my regular session the day before last year but we talked about it as it was his first since divorce. We both had no plans and I did text him that day.

This year, I was planning to see him that day for session but then everything went to hell in December. It is very interesting what difference a year can make. Last year at this time, I was happy. Now I'm crazy miserable.

I hope you can find a way to enjoy it anyway. I used to spend it just watching my fav romcoms with my dogs.

I am single and I don't feel like ****. I couldn't care less about Valentine's Day. If I were in a relationship, I think it would be an annoying hassle. Seems like it would be better to make plans to celebrate a relationship when it suits the people involved instead of doing it as part of some generic holiday - when it might be inconvenient and not enjoyable. But I am personally not at all romantic and prefer pragmatism over sentimentality, so the idea of Valentine's Day itself is unappealing to me regardless.

Everything else aside... Valentines Day is stupid. Take it from someone who is very much in love, married(23 years) with a great romantic and sex life. I told my husband years ago to stop buying silly things for a silly hallmark holiday. My anniversery is the most important day to me, or the anniversery of the day he asked me to marry him.